The Bloodsucker Queen has lived for what, a millennium? She can wait on her decaying ass a little while longer.

I’m not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number. That number is four.

I want to hold onto this funny thing. God, it’s gotten big on me. I don’t know what it is. I’m so damned unhappy, I’m so mad, and I don’t know why. I feel like...

I’ve got yours.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Menus are sexist. I prefer the term womenu.

Gintoki: Listen up! Let’s say you drink too much strawberry milk, and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, but it’s cold outside your bed. You don’t want to get up,...

I don’t give a hoot about owls. I only care about love, and other winged objects that aren’t wise.

And I may not omit here a special work of God’s providence. There was a proud and very profane young man [aboard the Mayflower], one of the seamen, of a lusty, able body, which made...

Like a lot of stupid people, it took a great deal to get an idea into the king’s head, but once there, there was no shifting it.

My imagination plus Vibrizzio is not only equal to but also greater than a real man. Why should I settle for second best?

Nobody peels a banana before stabbing themselves with it. But that’s exactly how I love—dangerously.

I can’t believe you just did that! Are you crazy?”I gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Why do people keep asking me that?”He turned to stare at me, his eyes worried. “Who else keeps asking you...

Allegedly, allegedly I say, the R.G.A. were extremely miffed of portrait painted of their monarch, King Tingaling XX, by Master. Portrait apparently, as it’s yet t’be unveiled, depicts King Tingaling XX in rather compromisin’ position...

There is no known cure for severe affection for one’s cat. The only way to relieve the symptoms is to go ahead and launch a kiss attack.

Oenone had found the chapel by accident, and was not certain what kept drawing her back to it. She was not a Christian. Few people were anymore, except in Africa, and on certain islands of...

Charming villains have always had a decided social advantage over well-meaning people who chew with their mouths open.

Fenworth nodded. “Yes, yes. Urgent, deadly, insidious. The world is in peril and we must rise against evil.” The old wizard released the general and patted him on the shoulder. “Tea and cake first, don’t...

There’s nothing more contagious than the laughter of young children; it doesn’t even have to matter what they’re laughing about.

I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politicians.

POZZO:I am blind.(Silence.)ESTRAGON:Perhaps he can see into the future.

I like you. It’s pretty nice you’re not dead.

Luce blushed. “Then what kind of angel are you?””I’m sort of in between gigs right now,” Daniel said.

It may be escapist, but if I have a choice between watching the news or reading a book which gets me to see the world through different eyes, I will always choose the latter!

A brick could be used to stop the tears. The inside of my jeans’ pockets look suspiciously like handkerchiefs. Here, let me take off my pants so you can blow your nose.

In politics, I don’t know which came first, the rubber chicken policies, or the eggheadedness.

A book can tell me anything it wants to, but I sure as shit don’t have to believe it.

If you don’t beleve in yourself, who will?’ ~Maybeck

There’s a difference between preferring books to parties and preferring sixteen cats to seeing the light of day.

Most Wanted.” It’s good to be desired. I’d be honored to be shot at for a large reward, or a small cup of coffee.

Creo que no me equivoco al pensar, querido mío, que naciste justo a mitad del invierno, ,no es así?-No-contestó Harry-.Nací en julio.

I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the politicians talk, all I hear is them breaking wind through their mouths.

I had a dream about you while having a dream about you. We were watching the movie Inception and drinking déjà vu.

What I have been asking myself for years is: WHY?!Why kill yourself in the gym? Why try to avoid a little bit of a gut? Why feel bad for eating half of a cake? This...

I used to think that looking across a pillow into the fabulous face of Buster Keaton would be a more thrilling destiny than any screen career.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Once the bar gets set too high, simply lower it so you can keep on hitting your goals. You could get a lot more chin-ups done this way.

A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything.

Too much much is a dangerous thing. But not as dangerous as danger itself.

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

That’s quite the specific search…’Sadistic Old-Bag-Murdering Witches’—I can’t even begin to imagine what that involves.

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.

it was like staring at a whitewashed wall, but without all the emotion

Second place is twice as good as first place, when you’re competing to put another person first. Losers make the best lovers.

A brick is slow, when it’s lying on the floor. But fast when just thrown.

I was born in 1982. That’s like 1984, except not so dystopian.

Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.

I’ve never been in love, but if a penguin can find a soul mate, I’m sure I can, too.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to great speeches, but then I turn on the TV and I’m in wonder at how good my candidate looks.

If somebody says ‘I love you’ to me, I feel as though I had a pistol pointed at my head. What can anybody reply under such conditions but that which the pistol holder requires? ‘I...