Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet.

Pops added,”you know, they say if you don’t vote, you get the government you deserve.””And if you do, you never get the results you expected,” (Katherine) replied.

I have been lately introduced to the famous Thomas Paine, and like him very well. He is vain beyond all belief, but he has reason to be vain, and for my part I forgive him....

A Christian telling an atheist they’re going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they’re not getting any presents from Santa.

It’s not lit, it’s literature. Lit is something a book can be, after you’ve decided to burn it. (I suggest you start the fire with my book.)

Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true.

passing out,” a phrase that carries a distinct hint of judgment.

If I weren’t married, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d ask that girl out. But what can I do? I’m an honorable guy.

Now Leroux, what think youOf this twist to the story?

Gavin, Logan, Calix. Was there a sale on trendy names when they were born, or something?

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone.

Love dances in my heart like a nudist in socks. Boy, that jig is awfully jiggly.

Pakistan not only means freedom and independence but the Muslim Ideology which has to be preserved, which has come to us as a precious gift and treasure and which, we hope other will share with...

Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called.

The remote isn’t broke—it just needs batteries. Well, it’s the same with my love.

a politician is an arse uponwhich everyone has sat except a man

Then Dad started going on about the complex geological formations in this part of the coast until Mum told him to shut up. But she was smiling when she said it. Lucy liked that.

When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies “Brains,” blow its fucking head off. * If it replies “Brian,” ask it again, as you may have encountered...

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

Mmm,” said Ares, without turning his head. “This war on terror isn’t producing enough casualties. Bringing in Iran is the obvious choice, but I don’t think they’ve got enough fire power yet. I wonder if...

We get a lot of calls where the person is murdered at home, but is not found for a period of time. And so the animals have already started to take the body apart because...

I’m sorry I hurt your hand…with my face.”-Bobby Pendragon

Let me say right here, if I haven’t made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in the last twenty-four hours to bruise my delicate psyche for a lifetime, so...

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.

Godshawk looked surprised, the way that people generally do when you ask them philosophical questions in shrubberies in the middle of the night.

She just asked me to pick her up some tampons and a Yoo-Hoo.” ~Alex Sinclair

Poor Christopher-John had fallen into the hands of Miss. Daisy Crocker. I greatly sympathized him, but as in everything else, Christopher John tried to see the bright side in having to face such a shrew...

It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.

That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.””Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?

I’m going to treat myself to one of these as a reward for not knocking himself unconscious with a skillet.

In a word, in adversity she was the best of comforters, in good fortune the most troublesome of friends…

We made love sweet and gentle, like strawberry jelly. Peanut butter makes me horny.

Are you having a seizure or something?” she jested, displaying a rare vein of humor.Egnatious sent her a queasy glare.

I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.

A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.

Eragon looked back at him, confused. “I don’t understand.””Of course you don’t,” said Brom impatiently. “That’s why I’m teaching you and not the other way around.

Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.Unfortunately, it wasn’t with me.

‘Smee, you are a supreme idjit.’ ‘Aye, Cap’n.’

Indeed, one concern would be that the initial neoconservative response to a zombie outbreak would be to invade Iraq again out of force of habit.

They want to suck your blood,” Rob says in a Romanian accent.Jaden snorts. Too bad humor won’t help them out of this mess.

He’s like my best friend. And I say that only because I have no real friends, and Cap’n is a great listener (he never interrupts when I’m talking—and I’m always the one doing all the...

I want to invent a drug to help people get off drugs.

Lord Peter Wimsey: Facts, Bunter, must have facts. When I was a small boy, I always hated facts. Thought they were nasty, hard things, all nobs. Mervyn Bunter: Yes, my lord. My old mother always...

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

B looked down the shaft, at a metal ladder and darkness beyond. “Me first?”Of course. You’re the apprentice, so you always go first into the unknown. If anyone’s going to be eaten by a grue,...

I asked what year the car was that was sitting in the driveway, but what I meant was how long had it been parked there. If it’s been there since 1982, I’ve been in love...

Whoever said ignorance is bliss must have died a horrible death with a really surprised look on his face.

You know cats, always scratching on this or that, but never scratching what you want when you want it. (Like my balls, when they’re itchy!) I recently got him declawed, which sucked for him, but...

I recorded the ding-dong sound that shoplifting sensors at the doors of Wal-Mart make. Now I just stand at the exit and press play as people try to leave.