A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and since nobody will want to eat it, you’ll be left with more cake for yourself.

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

The ones who constantly make us laugh are the hardest of friends to know – for comedians are the caricatures among us.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Forgiveness” Steroids for the Soul.

A brick could be renamed something clever and cute, like President, and repackaged and resold to a solid base of sheep consumers every four years. The sheeple will never even notice that every new model...

So where did you get your information? Werewolves for Dummies? No, wait, you watched Underworld? Or maybe you were raised by wolves? Stop mewhen I’m warm.” – Shella

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you’ve got a friend for life. Say, do...

Dyslexic satan worshipers think they’re worshipping Santa.

Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I’m so stupid. Forget I just said that. “He needs a Band-Aid,” I said. A look passed between...

Do you like my brother?” And there goes Dan’s confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field. “Uh… yes? I mean… I think everyone likes your brother, don’t they?” She leans over and gives...

Mountains could be what happens when Father Earth eats something that doesn’t agree with him. When he burps, mountains pop up.””That’s absurd,” Keselo said, trying not to laugh.”If you’ve got a better theory, I’d be...

When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. “Put your clothes in for a wash,” he said. “They were disgusting.”Ginny always thought that the only way of getting...

There you have it: our lives in a nutshell. Emphasis on nut.

Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long.Good things come to those who wait.

Life would be a great deal easier if dead things had the decency to remain dead.

Suits obviously had helped to promote bad government and he was as guilty as anyone for wearing them so steadfastly for twenty years. Of late he had become frightened of the government for the first...

Brick and Blanket could be the names of two characters in a screenplay full of witty dialogue like: Brick: Hello! Blanket: Hi! Brick: How are you? Blanket: Good. You? Brick: Good.

He will not let you come barging in to his world like the proverbial bull in the china shop.

A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you start licking, or else you’ll drip brick all over my blanket.

I didn’t think I wanted kids either until I had one,” is like me going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and telling the newly sober that eventually when they grow old, they’ll want to take...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

I practice safe sex – I use an airbag.

He dug his heels into his horse’s flanks and sped down the path. He heard the others call out behind him, but he ignored them. He was sure Karl and Johan and the others would...

Jake wasn’t about to be seduced like some schoolgirl. Not by a man who went by the unlikely name of Tornado, not by anyone. He stood as firmly as he could in the mud and...

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

I could’ve knocked the shit out of her .She’d have good reason to roll her eyes then. But knocking the shit out of rude people wasn’t my style. Heckling them every chance I got was....

lower animals” (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the...

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is…42!

I’ve been with this young lady for about two years now, and my life changed. I don’t even think that way no more. I feel good, too, that I’m changed. Now I feel regular. I...

Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.

He didn’t want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here

The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her.

…Neferet fell smack on her butt.

The character was so strong, particularly because of that distinctive voice, that nobody could picture me in any other type of role.

My parents didn’t raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on...

So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.

All right, baby,” Daphne crooned.”Talk to Mama and tell me all your secrets. . . .

I should go in alone,” Valkyrie said, speaking loudly to be heard. “If we both go in, it’ll look to official.””So I’ll just stay out here?” Skulduggery asked. “But what’ll I do? There’s no one...

You’ll blow up a helicopter, but you won’t go out with me? What is wrong with you?

I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights.

Uphill? There’s nothing up the hill,” Colly said, trying desperately to work out where this conversation was going.”As a matter of fact, there is. There’s a bluff about twelve meters high, with a river running...

The real F-word is ‘future.

If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now.

Oz lists the hem of his shirt, exposing his cut abs, and wipes his brow with the material. Oh my with chocolate on top. That was just beautiful.

Secret 48617.0. If you’re TDY in Ottawa, the only thing worse than CSIS giving you a bad time is CSIS attempting to show you a good one.

I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket.

Make love. I meant make love … of course. I would never just stick my dick in you. I would make mad, passionate love to this sweet, sweet body of yours for days, no, weeks....

I saw you put rice in a toaster once,” said Mae. “I was there when made the tin of beans explode.””It was faulty,” Jamie protested, his eyes shifty. ” I am sure of this.

Last year I built a Courage Machine, but I thought it might be noisy and was too afraid to turn it on. So I coated it with glue, covered it with cat hair, mounted it...