I’m very proud of my body of work. You should see it naked sometime.

Why do you have bungee cords back here?” she asked.”I’m dating again.

My writing doesn’t improve if you think it’s great, and it doesn’t lessen if you think it sucks. Likewise, you not showing me love doesn’t mean mine for you has to be invisible. The two...

What’s up?” [asked Ford.]I don’t know,” said Marvin, “I’ve never been there.

Justice will prevail!

I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

I’m angry with myself.

I’m divorced, in debt, and I can’t grow sideburns. Sometimes I get depressed, but then I think, It’s OK—I can still grow a mustache.

Psychotics, say what you want about them, tend to make the first move.

If travel were so inspiring and informing a business…then the wisest men in the world would be deck hands on tramp steamers, Pullman porters, and Mormon missionaries.

I’m a 21st-century kid trapped in a 19th-century family.

He curled his claw into a fist. “I’d like to shove a stake up that bastard’s ass.”Adam’s lip curled. “Remind me not to piss you off.”The demon raised his brow. “Trust that shit, mancy.

Wow, Mindy, you really have it especially bad. I have heard some stories of stress, but this just takes the cake.

I have discovered that the world over, unusual weather prevails at all times of the year.

If I wouldn’t have looked under the hood, I’d have never noticed the problem. But as far as I know, the problem didn’t exist before I opened the hood. So did I cause the problem...

Gil’s penchant for blondes is world-renowned.

She had a highly developed sense of humor which in some lights looked a bit like a sense of justice.

We are a generation that is obsessed with nostalgia. Everything from the past is so readily available in ways that it never was before and because of that, western civilization will experience a period of...

Are you watching the boats?” Cornelia guessed. She craned her neck to see if there was any excitement on the river.Heavens no, I’m spying on people,” Virginia responded unrepentantly.-Cornelia E and Virginia Somerset

I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree.

That’s what I meant,’ said Pippin. ‘We hobbits ought to stick together, and we will. I shall go, unless they chain me up. There must be someone with intelligence in the party.

Kim was more than a little inclined to snarl at him, but in the past few days she had learned that snarling at Mairelon did little good. He simply smiled and corrected her grammar.

Nature is a porno. Deal with it.

This existenitalist stuff sure is crap

Music

I drink special water, because not all water is equal. Some water is smarter and taller and more handsome than other water.

Who leads the world in consumption? America! Who has more lawyers per capita? America! Who has the highest incarceration rate? America! What is the greatest country on earth? America!

Fo’. Shiz.

Everyone is a fuckin’ Napoleon.

Believe in yourself,” with an accompanying image of a wilting flower.

Demons, werewolves, zombies–they’re all supposed to be for entertainment purposes only.

The early morning is too strong to drink straight, so I need to mix in a little coffee to be able to hold it down.

I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.

You’ll be reading the breakfast menu without me before you know it.”Hmm, maybe I don’t want to learn French

If I’m going down, I’m going down with lipstick on.

May you fall on a fork and get eaten by a cannibal.

I smile thinly, to make it clear that this will happen when hell turns into a family friendly summer resort.

I shaved off a few seconds from my morning routine by not shaving off my facial hair. I’m growing a handlebar mustache for charity—and for something to hang on to while I ride my unicycle.

Look, Mrs. McGillicuddy, it’s not my fault your son jumped out a dorm room window on Christmas eve. I’ve written over fifty books as a Columbia professor, all right? You don’t do that by holding...

A joke is a very serious thing.

What did you think of him?” Cade asked.”Give me some credit,” Zach said. “Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond.

We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so you don’t have to.

Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.

Who would you rather make love to—me, or the dead carcass of a deer? Don’t deliver a hasty answer. Think it over.

I don’t punch walls, because walls don’t punch back. I also don’t punch things that can and do punch back.

How do god fit him ass in them jeans when he is, in fact, Everywhere

He took a breath, then proclaimed, ‘Lady Shaselle of Hytanica, I am in love with you.’ I burst into laughter, pulling my legs up to ease my aching stomach muscles. He rolled onto his side...

I had a dream about you. I was a small business owner, and you were also a small business owner. The difference was I was a sole proprietor, and you were a midget.

That’s all women need men for? Sperm, a paycheck, and free flights?