6 months, 2 weeks, 4 days,and I still don’t know which month it was thenor what day it is now.Blurred out linesfrom hangovers to coffeeAnother vagabond lost to love.4am alone and on my way.These are...

I just got circumcised, and to help the homeless, I’m going to make a tent out of my foreskin. But right now I’m offering free coffee if you haven’t got a place to sleep.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

The zipper on my crotch is an air vent. I need some way to cool down my hot coffee.

I drink coffee like goats walk on tightropes. It’s fun to watch, but it sure would be easier if this monkey dressed like a cowboy would get off my back.

Coffee smells like how I imagine heaven will be scented. Would you like to spend eternity in my nose?

All thoughts, secret or spoken, belong in a coffee table book written in Braille, so you can really feel the emotions.

In exchange for my silence, I want a box of quiet. Empty—and full. That’s also how I like my morning coffee at night.

I don’t need a coffee cup. That’s what hands were invented for. That’s also why I don’t need sex.

When I feel sad, I try to think of someone else in the world who is suffering worse than me. Like someone in Seattle, who is hurting so bad financially that instead of a vente...

He liked the idea of coffee quite a lot—a warm drink that gave you energy and had been for centuries associated with sophisticates and intellectuals. But coffee itself tasted to him like caffeinated stomach bile.

I ordered my favorite drink; vanilla iced blended coffee with whipped cream and caramel sauce on top. The whipped cream and caramel sauce were the best. Usually when no one was watching, I would lick...

I decline the coffee. I don’t drink it, because no matter how much sugar I put into it, it still tastes like ass-water to me. Maybe it’s because my taste buds are so desensitized to...

We [Americans] became a nation of java junkies, wired from dawn to dusk intent on running faster, getting richer, dancing harder, playing longer and getting higher than anybody else.

It’s mechanical,” Leo said. “Maybe a doorway to the dwarfs’ secret lair?” “Ooooo!” shrieked a nearby voice. “Secret lair?” “I want a secret lair!” yelled another voice from above….”If we had a secret lair,” said...

But one day you’re going to wake up to the smell of a friend making burnt toast and warm coffee, and you’re going to smile with relief knowing you made it. Knowing somebody found ways...