Probably the reason the NY Yankees want to move their farm team to Ocala is to recruit me. I am the Babe Ruth of farming.

All those adorable towheaded kids in the promotional film are going to turn thirteen. Once a family member hits puberty, odds are that everybody is not going to have the same ideals. Unless everybody gets...

I like to go somewhere where I learn something I didn’t know before, like the Dry Tortugas between Florida and Cuba.

Submitted for your approval–the curious case of Colleen O’Brien and thegorgeous time traveling Scot who landed in her living room.” – Rod Serling

Kissimmee has the best name, other than Hugsburg and Fornicatesville.

I once believed soft, warm, beautiful things could never flourish in an environment of hard concrete and cold, dark bricks.

A few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chrissake. Yes, it’s funny: “Yo, empty your pockets,” and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But it’s also depressing. If someone who...

What you are is a freaking estrogen magnet.

My love for you is like a Florida sunset. Orange, coral, pink, and lavender, it exists to warm your heart through the inevitable darkness.

The fireworks went on for nearly half an hour, great pulsing strobes, fiery dandelions and starbursts of light brightening both sky and water. It was hard to tell which was reality and which was reflection,...

It’s a shiny tin can of a day, bright but gray. Welcome to one of Florida’s two overcast days per year. A Florida winter can last a brutally long 48 hours, and in that time...

Happy now? That fiery enough for you?

Love can make people do crazy things. I once saw a man streak down Blanding Blvd. with only a banana peel stapled over his manhood. I’m not sure he was in love, but he was...

There was no Disney World then, just rows of orange trees. Millions of them. Stretching for miles And somewhere near the middle was the Citrus Tower, which the tourists climbed to see even more orange...

The Sunshine State.

But I wasn’t creeping.

In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.

An ax came through the door. Then two firefighters. They looked down at and assistant mall manager crying and wearing a melted toupee, sitting cross-legged next to a mall cop with a bleeding ankle and...

It’s always sunny in the Sunshine State. Except for at night.

…twenty.” – Faolán MacIntyre

There’s a hurricane coming to Florida, and there will be high winds. I should probably turn off my ceiling fans, to try to mitigate the billions of dollars in damages the storm will incur.

But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink...

Oh great, the retirement capital of the world. I’ll be dead within a decade.

FICTION is a series of unintended coincidence,confabulation,and quasi-lucid lying made plausible enough for an author and a reader to cohabitate for a secret, brief and sinful affair. Nothing is real.Except imagination~with a pinch of perception,...

Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.

They say you fear what you don’t understand. Maybe that’s why every time I’m in South Florida, and I hear someone talking in Spanish, I always shit my pants.

Here’s what’s not beautiful about it: from here, you can’t see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what they place really is. You see how fake it all is....

Things are more like they are now…than they have EVER been before!

It seemed to Rosa Lublin that the whole peninsula of Florida was weighted down with regret. Everyone had left behind a real life. Here they had nothing. They were all scarecrows, blown about under the...

They did is sent me down Clearwater, Florida, and they said to me, Jessica, I need you to make Jim Bakker feel better.

Funny how I keep forgetting you’re insane.” – Colleen O’Brien

It’s December in Florida, and there are still a few leaves clinging on the branches for dear summer.

The miracle of the light pours over the green and brown expanse of saw grass and of water, shining and slow-moving below, the grass and water that is the meaning and the central fact of...

and…and…a gun. A big one.” – Colleen O’Brien

Look at the size of his Naples!

Voters have soaked up a noggin full of negativity over the last twenty years, with an economy we had to bring back from collapse, plus terrorist attacks and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don’t...

Food shouldn’t be that shade of green, lass.” – Faolán MacIntyre