The main bridge of the original Starship Enterprise had pictures of galaxies above each workstation. Probably in case the ship got lost.

A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert themselves up my anus, and both failed to penetrate me (though Kansas got...

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

Marcus and Ellie exchanged a worried look and examined the bag again. Sure enough, the gold was gone.

Owen,” Henry said excitedly, “I think Coach wants you to hit for Meccini.”Owen closed The Voyage of the Beagle, on which he had recently embarked. “Really?””Runners on first and second,” Rick said. “I bet he...

I had a dream about you. The ice melted so quickly in our relationship that I didn’t even have a chance to tell you I loved you. So I just sat there, alone, slurping up...

Could I have the whole kit, but none of the caboodle?

I’ve got you covered. Just don’t hog all the blanket.

I got excited when I saw a midget, and then disappointed when I realized it was just a child. Those things are so common.

You can find humor in everything. everything.

Sometimes, there is no harm in putting off a piece of work until another day.

If there is no picture, there is no proof.

Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She...

Oh, shut up Hagan. I’m not doing it for you; I’m doing it for me. I don’t want your blood getting all over my outfit.

For the time being I’ll be a being in time. And when I die, I’ll happily be compost for a greener world.

It hardly matters, sweet; once they’ve come off, the attention isn’t likely to center on my absurdly handsome knees.

Never confuse lust for anything other than what it is. There isn’t a man alive that wouldn’t gladly take what you are so willing to offer.””Any but you, apparently.” -Eric to Camile, Pawn of Innocence

I had a dream about you. You had a wheelchair and I had a wheelbarrow, and together we made love the way the Panama Canal should have been made. We dredged up a lot of...

A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.

A brick could be dropped in a toilet to replicate the sound of shitting bricks. But we wouldn’t have to go through all that trouble if you’d just eat the bricks I put on your...

I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already dead.

Victor patted my hand. ‘I like you, Sky. You’re a fighter.”I am, aren’t I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I’m a Rottweiler -with a temper.”A very small Rottweiler,’ said Zed, still not convinced.

My main regret in life is that there is no MacArthur Fellowship awarded in the field of Panda Satire.

I had a dream about you. We sold love like a couple of roadside lemonade-stand vendors. Your love was organic, and mine was made with yellow tennis balls.

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any...

The peace corps looks like peace corpse, and death isn’t a very peaceful thought to me.

Mom has the Touch. She knows what flowers go with what occasions, what hors d’oeuvres work with what people. She believes passionately in the power of food to heal, restore, and stimulate relationships, and she...

[L]ife is a phenomenon in need of criticism, for we are, as fallen creatures, in permanent danger of worshipping false gods, of failing to understand ourselves and misinterpreting the behaviour of others, of growing unproductively...

I finally figured out why Voldemort’s face is so flat. He ran into the wrong wall at the train station.

And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.

A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the same way that the very fabric of our democracy is torn.

She said if you don’t dance and you wear no pants I will marry you. I said, I do.

Think that street lingo was the street lingo about eight decades ago, Hanna. So now it’s just lingo.

so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!!

My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book I want.

I’m not the one going for a biology degree. I’m just a philosophy major who eats people.

To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for theexistence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Probably farmore. At least in the case of UFOs there have...

I tried to knock my wife up, but she’d only let me ring the doorbell. And she made me dress up like the pizza delivery boy while I rang.

I look at the check once more and then fold and tuck it into my bra. It’s not every day a girl gets to be up close and personal with this much money.

Some have brains, and some haven’t, … and there it is.

I had a dream about you. You had four legs like a cat has four legs like a chair has four legs, and I was looking for a place to sit. Then you meowed at...

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

I have a shirt that’s skin tight. It’s made from human flesh.

Dream as if you’ll die tonight, and live as if you’ll sleep tomorrow. Let us make love sometime between the two.

If you don’t realize a deja vu, you have to realize you’re creating a deja vu

Manusia mungkin bisa bertahan hidup tanpa makanan, tapi tidak ada manusia yang bisa bertahan hidup tanpa harapan.

It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.

We think a wise person is someone who solves problems. Truth is, a wise person is someone who avoids problems.

Fuck rational thought