You made me feel less alone;you made me feel not quite sodeformed, uninformed and hunchbacked.

I have an abnormally shaped brain. According to neuroimaging, my brain looks like a curled up sleeping kitten. That’s how I make love like meow.

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

People of very different opinions–friends who can discuss politics, religion, and sex with perfect civility–are often reduced to red-faced rage when the topic of conversation is the serial comma or an expression like more unique....

(Sadie)”I’m not judging you, Dylan. I love vampire movies. If I looked surprised it was only because it’s so different from your TV work, that’s all.”His shoulders relaxed a notch. “Sorry. Olly gives me a...

I wish I were like Facebook; being able to ‘like’ and ‘share’ everything I get.

Son, I’m dying,” where I visualize the day my estranged dad calls me out of the blue to tell me he is dying, and in as many ways as possible I’ll offer up various responses...

The guards had asked the Doctor to please wait in the hallway until Mr McCavity had time to see him. So it seemed only polite, the Doctor thought, to wait until they had gone before...

I make cuddles the way I make clam chowder—without complaining and without jelly. If you assume the position, I’ll put the biscuits in the oven.

I often talk about unconditional love towards others. But the truth is I have always looked for favorable conditions when it comes to self-love and happiness. Now that is what you call a true confession!

I know lots of things you don’t””Name five.””The Grand Unification Theory, tax law, binary, the capital of Azerbailan, and how tractors work.

When the entire document is redacted, everybody’s on the same page.

New Rule: Just because a country elects a smart president doesn’t make it a smart country. A couple of weeks ago, I was asked on CNN if I thought Sarah Palin could get elected president,...

I want to bill Billings one penny at a time.” He died with five cents to his name. I was named after him—fifty years after him.

Had Stella been named anything else, and/or had we lived in any other city besides New Orleans, my desperate call would have been just my desperate call. In that alternate universe the neighbors might have...

I suppose Orafoura was right about the vagina. It is such a wonderful spot to vacation. I’d recommend taking the whole family.

Can you surf really well, then?”I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.”Jeez, Nico,” I said. “I’ve never really tried.”He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since...

You can write the most detailed, vivid description of an ax entering a skull, and nobody will say a word in protest. But if you write a similarly detailed description of a penis entering a...

I thought you were just typical teenagers.”No one has ever called me typical. I can’t say I like it.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I agree’.

Algebra is numbers forgetting why they’re letters.

What’s that you mutter to yourself, Matthew Maule?” asked Scicpio. “And what for do you look so black at me?””No matter, darky,” said the carpenter. “Do you think nobody is to look black but yourself?

I want to drown in all the ink used to write positive things about my clone and how great he is.

What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.

Deciduous trees are trees that can’t decide what outfit to wear, so they change three times a year.

I’ve never done this before. I didn’t go to human bars. Mudslides aside, I’m not much of a drinker. Club people are not my people. Now, book-club people—

You let me handle Marius,” I said. “Now, you didn’t come without you dagger.””No, I did not,” he said, lifting his cloak to reveal it, “And with your permission I would like to plunge it...

Ben let a slow smile play over his face. He loved this part. It always felt like revealing to a disbeliever that he had magical powers or something.

Two puzzles that cannot be solved: The miracle of birth and misery of death.

A circular table that spins around is a great way to make a romantic dinner for two with three people less awkward. I’ll pay for myself, I promise.

He who thinks he’s the best is not the best… And the one who thinks “he who thinks he’s the best is not the best” is also not the best.

I make love like a lump of cold oatmeal. I apologize if that mental image excites you and makes you hunger for me.

Three lights should be fine.” – Zachary”Aye, well if it wis me, I’d want a bloody lighthoose beacon comin’ oot o’ my arse.” – True MacDonald

He’s stubborn,” Tux warned in a singsong tone.”Stay out of this,” Mark spat.”And touchy,” Tux added.

Winning the lottery is all skill, and that’s why I don’t play—because it would be unfair to all the other competitors. I’m like that as a lover too, always thinking about the other competitors.

My family would never bother with something so insignificant as job experience. I’m sure they started the interview by asking what her favoritecolor was.

[G]randma was always afraid of something. She set aside time each day for dread. And not nameless dread. She was quite specific about the various tragedies stalking her. She feared pneumonia, muggers, riptides, meteors, drunk...

Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war.””The plant war,” Percy said. “You’re going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles?

Arya did not dare [take a bath], even though she smelled as bad as Yoren by now, all sour and stinky. Some of the creatures living in her clothes had come all the way from...

A cavalryman’s horse should be smarter than he is. But the horse must never be alowed to know this.

Clearly, I am not afraid of the dark.

There are billions of conversations happening every second, and it’s too bad I can’t listen to more than about half of them at one time. Most are just he said she said chatter, and I...

Kyo: Of course, I’ll beat YOU, too!Yuki: Don’t you ever get tired of saying that?Kyo: Beating you is my vocation! It’s my goal in life!Yuki: It’s so unfair that I keep having to take abuse...

Squeeze out the competition—with hugs. I’m giving out FREE hugs while samples last. After that I’ll have to charge an arm and a leg—or maybe just two arms.

I’m a freak with power.

Dinner was good. The conversation was great, but the food was bad, so it averaged out. I wish I were as good in bed as I am in the kitchen.

The voices in my head that tell the other voices what to do are mean.

You gotta want it.

You will love me or I will sentence you to life in prison.

I got a dick and I was single so, yeah, it’s possible.