And his computer’s spell-check always forces him to capitalize the word “Internet”. Come on; World War Two earned it’s capitalization. The Internet just sucks human beings away from reality.

That’s chess!” snapped Ron. “You’ve got to make some sacrifices!

Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.’That’s some catch, that Catch-22,’ he observed.’It’s the best there is,’ Doc Daneeka agreed.Yossarian saw it...

As a boy, I used to marvel that the letters in a closed book did not get scrambled and lost overnight.

I am but a flower. Do with me what thou wilt.

Now, Sabin. He didn’t mean any harm. He’s borderline stupid. You know that.

Yes, I have tricks in my pocket, I have things up my sleeve. But I am the opposite of a stage magician. He gives you illusion that has the appearance of truth. I give you...

Contribute to No More Lies Dot Org. Every dollar you donate will bring us 75 cents closer to the truth.

To what extent does anybody control his destiny? Life is very much like falling of the edge of a cliff. You have complete freedom to make all the choices you want to take on your...

My hush is lush. It’s drunk on its own greenness, just as I’m drunk on my blue silence. What would you say if I asked you to turquoise?

A brick could be used for note delivery, from the KKK.

If you’re too slow off a red light, I’ll lay on my horn, because I’m a honky. Was that racist? Only if you’re trying to stir up political votes.

It was one of those decisions that shouldn’t have been so easy to get so wrong. Go on your own or take the half wasted waif. She was wearing denim hotpants with a pink vest...

One who is seeking the truth sooner or later finds a woman.

It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter evenly on crumbly bread.

Me,” Artemis blurted. “I’m the nut.”Artemis could have sworn the squid winked at him before bringing the five-ton chunk of spacecraft swinging down toward the morsel of meat in its blue shell.”I’m the nut!” Artemis...

Don’t drink my tears. They will only make you thirsty. And sad.

No sabía qué pensar de aquel hombre caballo con quien debía permanecer casada durante un año. Era obvio que me interesaba. Después de todo, no había conocido nunca a nadie como él. Admitamos que no...

I didn’t apply for a job this morning, but I did apply deodorant. So I have that going for me.

It’s interesting to watch someone think. Glass skulls would be cool.

Sunshine, I… Starla’s voice broke off as she entered the room and caught sight of him standing naked in the corner. She eyed him in an odd, detached way, as if he were an interesting...

If you listen to the rain long enough, you’ll eventually soak up the wisdom.

There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It’s like he was raised by giraffes or something.

I am ever a gentle maiden,” she shouted. “Damn if I’m not.

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.

I measured the length of my hand today, and just as I thought, it’s exactly as long as my other hand. I was so excited I started clapping.

Oh, goodie,” Puck said as I stepped forward. “I’m going to have a rash in the most uncomfortable places.

That wasn’t any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.

Dear Miss Tremor. You are smart and kind and pretty. I think you have really excellent stuff under your clothes and I would like to see it, please. Let’s go on a date and get...

He smiled at that, and then his gaze shifted to a spot over my shoulder and it faded. ‘These doubts wouldn’t have anything to do with the company you’re keeping of late, would they?’I didn’t...

Love is like politics, I think as I then think no it isn’t.

Duck!” Not a Feathery Quack Maker, but Get down!

Do you love me, Westley? Is that it?’He couldn’t believe it. ‘Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. If your love...

The only ironic thing about that song is that it’s called ‘Ironic’ and it is written by a woman who doesn’t know what irony is. That’s quite ironic when you think about it. (on Alanis...

When did you suddenly become Mister Maturity?

This is agony cried Mr Salteena clutching hold of a table my life will be sour grapes and ashes without you.

The Builders are building with you in mind, dear citizen, so don’t worry your tiny mind about whether the bricks they are using are going to construct schools or prisons. They won’t tell, and you...

PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY!

A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

Being dead is highly overrated. It’s no fun at all.” — Mythe: A Fairy Tale

I don’t like questions at all if they are anything like how I like my mashed potatoes: loaded.

I’m trying to keep your safe!” Puck exploded, whirling on me. His eyes feverish, and I shrank back. “This isn’t a game, Meghan! The shit is about to hit the fan, and you’re right in...

You doan go diggin’ for gold in an outhouse.

A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.

Of course, everyone’s parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe...

SETI scans the stars searching for extraterrestrial intelligence, which pretty much rules out them ever finding an alien politician.

Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.

He plunged into the foliage, and was swept into a humid, wet world of towering trees, animal chirps and thick ferns. After a few steps, he turned, and could barely make out the village. He...

A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!

He has the memory of a convict, the balls of a fireman, and the eyesight of a housebreaker. When there is crime to fight, Landsman tears around Sitka like a man with his pant leg...