My mother used to tell me man gives the award, God gives the reward. I don’t need another plaque.

Yesterday I bought myself a karate trophy. But I feel like I won it, because the salesman really beat me up over the price.

There’s nothing more important than literary merit, and that’s why I not only created an award—the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award—but I nominated myself as the first recipient. You can’t always wait for...

I want to win an award that doesn’t exist yet. Well, I want my clone to win it, and that’s almost the same thing—and he also doesn’t exist yet, so it’s perfect.

You’re first place in my heart. And here’s a second-place ribbon from my third grade shuttle run to prove it. I’ve kept it all these years to remind myself that I’m a winner.

I slept through the award presentation for Napper of the Year. They had to wake me when I won. Winning was like a dream come true.

For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated.

Enroll your body, soul and spirit and engage your time to do what you know best. Dedicate yourself to the work at hand and you will be rewarded by the fruits you will bear!

The Emmy should be an ensemble award, too. I kept howling at everyone else’s performances.

An award would be more prestigious if it came with a supplemental income for a year, so you could focus on repeating your title.

An ‘Employee of the Month’ is a titled given to someone who best helped someone else actualize their dream—in that particular month.

First find your crown and then wear it, then your crowd will come towards you with ovations

And these women were not concerned in the least that Kellan had roommates. In fact, I don’t think they were even concerned that he had neighbors. Maybe they were operating under the false assumption that...

We are all actors, set on the stage of the world, as the curtains open we put on our best performance to this audience of life.

The university awarded me my degree, but can something that’s basically worthless be properly called an award?

There will always be road construction in life, and never a point when all the highways are fixed. Keep walking.

I think anytime you get nominated for an award, it’s a very humbling thing.

A trophy isn’t about the hardware, the gold-painted statue mounted on marble, it’s about the recognition of excellence. A trophy is a physical representation of the abstract concepts of hard work and dedication. And that’s...

You mustn’t take any award so seriously.

When it comes to judging individuals, I do not like remarks such as ‘too good to be true.’ They speak as though one is rewarding the nature of evil. Yet, ironically, we still wonder where...

I want a trophy wife. I’ll keep her on the shelf next to my future Nobel peace prize. (I plan on inventing a gun that shoots love, not bullets.)

So many people have won Emmys, so many people have won multiple Emmys that I think it’s a degraded award.

Be willing to give, but only when you aren’t expecting anything in return.

I was honored at the awards ceremony. I didn’t get any recognition, but I was honored to be there. (Tickets were cheaper than I imagined!)

If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.

My clones just honored me with the 2012 Man of the Year Award. But I wasn’t fooled—I knew they were really honoring themselves.