I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

Are you one of his teammates?””Yeah,” Adam said, and it wasn’t a lie because according to some people, both he and Tony were playing for the other team. Which made them teammates of a sort.

The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things

That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh?

Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.

If you would feel comfortable going around to someone’s house at the end of a long day saying, “I’m just going to take my bra off,” you know you are intimate friends.

I left the warehouse at 8.00am. I don’t believe in 8.00am. It exists, though. 8.00am is incontrovertible evidence that evil dwells in the world.

the only way Bex would miss this would be if she were unconscious. And tied up. And in a concrete bunker. In Siberia.

You can label jam, you can’t label man

One minute you’re munching on a faerie plum the next minute you’re running naked down Madison Avenue with antlers on your head. Not,’ he added hastily, ‘that this has ever happened to me.

I do not dance,’ said Jean-Claude, who had forsworn that exercise for much the same reasons as Miss Stevenson.But here he spoke too soon, for Lady Dorothy Bingham, merciless to what she called ‘ballroom skulkers’,...

He’s in a side room alone with her and it’s far too fucking hot.

An overnight bag with the company logo – a white silhouette of a finch (which once perched on the curved back of a stallion representing cofounder, Orwell, but has now been ‘adjusted’) – sits motionless...

I don’t think I have the right parts to appreciate ’50 Shades of Grey’.

Michael and Luke met for the first time after 106 years – although the pair lived just 20 miles away from each other.

This was all splendid stuff for Luciaphils; it was amazing how at a first glance she recognised everybody. The gallery, too, was full of dears and darlings of a few weeks’ standing, and she completed...

I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation.

Other married people have lived together and hated each other. Why shouldn’t we? We may forget even to hate.

We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception. It’s liberating. But we...

And there shall come a kingdom in which the lion shall lie down with the lamb. Unfortunately for the lamb it shall be inside the lion!

You’re very lovely, gatita.”Her brows pulled together, and she gave him a skeptical stare.”Do not look at your master as if he’s an idiot.

You Englishmen,’ said Herr Wurter. ‘You are all the same. Wherever you are you behave as if you were at home and your word was law.

The brain can be a dangerous thing. Even more so if you haven’t got one.

Il ne faut pas avoir peur de regarder les choses en face. La vie est le résultat de la malpropreté. Si la nature avait été bien tenue, la vie ne serait jamais apparue. La vie...

And here, I believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in desiring another to kiss your a– for having just before threatened to kick his; for I have observed very accurately, that...

Yeah, you’re a regular Mozart…well, except for the whole music thing.

Christmas, as a practicing Catholic child, was seen as a reward for lots and lots and lots of church.

……

Two minutes worth of signal analysis told me all I needed to know. This station “talks” to the dark matter universe about what goes on inside.How did you cobble together a jammer so quickly?I had...

Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat?

There are various methods by which you may achieve ignominy and shame. By murdering a large and respected family in cold blood and afterward depositing their bodies in the water companies’ reservoir, you will gain...

Everyday has its unique blessings.

Casting my own eye down Fifth Avenue as my belly swelled, I would register with incredulity: Every one of these people came from a woman’s cunt.

It may not feel too classy, begging just to eat But you know who does that?Lassie, and she always gets a treat So you wonder what your part is Because you’re homeless and depressed But...

I stroke a finger over my own top button, undo it, then let my hand drop with an exaggerated sigh. “It’s not quite the same,” I declare, “ripping my own clothes off.

there isn’t. But there was going to be when I began it. It’s just that something happened to it on the way.

She’s become a Russian again, he thought. When something works, she’s grateful. When it doesn’t work, it’s life.

You’re asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That’s adorable.

He wanted to start from the top while he knew nothing of the beginning and that was why he was always swimming at the bottom. He liked to think he was an entrepreneur and was...

Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.

I’m sorry I’m so pathetic,” he thought, and then realized he had also said it.Beth laughed, so lightly and so kindly that Denis felt it in his chest, not his stomach.Can I tell you a...

He had no problem with flies or bugs or beetles, even creepy ones like earwigs and cockroaches…Six legs were fine, but eight were alien and unnatural.’The same number of legs as four fully-grown serial killers!

What if,” replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, “we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to shield the words from public view?

LORD ILLINGWORTH: The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life.MRS ALLONBY: And the body is born young and grows old. That is life’s tragedy.

There is hardly less torment in running a family than in running a country.

Valuable and ingenious he might be, thought Jack, fixing him with his glass, but false he was too, and perjured. He had voluntarily sworn to have no truck with vampires, and here, attached to his...

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other.About Alex and Brittany.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

We Slovenians are even better misers than you Scottish. You know how Scotland began? One of us Slovenians was spending too much money, so we put him on a boat and he landed in Scotland.