Leadership is being the first egg in the omelet.

Well, here’s a poem for you. Get lost!

I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this garbage?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

ESPE: So, in both conversations, Lama Sangyay steers you away from thinking directly about Epifanio or your relationship (or lack thereof) and right into the nature of your mind. So masterful.CLARA: Isn’t he? I hate...

They didn’t just live with secrets. Secrecy surrounded their entire lives.

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

My asset looked more dead than alive – which, given that he was dead, lent the scene a certain credibility. – [context classified]

I want to be the mayor of a small town. A small town I populated entirely with my seed.

Movado,” because it’s a waste of time. Instead of spending your free time trying to put a ball in a net, how about reading a few books.

If you’re stuck in the past, you go forward in reverse

Look at me. I am insecure. I need your reaction to what I am doing, but you’re not cool enough to be my friend. Therefore, I will just pray you see this because the approval...

[Nicodemus] ‘Magistra DeVega, can I ask for your help?'[DeVega] ‘You can ask,’ she said with her usual calmness, ‘but the clerics haven’t developed a cure for death by idiotic leadership.

Two decaying racehorse carcasses would make a great bathtub. I’m a fast lover.

A key sociological factor underlying the prevalence of zombies as a theme in modern culture is that zombie movies are cheap as hell to make.

My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.

When some Jeff tries to be other Jeffs, ain’t no Jeffrey in the house to be found smiling. Also, there are no Jeffries in this house.

Don’t be so hard on yourself….that’s what a loofah’s for

Are we not all actors playing parts in another person’s play?

Go ahead. You’re not going to walk in on anyone. I’m home alone.””The whole night?”Immediately, I realized it might not have been the smartest thing to say. “Dorothea will be coming soon.” That was a...

It’s important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It’s not only life of babies, but it’s life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet.

The USPS is the only place in the world where you will find a black guy, a white guy, and a hispanic guy playing Filipino poker! And we love it that way!

I love coffee, and coffee loves me. You know what else loves me? Hookers in hot paper cups.

I want to do it too!” (sitting motionless)Nudge: “Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church.”Max: (muttering) “Appropriately enough.”Iggy: “What about me?” (stands still)Max: “No, you’re visible.”Iggy: “Am not!”Max: (throws a pinecone at...

You’re like a tornado of bullshit right now. We’ll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else’s house.

Where is Polonius?- In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i’ the other place yourself.

I’m fairly certain that, at this very minute, the [Mars Polar Lander] is floating somewhere around the Neptune feeling tired and cranky and looking for a Holiday Inn.Of course, you’d have to have a heart...

You can share in my joy, but I don’t want to share my misery. No, I want to give away my misery. Go ahead, take it all.

I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane.It never is, sir.Lane, you’re a perfect pessimist.I do my best to give satisfaction, sir.

I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land searching for the next great American novel. If I dig deep enough, I’m...

Bricks could be used to pad the pockets of crooked politicians. Why stuff their greedy pockets with cash, when we could load them up with bricks and find out how good of swimmers they are?

the only drinking problem I’ve ever had, is figuring out why I’m still stuck in this salad spinner

Katniss: ‘What about you? Ive seen you in the market. You can lift hundred pound bags of flour’. I snap at himTell him that. Thats not nothing.Peeta: Yes and Im sure the arena will be...

She looked like she believed in something, or wanted to, and I hoped to hell it wasn’t God, not in the way The Dad believes, because all that does is make him forced and desperate....

I often repeat repeat myself,I often repeat repeat.I don’t don’t know why know why,I simply know that I I Iam am inclined to say to saya lot a lot this way this way-I often repeat...

It isn’t he who laughs last, but he whose laugh lasts.

Coffee is made from beans. Burritos also have beans in them, although I’ll admit a burrito isn’t as drinkable as a cup of coffee.

Teamwork is me helping you build a brick wall that will come between us and forever divide us. Division through unity.

I can’t wait for the next time I get to put my mouth on you.” In an instant the smile faded and she snapped her teeth and yanked her head back as if she was...

When all else fails…try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn’t work…have another.

In my day the principal concerns of university students were sex, smoking dope, rioting and learning. Learning was something you did only when the first three weren’t available.

Three men walk into a bar. The third guy’s name is 333. The first guy’s name is The Second Guy, and the second guy’s name is I’m Not Lying. One of these men is not...

SpookSpeak. Agent n. The average of a double agent and no agent at all.

I want to type one of my books into a free online translation website, and convert it from English to German and then publish the results as an exercise in the absurd.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?

Lynn, she saved half our faction from this stuff,” says Marlene, tapping the bandage on her arm from where the Dauntless traitors shot her. “Well, half of half of our faction.””In some circles they call...

Life isn’t all fricasseed frogs and eel pie.

Soul mates are said to be two souls destined to be together, programmed to recognize each other across time and space. I didn’t know whether that was the truth, but I was inclined to believe...

Yes, well, that doesn’t usually happen to women in London. But it’s not so much of a scandal as it is a challenge.

A pen is like a switchblade you can actually write with—and pull off a successful mugging with.