Price per man has shot up, because so many men were shot up that we need many more men.

God, don’t laugh!” Jamie said, alarmed. “I didna mean to make ye laugh! Christ, Jenny will kill me if ye cough up a lung and die out here!

She was murdered by rebels.’ He took in her unconcealed look of shock. ‘So there you go. Something for you to celebrate.’ Magnus turned away from her, ready to find solace in his chambers, but...

A blanket could be used to stop abuse. Don’t cover up the atrocity—cover up your head, because what you don’t see, may as well not exist.

Love passed me by and I failed to get the plates.

Have you ever heard of the expression, ladies first” “Yes””Well, it’s truer in bed than it is anywhere else.

I am not.” Jaccob took his hand out of his coat pocket, where he’d been reaching to check his police scanner or music player (he hadn’t decided which to use first).

In cyber espionage, the cloak and the dagger are one and the same.

Jasmine believes in a prophecy that says she is destined to love a man named Josh Toby. Okay, fine. He could believe that. Hell, he had friends who believed carbohydrates were the work of the...

In fact we put so many things in our mouths we constantly have to be reminded what not to eat. Look at that little package of silicon gel that’s inside your sneakers. It says DO...

With a philosophy education, one can infuriate his peers, intimidate his date, think of obscure, unreliable ways to make money, and never regret a thing.

Any man who would allow himself to be bewitched by a woman needs a good dunking in a cold barrel of water.” (Quinhelm, the wizard, from BRIGGEN)

It’s hot. I’m sweatin’. I don’t want to go campin’,” his voiced pitched high to mock me.

Can you drop me off at work? Just pull up to the front and pop the trunk and I’ll hop out.

FORTUNECOOKINT of the Week: The paper this fortune is printed on contains more nutrients than the cookie it came in.

A picture with one word on it is like a thousand-and-one-word piece of literature. At this rate, I should be done with my million-word novel in about 999 minutes.

There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label

A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market.

I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to...

Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. “I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Secret 1.93. The professional intelligence officer assumes nothing. The successful professional intelligence officer assumes less than that.

This place reminds me of the time I had amnesia. I think. It also reminds me of being in love. That must mean I’m lost.

Darwin says people like you need to die.” (Carrow)

A project is like love; it has clear intentions at the beginning, but it can get complicated.

An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.

If you say anything, it just gets worse.

I want to open a broken marriage repair shop. I’m not a counselor or psychologist, but I am a fan of the magical bonding that occurs between two people when duct tape binds them together...

The official spokesperson is the most anonymous source of all.

Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!

A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

A blanket could be used to fly interdimensionally. My penis is a wormhole.

Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Percy: You just hit the lord of the titans with a blue plastic hairbrush.

The number I had for her didn’t work. But in this depression, could you blame it?

The photoshopping of female models is sending precisely the right message to young girls: Learn image editing software!

It’s a long ride home with nothing but me for company. I bore myself sometimes. Not often. Just now and again.

A friend comes over with a Ouija board.It spells out: Bourbon. Where’s the band?Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

Men are most virile and attractive between the ages of 35 and 55. Under 35 a man has too much to learn, and I don’t have time to teach him.

SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.

Only cowards cook on “low.

A vagina is a door to a new world,” I thought as I grabbed the handle and gave it a turn.

A problem isn’t a real problem till you decide to make it a problem… so what’s the problem again?

I think you’ll find that in the long run, marathons are more of a sprint. So it is with my love, and no matter how many times you flush, the water level remains constant.

With the world’s fate resting on your shoulder – you’re gonna need someone on your side.You can’t do it by yourself any longer – you’re gonna need someone on your side.

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.

I don’t know anything!’ Tim(Caleb) wailed.He’d never spoken a truer word in his life.

If the self-help books worked, it would be a shrinking industry not a growing one.

Tell me there’s a God, and I’ll believe you. But tell me you’re not in love with me, and I’ll shoot you an incredulous look. Then I’ll shoot you.

One hardly need believe that the events in your life are actually planned as bolts from the blue, sent special delivery from a deity who is testing and training you like a lab rat! And...