From across the bar, I saw her see me seeing her see me, and I knew that she knew, and with all this knowledge and vision I figured it must be love. But I could...

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small rude incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff...

Love isn’t all flowers, candles, and dancing midgets. No, it is much, much taller than all that.

Pop, please, it’s hideous,” Trick said.

It’s hard to type with gloves on. It’s also hard to type with just an erection. It’s basically like typing with one finger, and in my case, a pinky.

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many—a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made...

Jake’s POV: Meanwhile, Ally was here with Marshall Moss, who she was obviously going to hook up with later. They’d barely stopped touching each other all night. Even now, they were out in the middle...

His loyalty has the consistency of a booger—sticky for a while, but easily flicked off. I’d probably love Prague in the spring.

Thanks to Dashiell Hammett. “He was thin, walked with a stick, and was the only private dick I knew who used the pockets of his sport coat. Maybe that means something, maybe not.” Ramone Ramone,...

If you’re thinking about killing someone, don’t. Not don’t kill them, but don’t think about it—just do it already.

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.

There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard.

Enjoy yourselves. And Hap: Don’t let Umber near the arrows and bows; he’s liable to shoot himself in the nose.” Dodd grinned and snapped the reins, and the carriage rolled away. Umber sniffed. “One of...

Seriously, what would you prefer? To stand out from everyone else, or disappear in the crowd? Because I call the latter ‘sheep.

[Myrnin to Claire about their costumes of Pierrot and Harlequin, respectively]”Don’t they teach you anything in your schools?””Not about this.””Pity. I suppose that’s what comes of your main education flowing from Google.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

Steal not this book for fear of shameFor on it is the owners nameAnd when you die the Lord will sayWhere is the book you stole awayAnd when you say you do not knowThe Lord...

I’m not playing Buffy the goddamn Vampire Slayer with you.

#Twitter: proudly promoting ghastly grammar and silly misspelling since 2006.

I loved you way before you ever had a chance to put a spell on me. I loved you at ‘I’ve never been to Long Island,'” Zach said.I couldn’t keep a big goofy grin from...

Words are your friends. And lovers. They feel good in your mouth.

Kind of is, actually.

If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.

If we adopted Jack,” I quip, “we’d have to give him combat pay for an allowance

I never scoff at coffins, because they’re like coffee cups you can bathe in. Well, coffins are like Starbucks’ coffee cups, only they have more life inside.

Fuck I love it when you talk dirty.

Men. They don’t ask for directions, but they’ll ask a demon for a favor.-Nina

Today I’m feeling uncharacteristically chiaroscuro, and I don’t know what that means for my future, or as a word.

A las personas mayores de 40 años no deberían permitirles tener novias o novios. Deberían tener amigos, nada mas.

Gordon Edgley’s sudden death came as a shock to everyone – not least himself. One moment he was in his study, seven words into the twenty-fifth sentence of the final chapter of his new book,...

I think you polished that one off after last week’s date.” His voice is low right next to my ear, very nearly causing a shiver.

My writing looks like it’s ten steps behind my mind, and racing to always catch up.

It’s fun telling you tall Texas tales. You always look like a little girl who’s hearing Cinderella for the first time.

I made the sympathetic face, and the interested face, and even the impressed face. I did not say, ‘In the name of all that is holy, cease this incessant drivel, you pretentious ass.

my good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasion for teasing and quarreling with you as often...

Women divided by ego and united by gossip ,Men divided by women and united by beer

My advice for a person who’s just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms…faster.

You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to pounce on it, and you remember how they changed as they grew older...

Before I’ll take my clone on as a pupil in the craft of writing, he must prove his worthiness. He must write 100 thoughts down, of which 10 might be interesting. If he’s done that,...

From: Christian GreySubject: &*%$&*&*Date: August 23 2011 11:23To: Anastasia GreyBelieve me when I say there are a great many things he’d like to do to your ass right now. Firing you is not one of...

Blake took a small roll from the tray on the table, then put it back in favor of a larger one. And maybe a little butter. It certainly couldn’t hurt. And jam…no, he drew the...

Last week my boss told me to rewrite a twenty-page proposal on engagement benchmarking. I turned it in and he wrote a note on the cover that just said, “No, no. Not this.” I had...

I’ll be sure not to let anyone but you carry me in her arms.” He turns and leaves the kitchen before I can figure out what to make of his comment. A sense of humor...

I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears.

Finally! You’re here!”Uh….Do I know you?”Well, no….But you’re here, all the same…

In a blind taste test, nine out of ten Helen Kellers preferred Blue Ribbon Coffee to Starbucks. The tenth Helen Keller, well, she claimed she didn’t hear the question.

Her sculptured face was as perfect as a painting.

I rolled my eyes, finishing off the burger. Rummaging around in the bag, I pulled out an extra-large order of fries. With all the exercise I was getting, my escape would involve me rolling out...

The wolf said, “You know, my dear, it isn’t safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone.” Red Riding Hood said, “I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I...