Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they’ll come out for it

Exercise? I get in on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Congress: Bingo with billions

I’m nuts and I know it. But so long as I make ’em laugh, they ain’t going to lock me up.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

I left home because I was hungry.

God’s children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

I personally believe we were put her to build and not to destroy.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose — to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

If by chance some day you’re not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I’ve said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart,...

Francis Joins the Navy.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, ‘I’ve been going for three months.’ I said, ‘How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?’ He said, ‘All...

Today’s comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They’re shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

I don’t want to be called ‘the greatest’ or ‘one of the greatest’; let other guys claim to be the best. I just want to be known as a clown because to me that’s the...