Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?

I haven’t met that many women, human or angelic, who actually like to drive. In my experience they seem to be much more pragmatic about the whole thing than we are. For most males, driving...

I recorded the ding-dong sound that shoplifting sensors at the doors of Wal-Mart make. Now I just stand at the exit and press play as people try to leave.

Ready?”Despite the grim mood, I smiled and cracked my knuckles. “Ready to wrestle with my gorgeous boyfriend? Oh, I’d say I’m ready for that.”Amusement softened his eyes. “I’ll try to control where I put my...

Perv.”He pointed to himself. “Male and eighteen. What’s your point?

The Duchess looked at Chloe with a look that said, You had the chance to tell him, but you chose to carry on the lie.How do I know that the Duchess’s look said this? Because...

Assumptions are unopened windows that foolish birds fly into, and their broken bodies are evidence gathered too late.

A rap at the back door made her jump, and she peered through the window for a long time before she eased open the door a crack. She left the security chain on. ‘What do...

Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn’t know what to do in a fistfight without a manual.

The saga started out a normal day—don’t they all? I mean, surely one morning back there in prehistoric times a dinosaur woke up, yawned, chewed some coffee beans, and thought his day was going to...

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we’ll kill everything.

Without discussing it with his mother, Anton went up to his teacher, Miss Katballe, and informed her that after seven years he was now quitting school. It was the best day of her life, she...

Far be it from me to slow down two badass supermodels on a mission, but we have a problem,” a male voice said wryly.I could see Christian out of the corner of my eye as...

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.

Sometimes advises from others are more difficult to bear with than even slang.

I love iconoclasts. I love individuals. I love people that are true to themselves, whatever the cost.

I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.

As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as...

I wouldn’t even get elected. I’d probably deck a couple of people, too which would not play very well with the national media.

Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you’ll be as right as rain come the weekend.

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

I don’t know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he’s funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.

I am somebody’s son, and I know a guy I call “Dad.” Those two things are unrelated.

Honestly, Clary, if you don’t start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don’t know what I’ll do with you.

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it’s not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or...

He wasn’t aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn’t smile he didn’t look amiable

Adamant,” Doren said proudly, handing over the shield. “We fished it out of the tar pit where we found the shirt of mail.””Probably all belonged to the same careless adventurer,” Newel speculated. “Too much money,...

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

You say guest, and I say prisoner. But I say it with love, so mine is preferable to yours.

I paid, got up, walkedto the door, openedit.I heard the mansay, “that guy’snuts.”out on the street Iwalked northfeelingcuriouslyhonored.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

So we are fulfilling our task in preventing serious armament stocks in Iraq within our possibilities.

I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.

I’m selling a rainbow in a bowl (no spoon included). I’m calling it Love Soup, even though it’s nothing more than tap water.

Instead of stocks investors should invest in blankets, that way they’ll at least have something to keep them warm after they’ve lost all their money when the company goes under.

Do you even realize how happythe average teenage girl would be in your shoes? I have a credit card. We’reat the mall. I want to buy you things. It’s like adolescent nirvana.”- Cora

I’m leaving the door partly open,” he says as he follows Tegan. “You scream if you need me.”Once he is outside, Richard says, “He does realize that if he hears your scream, it’s already too...

Give it to me. Inject it,” I’d say. To be destroyed so efficiently. But I settled for less.

There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy comes back into fashion and every woman has to go out and find...

Two decaying racehorse carcasses would make a great bathtub. I’m a fast lover.

I only hope, for the sake of the rising male sex generally, that you may be found in as vulnerable and soft-hearted a mood by the first eligible young fellow who appeals to your compassion.

People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people.

I walked to the door where Clovis waited. When I looked up, he was staring at Adam. A quick glance backward confirmed Adam was returning his stare. Freaking males, I thought, they couldn’t be more...

This is my depressed stance. When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start...

I don’t get very involved in the L.A. scene. When you do get invited out, you are expected to be on all the time. It’s just wearying.

They say money talks, but all mine ever says is ‘good-bye sucker.

Happy endings. *Groan*

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by...