A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they normally serve.

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

A brick could be used to stop war. Logically, a non-brick could be used to start a war. The most common non-brick war starter is of course a politician, which is misleading because despite being...

I don’t need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a...

Aunt Mercy put down her tiles, one at a time. I-T-C-H-I-N.Aunt Grace leaned closer to the board, squinting. “Mercy Lynne, you’re cheatin’ again! What kinda word is that? Use it in a sentence.””I’m itchin’ ta...

A brick could be used to represent a memory. That way when you live in a brick house, you could be living in the past.

The world is in trouble because of a few funny sympathetic philosophers

Coordinating the retreat was important too, so important that Jiaan had assigned Aram as Fasal’s assistant, to be sure he didn’t overlook anything important. Like the fact that they were supposed to retreat.

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

Pleased to meet you.” Sage said, offering his hand. “The pleasure is all mine,” Rayna Purred. “Unless ofcourse, it’s all Clea’s which is even better.”Sage smiled and might have even blushed a bit, which was...

When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I...

A blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if you were a snowman, and were cold all the time, wouldn’t you welcome...

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby.

Televators Broken

I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them.

Knives are sharp, but are equally confusing.

No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Humility” If you don’t have it, you’re gonna get it.

A brick could be used to bestow gratitude upon your favorite (or least favorite) politician. Let them know your approval level by giving them the gift that says both Thank You—and Fuck You.

You’re far too prickly tempered to be a mistress. You’re far better suited as a wife.

Bricks could be used to fill Fort Knox. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, if we fill Fort Knox with bricks, where will we keep all the gold that’s kept there? I still need...

The first sign that Karma was now in cahoots with the Devil Incarnate to ruin her existance should’ve been before sunrise and pre-coffee.

A blanket could be used as a cover of your favorite song by your favorite cover band.

So he slips his head off of Jeff’s shoulder and slides out from under Evan’s Armand shuffles down to the bottom of the bed. It doesn’t have a lot of dignity this part of their...

Rose’s work of art took her all day, including two playtimes, story time, and most of lunch.At the end of school it was stolen from her by the wicked teacher who had pretended to be...

I’m done. I’m going to go to bed and read important books about theater.””It would would be easier if you just said porn,” Scarlett said.”No idea what you’re talking about. But knock first if you...

I found this, though,” Gazzy said excitedly, holding up a small green box. “Gas-X! Like, ‘X’ for explosion! This is great! I’m thinking I rig this with a detonator and-“”Did you find that in the...

I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?

Are you sure this is a good idea?’ I ask.‘No,’ says Amber. ‘Let’s do it.

She whistled when she noticed my back. I assume because of my injuries. I mean, my ass just isn’t that spectacular.

A brick could be cast in Samuel Jackson roles. It would be cheaper and more dramatic.

will I achieve this?no way.that’s not acknowledging me.i am on wrong way.i accept.

Blankets could be used to stop exponential population growth. If we kept the people warm, maybe they wouldn’t try to heat themselves up through continual fornication.

If you put any effort into anything you do and have a strong sense of self to the point where you don’t even question your choices before you walk out of the house— you’re a...

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of ‘proving theorems.’ Is a writer’s job mainly that of ‘writing sentences?

Would you like to sit?” Kellen asked her.”You’d better do it soon,” Owen whispered close to her ear, “or I’m going to bend you over that table and break the club’s no-penetration-in-the-lounge rule.

And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.

When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.

Stomp stomp. Whirr. Pleased to be of service.Shut up.Thank you.Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. Thank you for making a simple door very happy.Hope your diodes rot.Thank you. Have a nice day.Stomp stomp stomp stomp....

Sounds great,” she said flatly then made a gagging sound.

You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.

Funyuns make you fart,” Caspian said, and I exploded in laughter.”What’s so funny?” Ben asked.I tried to stop laughing, but Caspian was leaning forward now, his face stck right in between us. “Funyuns give you...

Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you.

In any given situation there will always be more dumb people than smart people. We ain’t many!