Quotes.wiki
  • Home
  • Tags
  • Authors
  • Contact Us
">
Quotes.wiki
Quotes.wiki
  • Home
  • Tags
  • Authors
  • Contact Us
Rodney Dangerfield  Quotes
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CrimeFunnyHumour
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can’t.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FightFull
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
MetRidiculousSaid
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BoyControlYear
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Found
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
LookingWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FunnyHumourInfidelity
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
GaveLast
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HerWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
NightSaidWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
GameHockey
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Life is just a bowl of pits.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BowlPits
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy’s pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CrimeFunnyHumour
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FriendLikedMother
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HatedParentsRadio
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CameFatherKid
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DentistTeethWear
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DrawWages
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ChildFunnyHumor
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DyingElectricWish
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
GuysHear
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
GirlLastNight
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CallDogRoom
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HappyMetWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Marriage
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
GirlSaid
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
GettingWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Sex
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CameFeltTough
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
DogFavorite
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I’m not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ComedyHumour
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HonestLuck
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HonestLuck
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep...

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HerSaidWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Life’s a short trip. You’ll find out.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HumilityLifePerspective
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
MotherShotUgly
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
SleepTogether
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
LightNakedWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
HumorHumour
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
SaidUgly
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FatFound
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CigaretteGeneralMet
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ComingDrinkingTaking
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
BornMother
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
FoundHumorKids
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
ToughWife
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
CrazyOpinionSaid
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Three
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

—Rodney Dangerfield

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Facebooktwitterredditpinterestlinkedintumblr
  • Page 1 of 2
  • Next
  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy
  • About us

Copyright © 2017 - 2020 TR Marketing Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Exercise your consumer rights by contacting us below Privacy Policy

[email protected]

Personalized advertisements

Turning this off will opt you out of personalized advertisements delivered from Google on this website.

CookiePro
Confirm
Popup Button popup close button