There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from midtown and how late is it open?

Psychotics, say what you want about them, tend to make the first move.

Sunglasses block the sun, but why bother with all that when my love could do it more effectively? My love shines so bright it makes the sun seem like the moon.

It took nearly a year to finish the ever-changing [marriage candidates] list, with the assistance of his sister and his aging spinster aunt, who lorded over their affairs as the self-appointed voice of cultivated reason....

I’m a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

There is one woman I’ve dated I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how much I drink or how many concussions I give myself.

The baby batScreamed out in fright,’Turn on the dark,I’m afraid of the light.

If I wouldn’t have looked under the hood, I’d have never noticed the problem. But as far as I know, the problem didn’t exist before I opened the hood. So did I cause the problem...

I can always say no to a bottle of booze, but only after saying yes to the alcohol inside.

Most people whom you may view as wine experts are usually just good at one thing: winemakers are good at making wine, sommeliers at talking about it, and wine journalists at drinking it for free.

She had a highly developed sense of humor which in some lights looked a bit like a sense of justice.

I want to open a 24-hour store called Closed. It’s open, and it’s Closed.

Percy, you are dismissed from my service.””Me? Why, my lord?””Why? Because, Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride...

That’s what I meant,’ said Pippin. ‘We hobbits ought to stick together, and we will. I shall go, unless they chain me up. There must be someone with intelligence in the party.

Just because I’m insane doesn’t mean I have to act all crazy.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

Nature is a porno. Deal with it.

I’ll give you a glass of wine, if you give me a few drops of water from your eyes. I’m thirsty for your sadness.

Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who’s at the top of the billboard charts for billboard sales?

Who leads the world in consumption? America! Who has more lawyers per capita? America! Who has the highest incarceration rate? America! What is the greatest country on earth? America!

I haven’t seen my old friends in a while. Maybe next week I’ll go visit them in the nursing home.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Everyone is a fuckin’ Napoleon.

Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give.

Mr. Armstrong has strong arms. Probably from bicycling so much. And steroids.

I was kind of excited to go to jail for the first time and I learnt some great dialogue.

I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.

I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not.

If I’m going down, I’m going down with lipstick on.

A present is not the source of buying someone’s love but its a source of showing how much u love and apriciate that particular person

I dance like I have a chip on my shoulder. I dance salsa.

Nobody ever goes to that store to shop because it’s too crowded.

Look, Mrs. McGillicuddy, it’s not my fault your son jumped out a dorm room window on Christmas eve. I’ve written over fifty books as a Columbia professor, all right? You don’t do that by holding...

Hoping you were the first to do something, and fearing you weren’t the first, won’t change the future by altering the past. If you can’t be Neil Armstrong, then be Neil Armstronger.

I’m going to have to kiss you, McIntire.

What did you think of him?” Cade asked.”Give me some credit,” Zach said. “Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond.

Economists and psychologists get confused when they are asked ‘out of syllabus’ questions by life!

Forget food for thought. Give me food for my belly.

No, we’re talking Brad and Johnny need to bow down and recognize” Jacque answered.

I don’t punch walls, because walls don’t punch back. I also don’t punch things that can and do punch back.

What I thought was a black hole turned out to be nothing more than a splatter of ink on my tie. And I assumed I was wearing the most astrological outfit of the century.

Montana was naked, and so was Billy, of course. He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who’ll get one.

He took a breath, then proclaimed, ‘Lady Shaselle of Hytanica, I am in love with you.’ I burst into laughter, pulling my legs up to ease my aching stomach muscles. He rolled onto his side...

[My mom’s] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it’s her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.

My password is meatlover. My profile picture is a pizza. My love for you is real, like an invisible and inaudible mime parade.

Yesterday I bought myself a karate trophy. But I feel like I won it, because the salesman really beat me up over the price.

If my name were Nubby Blues, I wouldn’t be a jazz musician, I’d be a disabled Vietnam vet on welfare.

The massive lump of flesh that has created you, me, and maybe, animals, everything that has life will forever live.

It appears your son was 85 percent curry!

Leo lowered his screwdriver. He looked at the ceiling and shook his head like, What am I gonna do with this guy? “I try very hard to be annoying,” Leo said. “Don’t insult my ability...