Psychologists call these fully absorbing experiences flowstates, which were discovered and named by a world-famous psychologistwith the most unpronounceable surname I have ever encountered –Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.

People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.

I’ve decided that I’m going to collect as many spiders in a jar as I can and then pour them all over you, William Flecter. Seeing as how it’s good to face your fears.

Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking towards Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty To Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping but secretly No Alcohol Lager,...

Love is like 17 cents minus 33,333.50 dollars. No wait, that’s not love—that’s how much debt I owe for a worthless college degree.

The Colonel led all the cheers.Cornbread!” he screamed.CHICKEN!” the crowd responded.Rice!”PEAS!”And then, all together: “WE GOT HIGHER SATs.”Hip Hip Hip Hooray!” the Colonel cried.YOU’LL BE WORKIN’ FOR US SOMEDAY!

A brick is slow, when it’s lying on the floor. But fast when just thrown.

Stop talking to me!” An I love you disguised as “Stairway to Heaven” isn’t more romantic. Not unless you’re Helen Keller and I’m a slinky.

Sometimes I wonder what happened to great speeches, but then I turn on the TV and I’m in wonder at how good my candidate looks.

In fact the Gods were as puzzled by all this as the wizards were, but they were powerless to do anything and in any case were engaged in an eons-old battle with the Ice Giants,...

I’ve never, ever, ever — in my entire life — fought over a man. I’ve fought women who’ve hit me because of a man, but then I was fighting to bust her ass, not defend...

Communism: If nobody owned anything, and everybody owned everything, there’d be no reason to work for something, because not only could you not have it—but you’d already have it.

I can’t forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen,” I said. “I’m a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become...

A brick could be used as a penis enlargement aid. Just tie a string around both your penis and a brick, and drop the brick off the roof of a building. I’m not stretching the...

I am told that removing the head from the body is often mortal.

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was...

Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I’d know me anywhere.

Not that I haven’t leaped up into the blinding light of competence now and then. It’s sustaining the altitude that defeats me.

For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely. He should give me the tender hands of a lover—and not those of a self-lover.

I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.

A flag could be used as a blanket, but a blanket couldn’t be used as a flag. A blanket provides real warmth, not the pseudo warmth that patriotism provides. A blanket-flag would leave you shivering—not...

I would not employ an author to referee a Ping-Pong match. By their very nature they are biased and bloody-minded. Better put a fox in a henhouse than to ask an author to judge his...

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Cards and boards, [Johnny] thought. And the dead. That’s not dark forces. Making a fuss about cards and heavy metal and going on about Dungeons and Dragons stuff because it’s got demon gods in it...

It isn’t dopa…whatever! It’s love! Love!

The chimes were clinging in the wind. Or were they clanging, and clinging to hope?

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises….

Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading,” said Ron, but very quietly.

They say curiosity killed the cat but I am unconcerned. I am smarter, though slightly less evil, than any cat.

I’ve been sendin’ you twits for the last hour.

It’s not lying when you do it to officers!

Beautiful face. Beautiful body. Horrible attitude. It was the holy trinity of hot boys.

If I had to describe my penis with a movie title, it would be: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Lone women shouldn’t stop in the middle of nowhere for giant unkempt strangers with duct tape on their faces.

Whenever you feel like feeling like a devil’s advocate, Bible-thump. That, in a worldly world, is the great irony and satire of evangelism.

Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by a speeding bicycle?

I really don’t know what to think, Mr Holmes,’ Lestrade muttered. ‘Well, that’s nothing new.

The problem with all politicians is that they are human.

His mouth captured hers, trying to show her with his kiss what he was still learning to express in words. He loved her.He worshipped her. He’d walk across fire for her. He——still had the audience...

what would you call this haircut?”arthur.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit. I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I’d never make it. He leaned in close and...

To let her imagine how great a lover I’d be, I ate soup with chopsticks. She went home with another man, but I’ll bet she fantasized about me.

I was young once and slender and pretty and I made the most of it. It’s somebody else’s turn now.

It hardly ever works if they don’t know you’ve done it.

You scream like a leettle girl.

Whenever I schedule an appointment, my general rule of thumb is, tomorrow is better than yesterday.

The Latin word for sausage was botulus, from which English gets two words. One of them is the lovely botuliform, which means sausage-shaped and is a more useful word than you might think. The other...

Man, you weigh a freaking ton,” he told me. “What’ve you been eating, rocks?” “Why, is your head missing some?” I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that’s when I knew how...

I did a face plant. Ivy was her name.