I would like to tell you that I wrote my book to push back artistic boundaries. But I didn’t. I wrote it to impress a girl.

I really didn’t write it with any intention of being published. If I’d known that was going to happen, I would have written something more sensible, because now I have to dress up as a...

If the pirate with a scarf had been more poetically minded he’d have thought that her eyes were like a thousand emeralds, glittering in a far-off pirate treasure chest. But he wasn’t, so he just...

That explains a lot,’ he said. ‘I suppose it’s also why we’ve never glimpsed that giant compass in the corner of the Atlantic. I have to say, I’m a little disappointed.

I’m making a list of when it’s acceptable for a pirate to cry. […] So far I’ve got: one – when holding a seagull covered in oil. Two – when singing a shanty that reminds...

If you knew how many hidden depths I had your pretty eyes would pop right out of your winsome face. Not literally of course – that would be disgusting. I wouldn’t envy the man who...

Here’s your first problem,” he said, pointing at a sentence. “‘Religion is the opium of the people.’ Well, I don’t know about people, but I think you’ll find that the opium of pirates is actual...