It’s just like when you’ve got some coffee that’s too black, which means it’s too strong. What do you do? You integrate it with cream, you make it weak. But if you pour too much...

Life’s too short to drink crappy coffee and cry over boys who don’t care.

A guy’s gotta live, you know, gotta make his way and find his meaning in life and love, and to do that he needs coffee, he needs coffee and coffee and coffee.

We all know how it went when Europe changed from a culture addicted to depressants to one high on stimulants […] Within two hundred years of Europe’s first cup, famine and the plague were historical...

Looks like I missed a party. Good. I wasn’t really in the mood to off demons this evening. Haven’t had my coffee yet. (Jared)You drink coffee? (Stryker)No, but it was my pathetic attempt at humor....

Writing Cave means it’s Coffee O’Clock…Who am I kidding? It’s always Coffee O’Clock!

People like to cry over spilled milk, but I cry every time I spill my coffee.

Almost all the world is natural chemicals, so it really makes you re-think everything. A cup of coffee is filled with chemicals. They’ve identified a thousand chemicals in a cup of coffee. But we only...

I am clumsy, drop glasses and get drunk on Monday afternoons. I read Seneca and can recite Shakespeare by heart, but I mess up the laundry, don’t answer my phone and blame the world when...

I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy.

Her cold, dead body was as stiff as a mannequin, but that didn’t stop me from asking her to dance. I was confident that even as a corpse she’d still have more fluidity on the...

When I think about all the thinking I’ve done, I get sleepy, like a coffee-colored bear.

Thanks, I try to look good.

I’m 50% in love. To put that into a visual, I am a 3’ tall midget aspiring to be a 6’ tall man, with the coffee capacity of a narcoleptic camel.

I once said hello to a pack of goodbyes, but they were asleep to my coffee offering. They were running towards love, which is always running away from me.

This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.

My caution in terms of directly applying the caffeine or the coffee before sex to enhance your sexual drive or motivation would be that in this experiment, we gave only one dose of caffeine to...

Instead of cream, I like fog in my coffee. Makes me feel like I’m drinking the mystery that is love.

I like my coffee like I like myself….making rustling noises inside a burlap bag

i don’t know. i don’t care. all i know is when you pay for something that’s supposed to give you a cup of coffee, you deserve to get your fucking cup of coffee.

Where else do you have a thousand-dollar item sitting on a table in a coffee shop?

The philosopher Sir James Mackintosh had said that the powers of a man’s mind were proportionate to the quantity of coffee he drank, and Voltaire had knocked back fifty cups of it a day, so...

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

Ten years after the Boston Tea Party, tea was still far more popular than coffee, which only became the more popular drink in the mid-nineteenth century. Coffee’s popularity grew after the duty on imports was...

Me invitó a café, la nueva infusión que, procedente de Turquía, se hace cada vez más popular y causa furor en toda Europa. […] Es un líquido intensamente negro, muy aromático, con un sabor amargo...

Coffee is not about having something to drink in cool weather, it’s about having something to drink when you are not sleeping

I’m 32 years old and I’m tired. It’s because I haven’t drank enough coffee. If I had, I’d probably only be 29.

I asked the girl at the coffee shop out on a date. Unfortunately she said no, probably because I asked her out to coffee.

She drowned in a coffee cup the size of a swimming pool. It really helped wake me up to my own mortality.

Starbucks has odd drink sizes. I say man’s hands were meant to be cupped, so pour the hot coffee right in. But obviously I’ll need help pouring and stirring in cream and sugar, as my...

I love coffee, and coffee loves me. You know what else loves me? Hookers in hot paper cups.

Coffee is made from beans. Burritos also have beans in them, although I’ll admit a burrito isn’t as drinkable as a cup of coffee.

I always order a small coffee in a medium cup—to leave room for cream, without subtracting from the full amount of coffee I paid for. I’m like that with love too, except I don’t need...

My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book I want.

Coffee excites my mind in ways not describable my words. The closest approximation is a sperm whale in orgasm, only silent and bubblier.

The fresh smell of coffee soon wafted through the apartment, the smell that separates night from day.

Wait!”What?” I lowered my cup hastily, wondering if maybe there was a stray hair, or worse, a newly boiled bug inside my cup.You got to smell it first. It’s the proper way to cup coffee.”Cup...

Bring me A bowl of coffee before I turn into a goat

Somehow, the Good Lord don’t want to see no man start a cold morning with just black coffee.

Coffee and character designs: That’s what my night’s lookin’ like.

We drank our coffee the Russian way. That is to say we had vodka before it and vodka afterwards.

What do you want?””Just coffee. Black – like my soul.

December coffee futures have rallied about 10% in the past three days to $1.05 a pound from a low of 95 cents on Monday in response to the hurricane damage,

Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.

Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me.

Karate, I get a real kick out of it. I would get a kick out of coffee, but I’ve got better ways of stirring, like renting Michael Phelps’ 400 IM time.

I asked for the time, and she sold me a way to divide my attention into 12 equal parts. I asked her out to coffee, but she hinted there wasn’t a watch big enough to...

Business idea: People like to eat and drive, so why not make edible cars? Instead of gasoline, they’d run on coffee.

You can’t put water back in a cloud after a rain like you can with a sponge. Coffee flows out of my penis, and though it’s less caffeinated, it’s just as drinkable.

When rain comes down, the chance of rainbows goes up. Likewise, when my coffee goes down, I wake up. Hopefully I wake up in your bed.