The Americans have perfected weather forecasts: a model presents a model of the Earth, a map, and jabs at it with her pointer – here and here, this is going to happen. Voodoo.

Colorful characters are the odd shaped pieces that fill the holes in life’s puzzle.

They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in Heaven? Or is he in Hell? That damned, illusive pimpernel.

Sex, whatever else it is, is an athletic skill. The more you practice, the more you can, the more you want to, the more you enjoy it, the less it tires you.

The Classic Notting Hill junkie, i.e; Armani underwear, Pink’s shirt and Burberry belt tourniquets

Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music.

Idiocy in the modern age isn’t an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It’s a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.

Yes, you may ask my name but only if you can tell me: are your thighs as fine as a fresh, crisp morning in early July?

When I hear somebody talk about a horse or cow being stupid; I figure it’s a sure sign that the animal has somehow outfoxed them

And I think I’m underappreciated.

I kind of have to go to the bathroom,” Aria said woozily.Ezra smiled. “Can I come?

I’m living so far beyond my means that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Dor woke again as dawn came. The sun had somehow gotten around to the east, where the land was, and dried off so that it could shine again.

—Cuando me ponga en contacto con usted le propondré que nos tuteemos, ,le parece?—Encantado de haberte conocido.

Love may be on the horizon, but beware something wicked this way comes.

Erm…I don’t know maybe for kissing me and tasting so damn delicious, maybe for holding my hand in public, maybe for looking far too hot in that sexy, snug tee when you should just be...

I want a Zero Tolerance policy on All The Patriarchal Bullshit.

I wouldn’t have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best… But for some reason they were hell bent on teaching...

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”(The Decider, July 21, 2007)

You can’t always be right, but you can be wrong a lot less

Always dip your toe in the past before stepping into the future

As Samson demonstrated, going bald ruins lives.

I’m sorry to disturb you, madam,’ said Nurse, ‘but I thought I’d better speak to you. It’s about Miss Delia’s knickers’ she continued, after a glance at the Vicar and a rapid decision that his...

Bride of Beimerstetten, bride of Beimerstetten, bride of Beimerstetten, naked bride of Beimerstetten,” and he imagines a procession of proud military men blowing trumpets as they stomp through a bomb-devastated town to the tune of...

If he speaks again without me knowing who he is, I will throw him out of the window. And I won’t open it first.

I’m the top of my class, auntie, thank you, and I am very good. And now let us have a little talk about you, aunt, dear. How much money have you got, and have you...

The Major’s laughter boomed out again.”And I never kept a diary in my life!” he cried. “Why there’s enough cream in this situation to make a dishful of meringues. You and I, you know, the...

Bisexuals are really attracted to senior Lib Dems – as they are both a man and a great big pussy.

Jesus.

On peut rire de tout mais pas avec n’importe qui.

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.

How are we going to get out of here?””Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan.””Do we have the right plan?””Not yet.””Do we have any plan?””Not yet.

Or at least half price.” And he was gone again.

When I was done raking and bagging, I banged on the door and demanded entry /…let me in by the hair on your chinny, chin-chin/ (a fairytale moment there) Dick opened it and in his...

Remember: If you go for a walk with a friend in England, don’t say a single word for hours; if you go for a walk with your dog, talk to it all the time.

Y-naga: “That’s the thing… It’s like trying to find a guy who’s a kid at heart but still a responsible adult, so he can be counted on when I find myself in a pinch, somebody...

I was doing my little stand up shtick, the one I did for pretty girls, so they’d like me quickly and wouldn’t try too hard to actually get to know me beyond my role as...

You know, bullying,” her mother began. “I see it every day. Kids get bullied at school, they get cyber bullied, text bullied, Myface bullied.” “Oh, God!” Arista groaned. “It’s My Space or Facebook. Not Myface.

You going to stay in there all night, because we’re getting tired of trying to eavesdrop from out here. Can’t hear a damn thing.

Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it’s on the far side of the airlock.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Ready?” Aeron called over.Michael span to see him giving a thumbs up to the booth. His eye was drawn down to the huge war hammer hanging from his other hand.”How about we start with a...

I look in the glass sometimes at my two long, cylindrical bags (so picturesquely rugged about the knees), my stand-up collar and billycock hat, and wonder what right I have to go about making God’s...

We did photograph albums, best dresses, favourite novels, and once someone’s own novel. It was about a week in a telephone box with a pair of pyjamas called Adolf Hitler. The heroine was a piece...

Father was about to leave the house with his camera on his way to call for Mrs Walsh. They were going to a nearby park where, he said, he was planning to take her on...

Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. ‘Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.’ ‘Lola?’ squeaked Diamond. I wanted to warn her not to rise to the bait Xav was dangling...

She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.

Please, touch me, I pray.

I never sleep on the plane. I have to be awake and using my mind power to keep it in the air

Well, that explains why we jumped into bed with each other so quickly. We were both hornier than a bucket of desert toads.

Gomst’s mouth framed a ‘no’, but every other muscle in him said ‘yes’. You’d think priests would be better liars, what with their jobs and all.