He seemed only … annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot. “Yeah, well,” he said, “the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn’t really exist, leave...

Whatever you are, do not even assume that you will be surrounded and gnawed by luxurious worms of an exquisite breed.

Nothing like an orange and olive green-striped couch sitting on orange carpet and surrounded by dark wood paneling to get the inspiration rolling.

I think one of the problems in this country is that too many people are screwing things up, committing crimes and then getting on with their lives. What is really needed for public officials who...

An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.

The best place to store your weapons safely is in your enemy’s hands. It is in your best interest to be defenseless while your rulers have all the weapons. After all, the government knows what’s...

That was Hunter,’ said Quinn as his father’s footsteps faded away.’I figured. Since he said to call him Hunter and everything.

Need I say more?”No, because you’re wrong, and I’d hate for you to keep embarrassing yourself.

I swear to God, if GreatReads doesn’t stop sending me these notification emails…how many times do I have to turn them off?

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?

I mean, I don’t know why, since I’m simply delightful to be around. But to each his own taste.

I don’t get you people. You watch the Godfather on television and tons of people are getting shot and stabbed to death, blood splattering everywhere and it is entertaining. But, when they killed a horse,...

You can deduct it from my slow and painful death.

So this was the rest of his life. It felt like a party to which he’d been invited, but at an address he couldn’t actually locate. Someone must be having fun at it, this life...

Why can’t these American women stay in their own country? They are always telling us that it is the paradise for women.It is. That is the reason why, like Eve, they are so excessively anxious...

I couldn’t hack it in Hollywood, my writing’s wasn’t bad enough.

I once saw you in a tuxedo and all I wanted to do is eat.

I realize you’re planning on fighting all the dragons single-handedly-“”I’m going to protect you from John, dammit. Show him that he can’t fucking mess with you. This is about territory.”Tom narrowed his eyes. “Are you...

Mmm, being irresistibly likeable is such a trial,’ she drawled in an impeccable aristocratic whine. ‘One is constantly in demand, but one must do one’s duty, mustn’t one, dear chap? Noblesse oblige and all that…

All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.

All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.

By the Angel,” Jace said, looking the demon up and down. “I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell.”Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside...

Drink, fuck and smoke plenty of cigarettes.

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you – smile, giggle, or laugh.

Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease...

Where are Haldad my father, and Haldad my brother? If the king of Doriath fears a friendship between Haleth and those who have devoured her kin, then the ways of the Eldar are strange to...

She wished she had a set of greeting cards at the ready, but Hallmark probably didn’t make any that said Thank you for giving up your life so that me and my friends could escape!...

That’s one way we differ, Jaime and I. He’s taller as well, you may have noticed.

Well, that’s just a waste of perfectly good bourbon if you ask me.

You could shove it up your ass and pretend you’re a corn dog.”COURTESY VIOLATION-RESPONSE MUTED-VIOLATION LOGGED

They were shot with a shotgun and put in garbage bags and thrown under a bridge,” Shrake said. “If it wasn’t murder, it was a really weird accident.

Liraz snorted, caught off guard, and the tension between them ebbed away. “I’m sorry of my almost dying interrupted your almost kissing.

Ignore the reek of feces in the air, the bloodstains on the ground, and you have yourself a glorious night.

I’m also incapable going to be your next brilliant observation.

Not that I knew who you were until last month. But now that I’ve got you, I’m not letting you go.””You’re not?”Blake stared at her in irritated confusion. What was her game? “Do you think...

Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.

I’ve given her signs! I’ve given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn?

Truly,” remarked Nandi as we entered a darkened tunnel, “it is amazing that you have not died yet, mistress.” “Well, hang in there. The night is young.

Facts are much more malleable than prejudices.

Janice rolled her eyes. First, the doctor had ogled her, and now Karr was leering at her and licking his lips lasciviously.”Oh this is great. I’m being mentally undressed by a space pirate.

Think of it as an eight-dimensional onion.’ Justine straightened her back and gave her father an exasperated look. ‘Thanks, Dad. That’s helpful. I always think in those terms, it really helps a lot.

Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today?””Is that including, or not including you?

I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT’S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS

You know,” Cecily said, “you really didn’t have to throw that man through the window.””He wasn’t a man,” Gabriel said, scowling. “He was an Unseelie Court faerie. One of the nasty ones.””Is that why you...

Where is your false, your treacherous, and cursed wife?””She’s gone forrard to the Police Office,” returns Mr Bucket. “You’ll see her there, my dear.””I would like to kiss her!” exclaims Mademoiselle Hortense, panting tigress-like. “You’d...

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there’s nothing more touching to a mother’s heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

Nefarious purposes translation: For disgusting demon sex and the birth of the Devil incarnate. Nice.

Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.

There are a few things that even sarcasm can’t protect you from.

..her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it.