His hair isn’t turning gray—it’s turning silver, and it’s going up in value. Aging is the best hedge against an inflationary fiat currency.

For just over my price range, I can get something way under my quality expectation level. Thanks, inflation!

There’s nothing more important than literary merit, and that’s why I not only created an award—the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award—but I nominated myself as the first recipient. You can’t always wait for...

There’s fool’s gold—pyrite—and then there’s fool’s gold—gold owned by idiots willing to trade it for worthless dollars.

I had a dream about you. We were shoveling dollar bills and used diapers and laughing like children. I was dancing like I had a fog machine in my pants, and I did, which is...

I want to be a standup economist, because isn’t money funny? Actually, without gold backing our currency, it’s all funny money.

The dollar isn’t worth its weight in gold, and the pound isn’t worth its weight in ounces.

It’s not hush money. It’s simply dollars backed not by faith, but by shhh.

As for your salary, how much you make is really up to you.” I love a business model where the employee pays the employer.

Sure, let me just go to the nearest ATM.” I wonder if she knows it’s all fake and inflated.