Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn’t have as many monuments to unveil

Th’ only way t’ entertain some folks is t’ listen t’ ’em.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

It’s the good loser who finally loses out

Politics makes strange postmasters.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God’s path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire,...

We’d all like t’vote fer th’ best man, but he’s never a candidate

You won’t skid if you stay in a rut.

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

The chronic grumbler is a church social compared to the feller that agrees with everything you say

A loafer always has the correct time.

We’d all like t’vote fer th’best man, but he’s never a candidate.

There isn’t much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is premature formation of an opinion.

A bargain is anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on

Another bad thing about “”prosperity”” is that you can’t jingle any money without bein’ under suspicion

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid

Tilford Moots wuz over t’ the’ Henryville poor farm th’ other day t’ see an ole friend o’ his thet used t’ publish a newspaper thet pleased ever’buddy

The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?

Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

The feller that calls you “”brother”” generally wants something that don’t belong to him

Bargain… anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

It would be a swell world if everybody was as pleasant as the fellow who’s trying to skin you

Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

It seems t’ me that when a feller hain’t got neither time ner money t’ do a thing our celebrated prosperity has reached the limit

Young Lafe Bud says he always hates t’ get his hair cut cause it makes his hat look so old

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Who remembers when we used to rest on Sunday instead of Monday?

When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

The feller that brags about how cheap he heats his home always sees the first robin

A long memory and a long tongue are regular ole cronies

It’s pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

Honesty pays, but it don’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.

The world gels better every day – then worse again in the evening

He was a power politically for years, but he never got prominent enough t’have his speeches garbled

A loafer always has the correct time

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst

You kin never tell what a woman or a country jury is goin’ to do

If government were as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.