There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Interviewer: ‘So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?’Frank Zappa: ‘You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

Communism doesn’t work because people like to own stuff.

The manner in which Americans ”consume” music has a lot to do with leaving it on their coffee tables, or using it as wallpaper for their lifestyles, like the score of a movie –it’s consumed...

Take the Kama Sutra. How many people died from the Kama Sutra as opposed to the Bible? Who wins?

I don’t want to see any religious people in public office because they’re working for another boss

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.

The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced.

The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has a medieval aroma, like the days when everything used to sound like that. Some people crave baseball…I find this unfathomable, but I can easily understand...

People, wake up Figure it out Religious fanatics Around and about The Court House, The State House, The Congress, The White House Criminal saints With a “Heavenly Mission” – A nation enraptured By pure superstition

I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you’re out there and you’re cute, maybe you’re beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin’ — there’s...

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we’d all love one another.

I think pop music has done more for oral intercourse than anything else that ever happened, and vice versa.

The Ultimate Rule ought to be: ‘If it sounds GOOD to you, it’s bitchin’; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it’s shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself...

Jazz is not dead – it just smells funny

So many books, so little time.

There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it’s going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.

I believe that people have a right to decide their own destiny; people own themselves. I also believe that, in a democracy, government exists because (and only as long as) individual citizens give it a...

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine- but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who...

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

The typical rock fan is not smart enough to know when he is being dumped on

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone’s teeth get cleaner?

Anything, Any time, Anywhere – for no Reason at All.

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

It isn’t necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

Most rock journalism is people who can not write interviewing people who can not talk

The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse.

Those Jesus freaks, well they’re friendly but, the shit they believe has got their minds all shut

Definition of rock journalism: People who can’t write, doing interviews with people who can’t think, in order to prepare articles for people who can’t read.

You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you...

Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man — and, until he tells us, it doesn’t make...

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, uses that something to support their own existence.

too expensive and too violent.

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.

No, I don’t think people really give a shit about that (meeting one’s maker) unless they’re completely bamboozled by religious superstition – to live your life in planning for this good time you’re going to...

If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you...

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building...

A drug is neither moral nor immoral — it’s a chemical compound. The compound itself is not a menace to society until a human being treats it as if consumption bestowed a temporary license to...

behind each breakaway movement is a breakaway demagogue who will set up his breakaway demagogue government.

You can’t always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.

Fact of the matter is, there is no hip world, there is no straight world. There’s a world, you see, which has people in it who believe in a variety of different things. Everybody believes...

lf you’re going to deal with reality, you’re going to have to make one big discovery: Reality is something that belongs to you as an individual. If you wanna grow up, which most people don’t,...

If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they’ll murder you in your sleep

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

The computer can’t tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what’s missing is the eyebrows.

Jesus will think you’re a jerk. And it would be true.

The more you can escape from how horrible things really are, the less it’s going to bother you…and then, the worse things get.