The birds fly south for the winter not because it’s cold, but because they have wings. Similarly, love has the ultimate flight pattern, and that pattern is plaid.

Hide things everywhere. Forget about them. Find them randomly and feel surprised like a pirate finding buried treasure. Avoid scurvy. Love more.

The more important the briefing, the fewer the people in the room, toward a limit of -∞

When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?

Good, because if the guy isn’t making you walk funny after sex, then probably isn’t anything to write home to mom about.

There is something about you that makes me feel terribly wicked. You make me want to do shocking things. Maybe it’s because you’re so proper. Your necktie is never crooked, and your shoes are always...

The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someone’s hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in...

He’s dead. I don’t celebrate who he was, but who he isn’t. He isn’t alive, and that is a great reason to party.

I’m running from the very person I’m chasing, and this is how I know I’m in love.

Sometimes I think I’m an alien that accidentally fell off the mother ship, destined to wander among clueless earthling parents for all eternity.

I am an artist you know … it is my right to be odd.

The men who made the joke saw something deep which they could not express except by something silly and emphatic.

there is a string of Rutledge’s past mistresses who would undoubtedly testify there is nothing wrong with his carrot.”Alors, he is a virile man . . . she is a beautiful woman . . ....

Me parece que no lo entiendes. Las vidas de las personas pasan por delante de sus ojos antes de que mueran, y el proceso se llama ‘vivir’. ,Te apetece un camarón?

Listen, last time I talked to you three, you were all two oars short of having any oars, so I don’t want to hear it.

will be at noon.” I’d better write and mail all my love letters in my mannequin handwriting.

I think she is going to find you too old… Yes that was it, the moment she said it I knew it was true, and the revelation caused me no surprise, it was like the...

Feelings are like chemicals, the more you analyze them the worse they smell.

If a writer writes poems and short stories and novels, but nobody ever reads them, is she really a writer?

Fine, I’ll teach you,”Besides, there’s only so many times a girl wants to fall on her butt in front of the boy she’s out to impress.

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

A blanket could be used to find the Brick of Truth. Many lies will be layered on the Brick of Truth to try to cover it up, but the blanket will cover up all the...

Old habits die hard. Especially if those old habits involve murder and death.

It’s tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!

He was a gentle and sensitive soul, and therefore had a short temper, which is why he went straight after everything with an ax…

Mealtime”A mousie squealing in a trapWoke me from my morning nap.Wasn’t he so very sweetTo tell me it was time to eat?”(From A CAT’S GARDEN OF VERSES)

Shigure: “Lemme guess; you lost your temper and yelled at her again, right? You know, you shouldn’t do that if you’re just going to regret it. Not too bright, now is it?”Kyo: “Save your breath....

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn’t judge others? Master of Stupidity: Don’t! Unless you are paid for it.

This ‘web of discourses’ as Robyn called it…is as much a biological product as any of the other constructions to be found in the animal world. (Clothes too, are part of the extended phenotype of...

There was fried chicken in the litter box, so I helped myself and took a shit. I am a cat lover and a fan of KFC. I always take mine to go.

I don’t have your way with words “Sin said. “So I’m just going to go with a quick response. Ha

He was a writer and words were his weapons.

I made 100 dollars, or a Ben Franklin, today. And out of that I probably spent his face, or about five bucks, but I squandered it dishonorably. I should have saved face and saved face,...

I want to be the guy in a movie who’s, I don’t know, out walking his rabbit on a leash (I don’t have a rabbit) and knows exactly how to strike up a quirky, compelling...

The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It would not perhaps be too fanciful to say that a new idea is...

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?

Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them.

Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)” I thinks she’s going to break my heart” On arrival of the girl” The flannel is fine honey,but I have’nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!

The more coffee you drink, the less sleep you need. I just had a great business idea. I could rent out your bed, and with the money you’d make off it, you could buy enough...

If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.

Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count.

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.

It’s adult swim time and I’m diving in here at the shallow end.

She lived on the moon and was quite unattainable. I suppose he must’ve starved or pined away or fallen off the wall at some point.

Is thyselves even a word?

She ran into the bathroom and powdered her face and the front of her dress, drew a surrealistic version of a mouth beneath her nose, and dashed into her bedroom to find a coat.

If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you rather eat it? As for me, pass me my Speedo, and a spoon.

Sometimes I wish I had been born with cat fur, whiskers, and a tail, though I guess I am grateful that at least I was born with my very own litter box.

He laced his hands behind his neck and propped his boots on the opposite arm of the sofa. If an artist were to capture this image, it would have been labeled,Smugness: A Portrait. She wanted...