I couldn’t help thinkin’ if she was as far out o’ town as she was out o’ tune, she wouldn’t get back in a day.

Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.

You know the difference between right and wrong,’ he repeated finally. ‘Man, why did you need Initiation—by the Golden Dawn, or by anybody else? You are a genius, a sage, a giant among men. You...

If you wish, I shall go personally to your City and knock together the heads of Perlith and Galooney.

He sure told you off, huh, Icy?” ~Darcy

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

When you succumb to cynicism, darkness, pessimism and sarcasm you are amplifying imbalance and negativity.

I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death.

Just three words? Nothing about his physical health? His equipment? His supplies?”You got me,’ she said. ‘He left a detailed status report. I just decided to lie for no reason.”Funny,’ Venkat said. ‘Be a smart-ass...

Sarcasm will make your tits fall off.

So what were your favorite subjects in school?””School?” He leaned back in his chair as though he needed the extra space to think about it. “Probably math. It always made sense. Unlike English, economics, and...

Yeah, I was just curious. I concentrated on my footsteps.Yeah, well, next time you think about stepping into rock concerts you might want to bring a bodyguard.I stopped and turned around. I brought my hands...

Luchesi cannot tell amontillado from a sherry

I’m trained in sarcasm. It’s like karate, only the sting lasts longer.

Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.””You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect...

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.

Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan. You who sprawled out beside me and sang my horoscope to a Schubert...

I—though forced through lack of space to assume the form of a stoic guinea pig crouched between the girl’s shoe and the glove compartment—was my usual dignified self.

Oh, and by the way, he runs like a gazelle with an espresso addiction.” At least not in the parts I’d skimmed.

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty of half full. Just drink it while everyone is arguing about it and be thankful you had a glass with something in it!

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

You couldn’t find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.

Oh no, Nick” Jaime said in tones of supremely unconvincing shock, “how could you? When my back was turned for one momement. And my food was so delicious.

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, “That’d better be your gun.” “Why yes, I always pack my gun where it’ll blow my balls off.”[Landon]

I’ve never had sex with Benicio Del Toro in a lift. It was a sarcastic quote that I unfortunately gave to a journalist. I said: ‘Apparently, Benicio Del Toro and I had sex in an...

I’m good. And it’s good to see you’ve kept up the tradition of getting the holy shit beat out of you,even when you’re in a nice, civilized place.

When all else fails…try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn’t work…have another.

Does the mind come with beign human, or is it just a bonus some have?!

This is where you all live?” Asked John as they ascended the stairs. “It’s small.””This is just our Thanksgiving house,” Scott muttered. “We have a house for every day of the year.

That seems like stealing, doesn’t it?” Simon pulled a cup toward him. He drew the lid back. “Ooh. Mochaccino.” He looked at Magnus. “Did you pay for these?””Sure,” said Magnus, while Jace and Alec snickered....

The rich and large corporations get richer, the CEOs earn huge compensation packages, and when things get bad, don’t worry; Uncle Sam and the American taxpayers are here to bail you out. But when you...

Well, I think Leo’s either going to learn a much needed lesson in social activity– or go nuts and kill us all.” -Crash

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

Of course. I died today, and now I’m going to fight aliens with a light saber. Maybe after that we can look for mermaids. Or unicorns.””No,” he says. “Just aliens.”Was that the barest hint of...

Whatever doesn’t kill them, makes them make reality TV shows…

No. I’ve just been pretending to use my left hand my entire life because I enjoy never being able to work scissors properly.

You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I...

Sometimes, I think, that in the mornings when you first wake up, every thing that happened in the previous day rushes through our mind so fast, we, A: Don’t realize it. B: Become more tired,...

Abby wouldn’t want you to suffer because of some jerk that kidnapped her. She would want you to go on your trip so that she would have fun torturing you for not being a puddle...

How many kids are in the Graveyard?””A bunch.””Who sends your supplies?””George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget.””How often do you receive new arrivals?””About as often as you beat your wife.

You are in good shape for a dead man.

I was dead, and I hadn’t even been able to attend my own funeral.

What if,” replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, “we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to shield the words from public view?

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

Sometimes when I have the feeling like I’m almost crying, it can turn into an almost-laughing feeling.

You’re just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don’t think any woman will be safe until you get one.” Ian shot him an unamused look at...

Sarcasm is wasted on those who haven’t had a decent night’s sleep, my darling.

[about a hat] You can put it on and say, “Hey you, person without a hat! I’ve got something you don’t! How did I get it? Probably by being worth more to society.