Archie Henderson has won no awards, written no books and never played any representative sport. He was an under-11 tournament-winning tennis player as a boy, but left the game when he discovered rugby where he...

If you forget who you’ve become remember who you are

Always stay one step a head, unless you’re already there

In fact,’ said Poirot, ‘she stabbed him in the dark, not realising that he was dead already, but somehow deduced that he had a watch in his pyjama pocket, took it out, put back the...

It’s like George always says: being in a rock ʼn’ roll band is very sexy, even when you’re only the keyboard player and your idea of the perfect Saturday night actually amounts to a bubble...

Don’t suffocate in there.

Tatiana is a ridiculously curvy thing of dreams, with smooth succulent thighs, long strawberry blond cascading beneath a teal bandana, and a nympho sparkle in her eyes that says pick me, lick me, spank me,...

Evil influence is like a nicotine patch, you cannot help but absorb what sticks to you.

You have savings?” she was astonished.As a woman who lived on the very extreme edges of her budget, whose credit card bills were a source of monthly concern, the idea of savings was just so...

…There are too many idiots in this world. And having said it, I have the burden of proving it.

As the year goes on, certain deputies—and others, high in public life—will appear unshaven, without coat or cravat; or they will jettison these marks of the polite man, when the temperature rises. They affect the...

Sorry. i just can’t seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn’t know what to think, how to act. I’ll have a talk with it later....

The mice were furious.”[…]”Oh yes,” said the old man mildly.”Yes well so I expect were the dogs and cats and duckbilled platypuses, but…””Ah, but they hadn’t paid for it you see, had they?””Look,” said Arthur,...

Skul-man!’ he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. ‘Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!’ Skulduggery nodded. ‘Just got back.

At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy...

Matt shrugged. It was a good shrug, too. All it was missing was a beret, a stripy shirt and a Gauloise cigarette.

My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me.

Every student should know that statues are meant for sitting. If we’re to endure their terrible old faces leering at us, the least they can do is offer shade or a comfortable perch.” Nigel Bristow...

Sure, at some level scientists know nanobots will destroy mankind. They just can’t resist seeing how it happens.

After a lifetime of soft, easy living in the West, one’s buttocks take an awful hammering out here. Backpacking around India is just one long round of sitting on bone-hard, chafing, bruising and generally uncomfortable...

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.Cross it? I’m making plans to destroy the bridge from orbit.-Colonel Ceeta & Captain Tagon

Hopeless. Freak. Elephant. Pitiful

Two whores who finally found something to mother. A guy could write a book about it, he thought bitterly, call it From Hair To Maternity. It would probly be a very long book. Whores did...

To find your way you must first take the steps

I’m the Doctor; I’m worse than everybody’s aunt!

Sometimes you know you’ve got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn’t so messed up, it wouldn’t be like that. If the world was normal, a...

Tonight sucks. And look at me. Look at – look at stupid Buffy. Too dumb for college, and-and-and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And-and my job at the magic shop? I was bored...

Eton produced Society’s Monsters – everyone knew that. Politicians, mostly, and occasionally people who ran banks and all the other institutions that stole the world’s spoils for themselves.

Okay, guys. Stop it. Are you going to start peeing on me to mark your territory?

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

I love therapy. I don’t get the taboo about seeking therapy at all. It’s exactly like taking Buzzfeed quizzes. At the end of the day, we all want to know what cocktail we are. But...

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

Louis-Cesare and Ray were in trouble.I could tell because I could see them, not clearly, but in fits and starts, little glimmers like a couple of ghosts, if ghosts made “oh shit” faces on the...

The sign of a good conscience is for a man to be in support of basically everything that Westboro Baptist isn’t.

I was not so comfortable with my new authority that I could say ‘We eat the chicken now!’ but the magus had seen that I was considering it…”My purse is full enough,” said the magus,...

He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her.

Anywhere you are standing right now is like no where else on earth. So look at the cars, the trees, the buildings and soak it all in.

Just leave me alone, I want to be alone,” she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the lock, and wound the window up. Since the roof was down, it was...

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine.

I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.

A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out message.Luis: Hey

He turned around, suddenly concerned. “Are you pregnant? Are you gay? I’d rather you were gay than pregnant. Unless you’re pregnant. Then we’ll deal. Whatever it is, we’ll deal. Are you pregnant?

I’ve never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn’t it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you’re here?

While an author is yet living we estimate his powers by his worst performance, and when he is dead we rate them by his best.

Meg’s face clouded, and I wondered if she was going to rain the way people do sometimes.

Winner is Not Winner Until Someone Lose.

A Christian telling an atheist they’re going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they’re not getting any presents from Santa.

The theory of attachment is same for humans and computers. Unknown sender’s attachment is blocked..Known sender’s attachment is accepted or ignored..Heavy attachments are annoying..Too heavy attachments do not reach..No attachment is the best option!

Don’t mind Russ,” he says. “He’s a good kid underneath all those holes, although it’s a wonder he doesn’t spring a leak when he drinks

The devil was always in the detail. And here the detail was certainly devilish.