Took me a while to get to the point today, but that is because I did not know what the point was when I started.

There is much to discover that’s not on the back cover!

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” – Simon Hunt

The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.

In the Haymarket! That Pop went to all the time! That is just dumb talk.

I’ll have you know there is nothing simple about my groin…” He shot her his predatory grin, the one he often reserved for her breasts. Run little girl, run far and run fast… take those...

Artificial plants grow best in artificial light.

For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.

He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stealthy check – big show, I wasn’t!- I found myself wonder what color his eyes were. Brown maybe....

I had liked him for all the wrong reasons.

I had a dream about you. You looked like you, but you also looked like a mannequin. And I looked like me, but I also looked like a mannequin. Between the two of us, we...

A brick could be used to help teach teenagers to tie their shoes. Honestly, if they are so stupid that they haven’t figured out how to tie their own shoes by now, torture really is...

‘Can you be a girl for a few seconds?’ ‘I’m always a girl’ I frown. ‘You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl’ I twirl my hair around my finger. ‘Kay.’

This social worker lassie turns round n gies us a stroppy look. Ah jist smiles bit she looked away aw fuckin nippy likes. Disnae cost nowt tae be social. A social worker thit cannae be...

A skyscraper is to a brick as a pyramid is to____________A) a vagina, B) a particular vagina, or C) your mother’s vagina.

When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.

Instead of hearing the message he was trying to impress upon me and the impressionable queer ears hanging on his every word, all I could think was, I can’t believe he just told them all...

A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try reading it soundlessly.

It’s the poignancy and sadness in things that gets to me.

Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.

Seriously, don’t even get me started on my hot bod. You don’t want to see me naked, Dave. Seeing me naked actually took Hazel Grace’s breath away,” he said, nodding toward the oxygen tank.

That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh?

I scoop a clattering cascade of green apple Jelly Bellys into the white paper bag and remember when we were seven. I got stung by a jellyfish. Tim cried because his mother, and mine, wouldn’t...

I’m not sure whether to be relieved she didn’t hurt you or diappointed. Now he’s going to think he got away with that junk.” -AbbyI wouldn’t say that. He got a stern talking-to, but he...

Blankets could be used as tents. That would free up tents to be used as portable sex stalls.

He’ll never leave.

A blanket could be used to aid a waiter with bringing out a large order of beer. Those customers can drape themselves in soggy drunkenness.

Your on your on with this one babe.””Coward.””Calling me names isn’t going to get me in there.”-Ranger and Stephanie

A brick could be used to help you write the book you’ve always wanted to write. That is, if you wanted to write a book on masonry with a target market of two—your parents.

She should have remembered her past experiences in the relationship wars and not let herself get so excited. Evidently her hormones had overruled her common sense and she had become drunk on ovarian wine, the...

A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose my erection.

I know I’m delicious. Nummy…..nummy.-Vlad

A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together.

What is it, you ask?” Kali said, trying to cover her surprise with nonchalant words. “I haven’t thought of a name yet. Got any ideas?””Shit,” the pirate said, said of. The gag made elocution difficult.”That...

A blanket could be used like a trumpet could be used as a murder weapon. And if the cops ask you what I was doing on the night of June 6th, tell them I was...

Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged.

A blanket could be shared with someone cold. And if you’re sharing your blanket, they might as well share the blame in getting pregnant. It’s not like they can blame me, because I was in...

Hayden?””Yes,Gia?””Nothing I just wanted to say your name

A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so nobody can hog all the amor.

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends

A blanket can be a meditation device. If the blanket is white, and you stare at it, you can blank out your mind and find peace within yourself.

I had a scimitar at my throat. I’d like to see you try signaling under those conditions.”-Janco and Ari bickering

If I hung out with Van Gogh, I don’t know what we’d do. We’d just play it by ear, I guess.

Isobel moved farther into the kitchen, not knowing whether to be relieved that her mother hadn’t had an atomic meltdown, or mortified that she’d taken it upon herself to play head chef with the nearest...

I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.

I can be a gentleman off and on. When the urge hits me. – Tran

A brick could be used for bric-a-brac. If you bring the brick, I’ll bring the brac.

Should I have brought my diploma?

A brick could be used to help America make money. Trust me, this is smarter than letting a central bank like the Federal Reserve make all the money.

When I was growing up we didn’t have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!