If the colour of life turns grey turn the palette the other way

One grey hair appeared on my headI plucked it out with my hand.It answered me: “You have prevailed against me alone -What will you do when my army comes after me?”- Yehuda Halevi

What does Mrs Preston want to go abroad for?’ asked Mr Leslie.’I think her doctor wanted her to, Father,’ said Agnes.’Doctors!’ said Mr Leslie, wiping the whole of the Royal College of Physicians off the...

Heads swivel. Whispers erupt. As Kalist returns to his desk, bone cane by his side, he indulges, briefly, in horse practice, neighing lightly as he scrolls through a few mental images of busty secretary, Geiger,...

I love to pull at people’s heart strings, but I’m no Nicholas Sparks.

Right then, in a nutshell: this one hasn’t a single bone of obedient-little-wife material in her heavenly body.”Hasn’t she? Then what kind of bone does your expertise detect?’Fermin came closer, adopting a confidential tone. ‘The...

Awake,chaos:we have napped.

Time to start getting more sleep. This beautiful physique needs royal treatment.

No, she laughed.” How on earth could that be done? If you try to laugh and say ‘No’ at the same time, it sounds like neighing — yet people are perpetually doing it in novels....

Excuse me for a moment, will ye. I think I have to talk to the river,’ he said unsteadily and flopped over the side-rail.

Oh! That was poetry!” said Pippin. “Do you really mean to start before the break of day?

He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

Have to be honest with you Darquesse, I cannot feel that. That must be one of your special abilities, because to me, it looks like you just killed a whole bunch of people for no...

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Humour is the best weapon to fight any battle. But there is a thin line between humour and humiliation and beware not to cross it.

Because the first time they met…Y-da: “You know, Y-naga-san, the more makeup you put on, the more you look like a guy in drag. So I’m going to call you F-mio!”Y-naga: “I-I like this person!”The...

How dense and literal it is. I thought it had a much more sophisticated brain.” “Your mother is dense,” Alif said wearily. “My mother was an errant crest of sea foam. But that is neither...

It took Pueblo a few seconds to take in his surroundings. The first thing he realised was that he felt bruised all over; the second was that his clothes were waterlogged, even more than before,...

I told her about the time that I got so tired of you stealing the sheets that in my sleep-weary logic I decided that the thing to do was to tie them around my legs,...

I made a deal with sharks. I don’t swim near them and they don’t play cricket.

Curious about these new entities, the elementals asked why the gods were in the shape they were.”We are bipedal,” Erebus said. “We wish to be distinguished from the animals.””What are animals?” an elemental asked.”We’re not...

I often arrive at quite sensible ideas and judgements, on the spur of the moment. It is when I stop to think that I become foolish.

…trying to predict whether global warming will moderate the next ice age is not only impossible but irrelevant. It doesn’t help us get through the next few centuries. And one can only imagine our future,...

I always reminded myself that this wasn’t exactly where I was meant to be, but pit stops are okay on the road of life, aren’t they?

Will laughed. ‘I now know why fate linked you with Xav. You are going to tease each other unmercifully.’Victorthrew down a card. ‘Might make the world a little safer for the rest of us then.”Unless...

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

The human body is the best work of art.

CUSTOMER (to their friend): God, the Famous Five titles realy were crap, weren’t they? Five Go Camping. Five Go Off in a Caravan…. If it was Five Go Down To a Crack House it might...

It’s a shame that we have to choose between two such second-rate countries as the USSR and the USA.

Call it a personal foible. Some people are scared of spiders. I’m scared of immolation. Also spiders.

He’s all right. His hair is cute.”Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. ” Oh my God, you’re in love.””I’m not in love.””‘his hair is cute’? You never say anything nice about anyone....

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me.

For a moment, Simon’s sympathetic nervous system forgot he was arachnophobic. The sight of those spindly legs rising, like an ink drawing popping out of paper into three-dimensional space, should have caused a surge of...

I was coming down off the last painkiller left in my dresser drawer after Autumn tossed my stash. In that moment I was so groggy and happy I would have accepted a date with Oscar...

The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.

So it’s off with the shellsuit and on with the Armanis,Bring out the champagne and the caviar sarnies

Sometimes he was weird, sometimes he was Captain Douchebag, but he was always my best friend.

I love Sherlock Holmes. I’ve got all his books, leather-bound. What I thought was great about Sherlock Holmes was that not only was he a supersleuth, he was also a hard worker. Not only did...

To write you dreams of fantasy, is to create fantasy in another’s dreams.

That’s not all I’ve got.

…You haven’t I suppose ever mixed with politicians at close quarters. They’re awful…their stupidity is inhuman.

After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered ‘obsessively Googling symptoms’ is a symptom of hypochondria.

I have written it before and am not ashamed to write it again. Without Wodehouse I am not sure that I would be a tenth of what I am today — whatever that may be....

I’m not into this whole “move with the times” thing. I reckon we should just decide on a year and stick with it.

Percy looked at his friends. “I’m getting tired of this guy’s shirt.””Combat time?” Piper grabbed her horn of plenty.”I hate wonder bread,” Jason said.Together, they charged.

It was a smooth silvery voice that matched her hair. It had a tiny tinkle in it, like bells in a doll’s house. I thought that was silly as soon as I thought of it.

Had the facial plumage been of a paler hue it would have looked like a pile of horse crap on a winter’s day.

Help.

Crime writers, I’ve noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven’t been caught yet!

Mr Hawkins said nothing; the Hawkins’ domestic affairs were arranged upon the principle that Fanny supplied the talk and he the silence.