As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?

I sauntered to the kitchen, where the lone pot of afternoon coffee had been reduced to thick black syrup. Glad that no one was around to watch, I filled a Styrofoam cup halfway with the...

I combined a unicycle with coffee table legs. You know, for balance and sexual stamina. I make love like I’m at the drive-thru, and I am, because I’m in a rush and I don’t have...

Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?

I listen to helloes at 65 MPH. Anything faster is just asking for a goodbye. I’m too love and in young to do anything but drink coffee out of a helmet, while wearing a helmet....

have a great day.” And I turned to leave. Damn! I am such a coward. Next time I’ll get her number, I told myself, even though I said the exact same thing sixty-some dollars ago....

Her love was decaffeinated, and mine wasn’t. Her love was also black, and mine was creamy and sweet. How could she not want to drink it up?

I prefer to urinate standing on my feet, rather than doing a handstand. You should see me enjoy a cup of coffee.

I couldn’t throw a basketball through a hula-hoop, but I could drink coffee through a fishing net. But why do that when I’d rather fish with a thermos?

Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning for a cup of coffee and a donut?

She is the gin. Cold, intoxicating. Gives you a rush, makes you warm inside, makes you lose your head. Take too much, it makes you sick and shuts you down. He is the coffee, hot,...

I called her twice, but she didn’t call me back. She’s more efficient than me, as she’s able to communicate without communicating. It’s sad, because I had two cups of coffee, and I was going...

Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.

I ordered my favorite drink; vanilla iced blended coffee with whipped cream and caramel sauce on top. The whipped cream and caramel sauce were the best. Usually when no one was watching, I would lick...

I decline the coffee. I don’t drink it, because no matter how much sugar I put into it, it still tastes like ass-water to me. Maybe it’s because my taste buds are so desensitized to...

We [Americans] became a nation of java junkies, wired from dawn to dusk intent on running faster, getting richer, dancing harder, playing longer and getting higher than anybody else.

It’s mechanical,” Leo said. “Maybe a doorway to the dwarfs’ secret lair?” “Ooooo!” shrieked a nearby voice. “Secret lair?” “I want a secret lair!” yelled another voice from above….”If we had a secret lair,” said...

But one day you’re going to wake up to the smell of a friend making burnt toast and warm coffee, and you’re going to smile with relief knowing you made it. Knowing somebody found ways...

I don’t know how you drink this straight. You’re badass.””That’s why I am your boss-

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

6 months, 2 weeks, 4 days,and I still don’t know which month it was thenor what day it is now.Blurred out linesfrom hangovers to coffeeAnother vagabond lost to love.4am alone and on my way.These are...

I just got circumcised, and to help the homeless, I’m going to make a tent out of my foreskin. But right now I’m offering free coffee if you haven’t got a place to sleep.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.

I drink coffee like goats walk on tightropes. It’s fun to watch, but it sure would be easier if this monkey dressed like a cowboy would get off my back.

Coffee smells like how I imagine heaven will be scented. Would you like to spend eternity in my nose?

All thoughts, secret or spoken, belong in a coffee table book written in Braille, so you can really feel the emotions.

In exchange for my silence, I want a box of quiet. Empty—and full. That’s also how I like my morning coffee at night.

I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.

When I feel sad, I try to think of someone else in the world who is suffering worse than me. Like someone in Seattle, who is hurting so bad financially that instead of a vente...

He liked the idea of coffee quite a lot—a warm drink that gave you energy and had been for centuries associated with sophisticates and intellectuals. But coffee itself tasted to him like caffeinated stomach bile.

I sipped my own coffee, heavy on the sugar and cream, trying to make up for the late work the night before. Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.

Back then, we had a cook who made lunch and dinner. Someone was in charge of making toast and coffee in the mornings. The toast was always really hard as a brick and the coffee...

…and my coffee is Blue Mountain and I drink it black, which is unusual for a teenage girl, but it’s definitely the way good coffee should be drunk if you have any respect for the...

The untreated cardboard sleeve around the venti-plus cup, stamped with biodegradable inks, proclaiming the coffee shop’s proud independence, the simple black printing on the flecked card making its own statement about authenticity.

There are seven or eight of them that come in every day, have coffee and a little Danish or something. They sit there and shoot the breeze about what has been going on.

The coffee will help with post-resurrection synapse realignment. Trust me.

The coffee’s done? I LOVE IT WHEN THE COFFEE’S DONE!

We are pleased to extend the positive working relationship with Starbucks Coffee International.

Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee.

There are billions of conversations happening every second, and it’s too bad I can’t listen to more than about half of them at one time. Most are just he said she said chatter, and I...

If coffee is a drug, then I am a junky. And if coffee’s not a drug, then I’m still a junky. Damnit.

I drink coffee like other men play basketball. I drink like a woman, and that’s why I use a slightly smaller ball.

I folded my map in half and used it to make a sandwich. Then I dipped it in coffee and ate all of Europe and half of Russia.

I tried to raise my eyebrows in disbelief, but I forgot I’d packed away my eyebrows along with all my other winter clothing. My iced coffee was watery and warm with neglect.

I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none of the politicians. You can burn my house, but don’t you dare burn my coffee.

Follow the ideal doing,grind the beans just before brewing.Use spring water,for softened water,makes a horror.A parley perfect,between the coffee,and the milk,with some,brown sugar thick.” (Poem: An apology of a coffee lunatic, Book: Ginger and Honey)

Most Wanted.” It’s good to be desired. I’d be honored to be shot at for a large reward, or a small cup of coffee.

What triggered a migraine for me may have no effect on someone else. For many people, coffee can relieve symptoms somewhat, but for me it was a trigger. You really have to find out what...

Kate picked up her coffee cup, frowning when she saw it was empty. “Did you drink my coffee?””Yes. I was feeling aggressive.