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Scott Adams  Quotes
There’s nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.

—Scott Adams

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DangerousIdiot
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Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.

—Scott Adams

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You don’t have to be a ‘person of influence’ to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.

—Scott Adams

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FactInfluence
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I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, ‘You know, I’m the only person in this restaurant who can’t draw.’

—Scott Adams

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DrawRestaurantSit
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If you want to understand UFOs, reincarnation and God, do not study UFOs, reincarnation and God. Study people.

—Scott Adams

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GodPeople
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

—Scott Adams

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Successful
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I love magazines. It’s such McNugget kind of information.

—Scott Adams

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Magazines
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Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn...

—Scott Adams

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Learn
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If a job’s worth doing, it’s too hard.

—Scott Adams

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Worth
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I love you like a fat kid loves cake!

—Scott Adams

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FoodHumorLove
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There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

—Scott Adams

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CannotFewHigh
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‘Dilbert’ became popular during the downsizing of the ’90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.

—Scott Adams

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BecamePopularSecurity
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Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

—Scott Adams

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Creativity
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One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

—Scott Adams

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BrainDeadPretend
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My old life – no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.

—Scott Adams

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AmountGetting
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You don’t argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don’t argue when a women...

—Scott Adams

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EnergyGuy
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I’ve always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought...

—Scott Adams

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LessTrue
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. — Dogbert’s Motto

—Scott Adams

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HumorPhilosophy
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I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

—Scott Adams

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DeclineInvitationJoin
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I had several different bosses during the early years of ‘Dilbert.’ They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

—Scott Adams

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EarlyPrettySure
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Theory of Evolution (Summary)First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.

—Scott Adams

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BusinessEvolutionHumour
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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

—Scott Adams

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SystemUniverseWays
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For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

—Scott Adams

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CareerHolidaysIncluding
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Normal people… believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

—Scott Adams

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BrokeEngineersNormal
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I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.

—Scott Adams

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CreativityEasilyStuff
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You’re thinking I’m one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I’m not. I say its a free country...

—Scott Adams

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FoodHumorVegetarian
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Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

—Scott Adams

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Behind
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I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.

—Scott Adams

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HatedSeemed
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Lately…the Peter Principle has given way to the “Dilbert Principle.” The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least...

—Scott Adams

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BusinessHumourPeter-Principle
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Let’s form proactive synergy restructuring teams.

—Scott Adams

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ProactiveSynergyTeams
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I try to avoid giving advice.

—Scott Adams

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AdviceAvoidGiving
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have...

—Scott Adams

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I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer’s cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky...

—Scott Adams

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WordWordsWriter
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Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.

—Scott Adams

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AdviceFishFood
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The only risk of failure is promotion.

—Scott Adams

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PromotionRisk
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I’m surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

—Scott Adams

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InternetRealities
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Idiocy in the modern age isn’t an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It’s a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.

—Scott Adams

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BusinessHumourReassurance
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I get mail; therefore I am.

—Scott Adams

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MailTherefore
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I’m primarily just an investor.

—Scott Adams

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InvestorPrimarily
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Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

—Scott Adams

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DifferenceSmart
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don’t let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it’s not like I’m just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never...

—Scott Adams

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CloseMeetSituation
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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

—Scott Adams

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Humor
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There’s kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don’t pet her for 10 minutes she’ll bother you for six hours.

—Scott Adams

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HerPay
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The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.

—Scott Adams

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Half
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I’d be a 400 pound guy.

—Scott Adams

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ExerciseFood
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I think ‘Dilbert’ will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. ‘Dilbert’ is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it...

—Scott Adams

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HappenedVoice
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Losers have goals. Winners have systems.

—Scott Adams

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GoalInspirationalLoser
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I’m not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I’m terribly uncomfortable.

—Scott Adams

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HappyTimes
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When you hire that first person, then you’re a boss. You’ve got performance reviews. You’ve got complaints about not making enough money. You’ve got people who are just going to sell your story to the...

—Scott Adams

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BossStory
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Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

—Scott Adams

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FoodHumorLife
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