You’re starting to sound like one of those songs that DJ’s play when they wanna clear out the dancefloor.

Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn’t mean it can’t act like the little fucking demon it is.

The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt?

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.

The great thing about the Internet isn’t that you can reconnect with old friends or stay up to date with developing world events or send pictures of newborns immediately around the world. It is simply...

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

I paused for a moment, debating whether to turn and look what was happening. My senses told me Obo’s presence was still at my side, and turning my face into the barrel of a gun...

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.”They didn’t!”They did.”When?”Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Couldn’t you just lie and tell me you have some kind of secret badass weapon that is going to make this a piece of cake?

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there’s nothing more touching to a mother’s heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Take care with the words you speak, it’s best to keep them sweet….. because you never know when you might have to eat them!

It’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the one bringing sanity to the equation

I’m so honest, that in order to compliment you, I’d improve you first.

If you’re not, you will be when you poke your eye out on one of them.

Father never went into depth about what happened if I woke up, unable to remember how I’d died, but most definitely in the hands of those not selected to have s’mores and sleepovers for all...

It’s not that we have more patience as we grow older, it’s just that we’re too tired to care about all the pointless drama

There’s an empty seat next to me in the ‘intensely aggravating’ section…and it’s got your name on it

Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.

You’re the picture of respectability and moral character…You expect me to believe you were your parents’ worst nightmare? What was your criminal act of choice—drunken bar fights? Or maybe grand theft auto? Don’t tell me...

If you are a writer and you write/understand sarcasm please be thankful to the government and the masses.Without their hard work and supreme idiotism it wouldn’t have been possible.You owe them the brutal sarcasm, they’ve...

While you were out JUDGING others, you left your closet door open…and guess what fell out!….Ooops

I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush.

Once upon a time, there was this über-creepy old man—who looks like he lives in a haunted shack and eats small children for breakfast—and I decided to make him my new best friend becaaauuse… Okay,...

I’d tell you nice try, but… it wasn’t.

Let’s go.

Anger can be quite rewarding…at least for those of us who have the option of blasting our enemies to oblivion.

It’s insulting…and highly annoying.

I did. And if you stuck him, and stuffed him, and hung him on the wall, I’d be very glad to admire him. But in life he’s an arrogant pig, and I didn’t care for...

Should I worry about going to sleep?”She blinked, then laughed under her breath. At least Sam took her threats somewhat seriously.

My instincts told me that death would somehow be…different. But my rational mind reminded me that I had probably tempted fate one too many times. At least, I thought it was my rational mind. It...

I decided that a movie marathon was clearly in order. I tried to narrow down the options. Anything romantic was definitely out, as was anything involving space travel, kings, or handsome princes. Preferably there should...

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the ‘totality’. The television also told her she wouldn’t age if she bought expensive...

As I finished my rice, I sketched out the plot of a pornographic adventure film called The Massage Room. Sirien, a young girl from northern Thailand, falls hopelessly in love with Bob, an American student...

It takes normal people years to pick up on all those little phrases. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel, when I can’t even say ‘Hello, my name is Palta…Oh, and by the...

The TARDIS can look like whatever it wants.

Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there.

Rupert: “… At this rate, somebody is bound to upset the Warlock once too often, and we’ll end up with a Court full of bemused looking toads.””He wouldn’t dare use his magic here,” said the...

I’m a doctor, I know these things,” I shrugged.

Dude, if you hate the show, all you had to do was say so.

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.

The worst thing about the dead rising? (Other than, you know, all the zombies?) The smell. Nothing kills the mood like the odor of three day old road kill and poo… -Katherine Anita Cho(KyCH)

You have quite a repertoire of ‘pants’ references, don’t you?

Wes sat in a cracked vinyl booth picking at his fries and listening to Amanda go on and on about the dress she’d found. ‘…and it has these little lavender bows. Oh, Wes, I can’t...

It’s weird, marriage. It’s like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their ‘other half.

Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass.

Don’t waste yer’ breath kid. Explainin’ anything to that one? It’s like tryin’ ta’ slap the dumb off a retard… -George Foster

Yeah, I can really paint a verbal picture,” I responded dryly.