I’m too horny tonight to be productive. Right now the only thing I could make is love. And then I wouldn’t be productive, I’d be reproductive.

Mother said, haven’t you seen older boys of your age, that you should take your rotten hands and play with my son’s penis? I held my mouth, and i really stiffled a giggle. Now i...

We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but if I want to play, I have to protect myself with a jockstrap.

If you are aware of the kind of hunger, regrets and frustrations that follows rumpy pumpy, you would stir clear from hanky panky.

Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?

My libido was doing the humpy dance while dressed in Milkbone pasties and a thong.

Don’t run around looking for someone who can sexually satisfy you, run around and look for the book which will intellectually satisfy you.

For the duration of his erection: To a horny man, all women are the most beautiful woman in the world.

The paradise in women is not the v-shape manipulation between their legs, or the two lovely bombs, set on their bosom that can blast any strong, holy spirit filled individual, but that part of her...

A horny man is seen. A horny woman is heard.

Thinking about the bed leaves you horny, but thinking beyond the bed gives you honor, freedom and wisdom.

There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.

watching porn is like seeing the clouds in the dessert and expecting rain☺

A man’s love for a woman is not defined by his availability in bed, but by every ingredient he adds to improve the taste of the relationship.

*Forever* is an illusion that human beings promise each other when they are horny, or, trying to appear holy.

Driving at night, when it’s dark, it’s the best time to wear a blindfold. My bumper sticker says honk if you’re horny, so give me a beep or two.

Whether you studied sexology or not, nobody will teach you how to screw, nobody will point to your vagina and say, hey that’s where you pee and bonk! And nobody will say, hey, your penis...

98% of the things said by a drunk man are true; 98% of those said by a horny man aren’t.

Love is two unicorns arguing over which is better: one animal with two horns, like a bull, or two animals with one horn apiece. I guess it doesn’t matter, because you should never debate when...

I have come to realize that my stupid gestures excites women alot, and if I’m really stupid, i will dare to take them to bed and excite them even more.

My erection is made of iron, and metal detectors make me horny.

Forcing your love on someone who doesn’t love you is an emotional rape, because your victim’s heart was not aroused, you jumped into it without foreplay.

Women get lonely, while men merely get horny. I should know, because I’d feel lonely even if I were surrounded by 11 clones of myself.

Gone are the days when women were attracted by a man’s hansomeness. Today, we are talking about cash, and your compromise to become a tiger in bed.