Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn’t have as many monuments to unveil

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

It seems t’ me that when a feller hain’t got neither time ner money t’ do a thing our celebrated prosperity has reached the limit

Young Lafe Bud says he always hates t’ get his hair cut cause it makes his hat look so old

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Who remembers when we used to rest on Sunday instead of Monday?

When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

The feller that brags about how cheap he heats his home always sees the first robin

A long memory and a long tongue are regular ole cronies

It’s pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

Honesty pays, but it don’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.

The world gels better every day – then worse again in the evening

He was a power politically for years, but he never got prominent enough t’have his speeches garbled

A loafer always has the correct time

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst

You kin never tell what a woman or a country jury is goin’ to do

If government were as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.

Why doesn’t the fellow who says “I’m no speechmaker” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

You never see no “to let” signs on Easy Street

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn’t be so bad if they thought.

It’s the good loser who finally loses out.

Many a family tree needs trimming

We’d all like t’vote for th’ best man, but he’s never a candidate

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it’s so crowded

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

All I kin git out o’ the Wickersham position on prohibition is that the distinguished jurist seems to feel that if we’d let ’em have it the problem o’ keepin’ ’em from gitten;’ it would...

The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

If at first you do succeed, don’t take any more chances.

Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.

A chap ort t’ save a few o’ the’ long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married

We’d all like to vote for the best man, but he’s never a candidate

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I’m wrong.

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower.

It isn’t enough for you to love money – it’s also necessary that money should love you.

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

Nobuddy ever fergits where he buried a hatchet

Everyone complains of his lack of memory, but nobody of his want of judgment.