It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.

One, two, three / Buckle my shoe.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of...

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn’t got.

New York – The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say “These New Yorkers don’t dress any better than we do.

If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.