Because the first time they met…Y-da: “You know, Y-naga-san, the more makeup you put on, the more you look like a guy in drag. So I’m going to call you F-mio!”Y-naga: “I-I like this person!”The...

How dense and literal it is. I thought it had a much more sophisticated brain.” “Your mother is dense,” Alif said wearily. “My mother was an errant crest of sea foam. But that is neither...

It took Pueblo a few seconds to take in his surroundings. The first thing he realised was that he felt bruised all over; the second was that his clothes were waterlogged, even more than before,...

I told her about the time that I got so tired of you stealing the sheets that in my sleep-weary logic I decided that the thing to do was to tie them around my legs,...

I made a deal with sharks. I don’t swim near them and they don’t play cricket.

Curious about these new entities, the elementals asked why the gods were in the shape they were.”We are bipedal,” Erebus said. “We wish to be distinguished from the animals.””What are animals?” an elemental asked.”We’re not...

I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.

…trying to predict whether global warming will moderate the next ice age is not only impossible but irrelevant. It doesn’t help us get through the next few centuries. And one can only imagine our future,...

I always reminded myself that this wasn’t exactly where I was meant to be, but pit stops are okay on the road of life, aren’t they?

Will laughed. ‘I now know why fate linked you with Xav. You are going to tease each other unmercifully.’Victorthrew down a card. ‘Might make the world a little safer for the rest of us then.”Unless...

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

The human body is the best work of art.

CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan…. If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might...

It’s a shame that we have to choose between two such second-rate countries as the USSR and the USA.

Call it a personal foible. Some people are scared of spiders. I’m scared of immolation. Also spiders.

He’s all right. His hair is cute.”Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. ” Oh my God, you’re in love.””I’m not in love.””‘his hair is cute’? You never say anything nice about anyone....

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me.

For a moment, Simon’s sympathetic nervous system forgot he was arachnophobic. The sight of those spindly legs rising, like an ink drawing popping out of paper into three-dimensional space, should have caused a surge of...

I was coming down off the last painkiller left in my dresser drawer after Autumn tossed my stash. In that moment I was so groggy and happy I would have accepted a date with Oscar...

The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.

So it’s off with the shellsuit and on with the Armanis,Bring out the champagne and the caviar sarnies

Sometimes he was weird, sometimes he was Captain Douchebag, but he was always my best friend.

I love Sherlock Holmes. I’ve got all his books, leather-bound. What I thought was great about Sherlock Holmes was that not only was he a supersleuth, he was also a hard worker. Not only did...

To write you dreams of fantasy, is to create fantasy in another’s dreams.

That’s not all I’ve got.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That’s the two categories. The horrible are like, I don’t know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don’t know how...

Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, “You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.

If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I’d like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the...

At home I’ve got a very puerile, juvenile sense of humour.

Space, as you can see, is a complete void, nothing but clear air, without solid objects or the illumination of light. On some of our photographs of space, however, studied close to, even without a...

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a...

Tom, how many children do you think I have to have before I figure out you get them by having sex?””Of course there would be protection,” he offered.”Tons of it.

In the middle section of the book Mirabelle breaks into not one, but two houses near Belgravia Books. I had fun scoping these out – checking which windows looked least secure and figuring out how...

Mr Hawkins said nothing; the Hawkins’ domestic affairs were arranged upon the principle that Fanny supplied the talk and he the silence.

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.

The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is...

To do is to be – AristotleTo be or not to be – ShakespeareTo be is to do – Jean-Paul SartreDo be do be do – Frank Sinatra

Centurion! Would you like to be a cavalryman one last time? There are Venicones who escaped when your line was broken to be hunted down, and Tribune Licinius has ordered me to take the best...

Lebedev: France has a clear and defined policy… The French know what they want. They just want to wipe out the Krauts, finish, but Germany, my friend, is playing a very different tune. Germany has...

I was shy,” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.

I tried to think outside the box but couldn’t open the lid.

Age may catch up with you, just never let it over take you.

And Talon did not understand – no, strike that, he didn‘t want to understand – why seeing Hawk and Roadkill together gave him a funny ache in the pit of his stomach. Every time he...

Have a selective optimistic sight, transform the bitch glitch “in stitches.

Obelmäker is eating at his desk, a habit both Baumauer and Pissec find repulsive.

Sometimes I think about dying. And then I wonder about going to hell. And then I think that if and when I go there, the place will be completely organized and run by lost souls,...

Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist’s career.

Miss Mackintosh waved her arms wildly.”Oh, please stop, and let me guess,” she cried. “I shall go crazy with joy if I’m right. It was an old Peerage, and so she found that Lady Deal...

For my sustenance at night,the whole that my hands can gleanfrom the gloom of the oak-gloomed oaks–the herbs and the plenteous fruits…