There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Interviewer: ‘So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?’Frank Zappa: ‘You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

The typical rock fan is not smart enough to know when he is being dumped on

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone’s teeth get cleaner?

Anything, Any time, Anywhere – for no Reason at All.

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

It isn’t necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

Most rock journalism is people who can not write interviewing people who can not talk

The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse.

Those Jesus freaks, well they’re friendly but, the shit they believe has got their minds all shut

Definition of rock journalism: People who can’t write, doing interviews with people who can’t think, in order to prepare articles for people who can’t read.

You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you...

Do we really want to know how Michael Jackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of the Elephant Man — and, until he tells us, it doesn’t make...

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, uses that something to support their own existence.

too expensive and too violent.

For the record, folks; I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.

No, I don’t think people really give a shit about that (meeting one’s maker) unless they’re completely bamboozled by religious superstition – to live your life in planning for this good time you’re going to...

If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you...

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building...

A drug is neither moral nor immoral — it’s a chemical compound. The compound itself is not a menace to society until a human being treats it as if consumption bestowed a temporary license to...

behind each breakaway movement is a breakaway demagogue who will set up his breakaway demagogue government.

You can’t always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.

Fact of the matter is, there is no hip world, there is no straight world. There’s a world, you see, which has people in it who believe in a variety of different things. Everybody believes...

lf you’re going to deal with reality, you’re going to have to make one big discovery: Reality is something that belongs to you as an individual. If you wanna grow up, which most people don’t,...

If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they’ll murder you in your sleep

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

The computer can’t tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what’s missing is the eyebrows.

Jesus will think you’re a jerk. And it would be true.

The more you can escape from how horrible things really are, the less it’s going to bother you…and then, the worse things get.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

It would be easier to pay off the national debt overnight than to neutralize the long-range effects of our national stupidity

I like to watch the news, because I don’t like people very much and when you watch the news … if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the...

Some people crave baseball – I find this unfathomable but I can easily understand why a person could get excited about playing a bassoon

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people’s minds.

Stupidity has a certain charm – ignorance does not

Art is making something out of nothing, and selling it.

Most rock journalism is people who can’t write, interviewing people who can’t talk, for people who can’t read.

Do you love it – do you hate it? There it is the way you made it

Schools train you to be ignorant with style […] they prepare you to be a usable victim for a military industrial complex that needs manpower. As long as you’re just smart enough to do a...

The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own

Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you’ve got any guts. Some of...

I searched for years I found no love. I’m sure that love will never be a product of plasticity.

In a fight between you and the world, pick the world

Information is not knowledge.Knowledge is not wisdom.Wisdom is not truth.Truth is not beauty.Beauty is not love.Love is not music.Music is THE BEST.

Most people wouldn’t know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

If classical music is the state of the art, then the arts are in a sad state

Well, I’m not here to impinge on anybody else’s lifestyle. If I’m in a place where I know I’m going to harm somebody’s health or somebody asks me to please not smoke, I just go...