I thought you were a drunk.””A drunk?””Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot ofnoise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else...

Two thousand years and I’ve never met anyone so stubborn.

Lord Ironman, please play tonsil hockey with me, just this one time. There, does that make you happy?

Vampires were always either trying to kill me, or own me. God I hated being popular.

I wasn’t entirely sure, but a polite John Pritkin might be a sign of the apocalypse.

Because we don’t really sparkle.

You gonna count ’em out now? Because I’ll save you the trouble. There’s two.

It feels good to shoot your veins full of heroin too, but that doesn’t mean you should go out and become a junkie.

Well, bloody noses.” I hug his coat tighter. “Those are definitely hot.

Normally ghosts didn’t scare him. (Assuming, of course, Gaea hadn’t encased them in shells of stone and turned them into killing machines. That had been a new one for him.)

Uh, yeah – how about a warm hell no to that request? Does that work for you? Because it works for me.

His voice, the very sound of rolling eyes.

Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

It means ‘Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234’.

… We are Nephilim; we fight our own battles.” “That’s not precisely true, is it?” said a velvety voice. It was Magnus Bane, wearing a long and glittering coat, multiple hoops in his ears, and...

It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake

Come on, there’s no one there. You want coffee?” Tess asked.”Yeah, sure, why not? I’m only on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don’t imagine why caffeine wouldn’t help this situation.

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one...

I’ll tell him this isn’t just a job to me, it’s a career, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I’ll surely never take for granted. Will I work nights, weekends, and holidays? There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted...

Here, have another one.

Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:”I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair...

Wenn ich den Eindruck hätte, dass in dem, was Sie da sagen, auch nur ein Körnchen Vernunft steckt, würde ich mir vielleicht die Mühe machen, mich auf eine solche Diskussion einzulassen. Aber wie die Dinge...

Just remember that you’re on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won’t be the lesser of them anymore.”Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes...

I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam....

Vegard and Riston’s job today was to guard and protect me. And considering that I was in a tower room in the Guardians’ citadel, it looked like a pretty plum assignment. I mean, how much...

I’m not sitting back here with another dude while there are two perfectly doable females in the car.

Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.

He was impugning my virtue. I ought to have been offended, but for some reason the idea tickled me. That could be my next career: instrument of torture! Seducing prisoners, and then revealing my dragon...

Sometimes we know people who aretoo wonderful for words. I am not one of them.Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

Very good, my young one. You’ve made Chris very happy with this little tidbit of information.

if the suggestion that the minuscule black turnip you call a heart is suddenly overflowing with generosity toward me leaves me wanting to arm myself and put my back against a wall.

“But you have said it too often, Mr. Benedict!” said Mrs. Perumal in an imperious tone that was quite out of character. “And if you continue in this vein, I’m afraid we’ll be compelled to...

Go on the roller coaster they tell me. It’ll be fun they tell me. -Max Montgomery

I wish there was some method to transform all the agony in my imprudent heart to an energy source. It would have lit up the world till eternity!!!

Phones with numerical keypads worked best for dialing phone calls. Incidentally, phone calls tend to be the primary function of a phone. ‘Smartphones’ completely ignore these basic facts, resulting in some of the least intelligent...

You’re playing hookey for her? You met her, what, five minutes ago? And now she’s what? Your girlfriend? Did you give her your varsity jacket?

He’d been given an assignment to write about teen beauty pageants […], which he’d accepted because he enjoyed blood sports as much as the next person.

Thank you so much for the rude know-it-all attitude while also having to look at your ridiculously colored hair and obnoxious facial and chest piercings. I am very fortunate to have just been schooled by...

Blows are sarcasm’s turned stupid.

There’s nothing like a headless corpse to bring a touch of excitement into one’s life.

I am told that removing the head from the body is often mortal.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

We are literally in the heart of Jesus,” he said.”I thought we were in a church basement, but we are literally in the heart of Jesus.””Someone should tell Jesus,” I said. “I mean, it’s gotta...

You’re Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?”As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?

Min aska kommer sprida värme.

Whatever crimes this man had committed, they weren’t as egregious as his inflated self-image.

Who the hell calls at two in the morning?””Maybe it’s Matt Wilde, confessing his love,” Lindsay says.”Very funny,

Nobody liked my plan.”You want us to split up?” Chase asked, his brow wrinkling in obvious bewilderment.Lake echoed the sentiment, her voice flat. “Why would we split up? There’s four of us and one of...