Oh, you found someone else? With less money?

I’ll tell you what I can do, but I’ll tell you silently and invisibly, because honestly, there’s nothing I can do. And what I can do is love you.

Solus walked over to the young brown-haired man and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, ignoring the look of panic he received in return. “You can call me Solus.” His golden eyes trailed...

Needy people are like newborns, I have come to realize. One intoxicated night and BAM! You are stuck with this problem. You finally take it home and it wants to keep you up all night...

Boggling”. Making love to me is mind boggling.

Harry Dresden. Saving the world, one act of random destruction at a time.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

My ship came in,then it sank!

My favorite tree is the Joshua tree, which is named after me. Well, it will be, once I change my name to Joshua.

Love is like the human appendix. You take it for granted while it’s there, but when it’s suddenly gone you’re forced to endure horrible pain that can only be alleviated through drugs.

It’s the same with cell phones. I never answer them up to my ear. I always put it on speakerphone and hold it six to eight inches away from my brain. Here’s an example of...

I smell like cat snuggles and sex, though from two different activities. I have just perfected my meatloaf-flavored ice cream, if you want to grab a spork.

Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a harmless remark, and someone else who hears it knows something that makes the remark have a different, and usually unpleasant, meaning. For instance, if you...

You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!

I guess it’s true what they say,” observed Jace. “There are no straight men in the trenches.””That’s atheists, jackass,” said Simon furiously. “There are no atheists in the trenches.

I saw a baby make a boom-boom in his diaper, and I thought, I’d never have suspected him of being a terrorist.

The world is a stage and the play is badly cast.

Two guys, a man and a beast, were walking underwater, when two goats began fishing for political votes. That’s when I fell in love, when I saw how serious it all was.

We made love like two tree branches in winter. We were naked and motionless.

He aimed at the lawyer’s heart but missed it. It was a mistrial.

You’re the only kick-ass general I know who needs three gay boys to dress him, John.””But I only need one gay boy to undress me.

Take off your shirt.”Jace raised his eyebrows. “I’m not going to attack you,” she said impatiently. “I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning.””Are you sure?” he asked, obediently sliding the shirt...

Wow, that long?

Some days being a writer consists of telling yourself you aren’t insane, your characters are.

Like take you home and fuck you up, down, and sideways,” heanswered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Why can’t car washes be giant waterslides for cars? Speaking of fun, why can’t sex be fun, rather than something you begrudgingly pay for, like taxes.

Ouch! I feel bitch slapped– Matt Carter

There are billions of men in the world, probably millions near my age. Maybe hundreds who are compatible with me. Maybe at least a dozen who would want to date me. There’s got to be...

Just because I like to suck cock doesn’t make me any less American than Jesse Helms.

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!

Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.

I know writers who use subtext, and they’re all cowards.

With women, there is no sexual mystery—a vagina is a vagina. But with men, a woman’s got to wonder, is his penis small, medium, or Orafoura?

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

You can’t be creative without criticism. If your life is without critics then maybe you are painting your life’s masterpiece with only a broken brown crayon.

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

Help yourself to a bottle of wine. They’re all empty.

Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — ‘Cuppa tea, cuppa tea… almost got shagged… cuppa tea’?

We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception. It’s liberating. But we...

Don’t be stupider than you need to be, I remind myself. Remember Calease? The last glowing girl you talked to tried to kill you.

☺☺ When a man gets you 99, he starts to think, he may only have another 10 years of sexy lovemaking left… Still Smiling At 99. ☺☺

Cara, in the lead, came to a halt beside them, looking from one to the other. “Still with the clothes, Lord Rahl?

How do I define history? It’s just one fucking thing after another” – Rudge

What do you call someone who watches you in your private moments? They used to be called a pervert, but now they’re called an NSA agent.

The meaning of life is XXXXXXXXXXX… Redaction mark? What redaction mark?

I conceal myself behind cynicism because it’s safe. Camouflage is more protective than body armor. Why do you think the Department of Defense contacted me to design a gun that shoots insults?

Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent.

I like gross generalizations…I also like disgusting specifics!

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I’m not talking to you.