Holy mother!””Hmph. More like holy father. I’d think you’d know the difference.”-Hephaetus

If I had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and a middle name to wear as a safety harness, I think I’d be much better equipped to...

I’m unreliable, admittedly, so you can’t believe me when I say I’m unreliable. I’m also in love, so that may contribute to my unreliability.

Wrong religion,” he said.

You’ve got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costume.

Peter, you’re twelve years old. I’m ten. They have a word for people our age. They call us children and they treat us like mice.

Everything is perfect. Everything is fine. The rules of life are made up. The rules only exist in your mind.Of course there may be courtesies And closures and laws to abide,But the zeal with which...

I always wanted a sister who could beat me up.

Amputate your leg, and attach it to the underside of your wobbly, three-legged chair. Fixing your chair is easy. Ask me how to repair your broken erection.

Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one’s luck.

We seemed to be trapped in an episode of One Life To Waste. It’s all very dull.

There are many good inventions on earth, some useful, some pleasing: for their sake, the earth is to be loved. And there is such a variety of well-invented things that the earth is like the...

I sometimes think if I did not write I would be a madwoman. Now I am a sane woman with a lot of mad pages.

That year the Ribeiro’s daffodils seeded early and they seeded cockroaches. Now, ecologically speaking, even a cockroach has its place — but these suckers bit. That didn’t sound Earth-authentic to me. Not that I care,...

Piper went a little crazy. She cried out with relief and dove straight into the water.What was she thinking? She didn’t take a rope or a life vest or anything. But at the moment, she...

My parents are going to kill me!””That seems rather harsh…

The growth of my business was amazing. Unfortunately, it grew like a tumor and not like a tree. I really needed to branch out and start networking more. Unless you are a pile of cat...

Listen, I’m going to go lock myself in the coat closet, okay? Don’t disturb me if you can help it?” She frowned at me.”Telepathy stuff,” I said. “It may not work, but I’ve got to...

Welcome to Dinnerville, where it’s always breakfast. When love is in the air, you can tell it’s about to rain.

Tea no more! Down with bustles!

The sh*t’s gonna splatter, start buggin, yo…”Mencheres to Cat

Poseidon’s underpants! You can’t be serious.

Mannequin Love.

I walk slowly when I’m being introspective and nostalgic. Some might call it moping. But I don’t. I call it love.

Do people ever climb the demon towers? Like, for any reason?” Aline looked up. “Climb the demon towers?” She laughed. “No, no one ever does that. It’s totally illegal, for one thing, and besides, why...

I value your friendship. I value it at one billion dollars. We should sell it.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Ack!” I said.Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that’s me.

If you wanted to kill me, why haven’t you smothered me in my sleep?” “No sport in that.” She gestured towards the ceiling. “Can I expect to be strung up on that bar and gutted...

His name is Arnold. But you’re not on a first name basis with him, and that’s not his first name. So that’s Mr. Arnold to you. Once you get to know him, he may let...

I have a mansion of an imagination, and I cordially invite you to come sleep in my shed.

Don’t eat till you’re full, eat till you’re tired.

My name is Mr. Potatohead, and I’m looking for my wife. But I fear I’m too late, and that she’s already part of some combo meal somewhere.

The notion of children makes me ill. The thought of having one… when you see those guys in the supermarket, wheeling the trolley around while their brats whine and wheedle and some blundering sow questions...

I realized then what had happened.She had turned us–all of us, except for Mouse–into great, gaunt, long-legged hounds.Wonderful!” Lea said, pirouetting upon one toe, laughing. “Come, children!” And she leapt off into the jungle, nimble...

We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

Jacksonville was founded by a man named Jack. Jack’s last name wasn’t Sonville, as you’d expect. Oddly, Jack’s last name was Fatherville, but since Jack was himself a bastard, he found the name Jackfatherville to...

He was in love with Eve and ran around like some kind of inter dimensional Dr. Who with a sonic screw loose.

When jumping is the sole option, you jump, and try to make it work.

I had a dream about you. I’d just invented a flying bathtub, and you were dirty and afraid of heights. I thought I could cure both at once, so I tricked you into getting naked...

Immy knocked on his open door. “Mr. Mallett?”The look on his narrow face was pained. “What’s with the Mr. Mallett? When you don’t call me Mike, it’s usually trouble.

No. See, when you throw up you’re vomiting, but when you throw down you’re starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet.””Ohhhh,” he said. “I thought you were speaking literally.””I do beg your pardon....

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

The man who has pajamas knitted to match those of his cat, must be a superior lover.” My grandpa died a virgin.

Smaller plates discourage gluttony. But so does dining with dwarves.

How do you kill something that’s already dead?Nobody knows enough about them. Ask Jason. He’ll have an opinion.Wait a moment. Rachel could see Corinne talking to Jason, but they were too far ahead to hear....

These cities grew in approximately the same places as our cities do now, however different the shape of the continents was. There was even a New York that in some way resembled the New York...

Can’t live with ’em, can’t escape even by killing ’em.

Change is good. Enjoy change.By that I don’t mean change all the time, you’re not a fucking traffic light.

Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.