I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?

A brick could be used to make it harder for people to achieve their dreams. A brick is just another obstacle they have to overcome if they are going to achieve their goals.

Who in their right mind counts the tiles on the floor when they go visiting a neighbor?

Write your goals down on a sheet of paper. That way you can easily flip the page over and ignore them.

Angie: “How do I pitch these ideas to her?”Mira: “From a distance, preferably wearing body armor.

Love, it’ll make you feel better before it’ll make you feel worse. So it’s like inverse medicine.

A blanket could be used to water down the water. Don’t do it now! Wait until I am finished bathing.

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

A triangle has three points, just like the number of horns my ex had (she was 50% more evil than Satan).

reading”.

We refused to eat him.

Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was before my time too, because I didn’t have a watch, and I hadn’t been born yet.

I’m a fool.At least i’m a self aware fool.

They pronounced my name wrong. There is a difference between Ruse and Rusé. I’m not a trick, I’m a crafty one. I perform the tricks.

I never saw quite so wretched an example of what a sea-faring life can do: but to a degree, I know it is the same with them all; they are all knocked about, and exposed...

Humor (is) the process that allows one to brush reality aside when it gets too distressing.

Ik zou het ook niet fijn vinden om te horen dat mijn cupidoboog scheef is. Het is toch een beetje alsof je bovenlip scoliose heeft.

I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).

A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never calls me.

You aren’t really old until nothing is fun enough to make you forget the weather.

I’m taller in tolerance than I am in height. Barely. I’m only 6’3, so I apologize for not being more understanding.

I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the...

…And so we go and I meet his parents. And it’s a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend’s boyfriend’s parents for the first time. Part of you is angry for obvious reasons and part of...

I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none of the politicians. You can burn my house, but don’t you dare burn my coffee.

Neighbours complaining about someone’s dog making an awful racket. You could hardly blame the poor beast, its owner had died in her bed at least a fortnight before and there hadn’t been much left of...

All the world’s a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

Love has a sound, if you know what to listen for. It sounds like silence, surrounded by blindness. It’s the Helen Keller of emotions, at least for me.

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?

And if I ever see you or your fake ass Chanel earrings around here again, I will shove my very real, very pointy Jimmy Choos up your prissy little ass. Do I make myself clear?

Orafoura said to give love to the dragonflies. But only after you kill the dragons. And the flies.

A blanket could be used to cause global warming. If you don’t want to future generations to die, I’d recommend shivering in your bare bed.

Any idiot can put up a website.

Even though I wore an eye patch, the Cyclops and I, we didn’t see eye to eye. We argued about the nature of love, and I hated it, so in the name of love I...

I had officially joined the cacophony of sick mother fuckers.

Is this the reality you wanted?

This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.

A brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a blanket could also teach men how to dance, by providing motivation to get good so they can get some...

Yes,” which probably wasn’t the same thing at all.

I had a dream about you. We were checking in to a haunted hotel, and you said you forgot your toothbrush. I told you my left pants pocket was empty if you wanted to clean...

With hand gestures, you can fill in a lot of gaps, and the words thing and stuff and -ness also help: patientness instead of patience, fastness instead of speed, honestness instead of honesty. With these...

My MOTIVATION was struggling..I got Tired of it!

I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business, and I sold icy roads for a living. You didn’t understand who’d buy such a thing, and I said you didn’t understand how...

Drunken men give some of the best pep talks.

Yes,’ he said sincerely. ‘Such a one deserves peanut butter on the seat of his pants.

The Democratic Party supports criminals and Islamic terrorists but has no sympathy for taxpayers.

Make a concise statement clearly and you should only need to say it once.

Politics is the art of doing nothing and ruining everything.

You know, in some cultures, when you save someone’s life, you’re then responsible for it.”Allison thought about telling him she’d seen the same movie and was pretty sure the claim was bogus. Instead, she offered...

If I want to dress up like Princess Leia and lightsaber fight the clone army in my living room, well the Han Solo in my life is just going to have to accept it.

If she can’t spell, why is she a librarian? Librarians should know how to spell.