How do you explain plastic to a medieval forest bard?

I realize you’re planning on fighting all the dragons single-handedly-“”I’m going to protect you from John, dammit. Show him that he can’t fucking mess with you. This is about territory.”Tom narrowed his eyes. “Are you...

A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you.

Eventually, I manage to cheer Mum up by allowing her to go through my wardrobe and criticize all my clothes…

They worried to an excessive degree about getting gender correct, as if elves gave a shit. Humans could keep their concerns about everyone’s genitalia to themselves.

She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was...

I love three women—Agatha, Christy, and Agatha Christie.

There are certain common privileges of a writer, the benefit whereof Ihope there will be no reason to doubt; particularly, that where I am notunderstood, it shall be concluded that something very useful and profoundis...

Sure thing. The worse thing that could happen is people will think you are carrying my baby. I’m sure it’s perfectly normal for a female teacher to be with her male student at a pharmacy...

Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet one. Still, it’s important for me to get out and meet people, even if that means hanging around department stores...

How To Tweeze Your Way To Wealth, by I. Brows

I wish I was a tree so I could reproduce asexually.

No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought?–Poirot

I saw her from across the room, and I knew I was in love. I also knew why I’d seen no urinals, as I was clearly in the wrong bathroom.

That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. I think I would have more fun chopping thistles with a butter knife.

For me, that emotional payoff is what it’s all about. I want you to laugh or cry when you read a story…or do both at the same time. I want your heart, in other words....

A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do.

To think I should have lived to be goodmorninged by Belladonna Took’s son, as if I was selling buttons at the door!

Well, ‘we’ are certainly happy to hear that. Oh, and I’m also happy to watch our darling little love child dragon while you’re in St. Louis.”I grinned back.

Genevieve hunched her shoulders against the storm of sound and fury and struggled to imagine a worse sort of hell. Widdershins, of course, seemed perfectly happy, but Widdershins was weird.

I shave my face like a car. I speed through car washes, but I brake for love.

naked fun time,” which was apparently what Joseph called it. There were some things people should never know, and that was one of them.

I fear the day technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.

A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and...

Piece of Heaven?” “No, that other place I’m going to go to for thinking what I’m thinking.

Cinderella of course,” Danielle giggled.

I’m selling a rainbow in a bowl (no spoon included). I’m calling it Love Soup, even though it’s nothing more than tap water.

It took me several minutes to persuade myself to watch the news. During which time I gave myself a stern talking to. That turned into me considering a local pub that would be the perfect...

Leo grabbed the neasrest thing he could find- a Porta-Potty seat- and threw it at the face. Leve me alone!

I would have fought the forest fire, but it was a dragon-breathing forest fire, and I forgot my sword, my pen, and my Geoffrey of Monmouth tunic.

I’ve got two jobs to do. One of those jobs is to not cry. It’s not a job, but it is in its isn’tness. I could go for either a cup of coffee, or an...

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.

Happiness is a warm puppy.

Displacement of ‘What goes around, comes around’ is Zero.

Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and...

The coding was anachronistic, kind of like bokeh in a renaissance painting.

It’s sad to see old friends have to move away, but at the same time, you know the retirement home is the best place for them.

I messed around once with a woman named Twice. But it won’t happen a third time.

Some people expect things to fall into their lap. Oh, they might work a bit for it. I’ll just shake this tree, and if I shake it long enough that pretty red apple will plop...

I hate girls that giggle all the time… You hate any girl that David looks at.

I’m not saying I’m not saying. I’m also not saying I’m in love, and I’m not not saying I’m in love.

What are you grinning at?” Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. “Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we’re both on the verge of an...

I been talkin’ with my buddy, and he thinks I’m virgin enough fer the two of us.

Starbucks has odd drink sizes. I say man’s hands were meant to be cupped, so pour the hot coffee right in. But obviously I’ll need help pouring and stirring in cream and sugar, as my...

We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn’t have to go so fast.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I’m cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

When boy likes you, you say no thank you. You don’t kick him on the ground.

Please, touch me, I pray.