Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept...

I have chiseled features. Look. Look how chiseled they are. And my teeth are at least as white as his. You seriously think he’s good-lookin’?””I do,” said Tanith.”Right,” Sanguine said and nodded. “I’m gonna kill...

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that ‘You’ are not worth him/her.

You go to church to respect God, not the priest. By not going to church, you disrespect God, not the priest. – Don Camillo

WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?” The end kind of trailed off in a shrill, choking warble.

Humor is what happens when we’re told the truth quicker and more directly than we’re used to.

Is that a trick question?

I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.

Maxim 4: Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Corvid looked up at her. “Oh, hello Doris.””Gertie, dear,” she said. “They call me Gertie.””You used to be Doris,” Corvid said as a matter of fact.”Who?” She seemed unsure of what she was being told.”Doris,...

Its done.’ Penteluck announced and scooped some onto a spoon for Zayne to drink.’No chance, you first. You’re already dead it won’t kill you if you drink it.’Penteluck frowned. ‘Zayne I’m already dead, how will...

Resilience, thy name is Devine.

I had always been warned that American didn’t always get sarcasm

I violently dislike you,’ she said, and then she was gone, slamming the door and leaving a sort of shocked silence behind.

It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs.

I suppose it’s not a social norm, and not a manly thing to do — to feel, discuss feelings. So that’s what I’m giving the finger to. Social norms and stuff…what good are social norms,...

CUSTOMER: I don’t know why she wants it, but my wife asked for a copy of The Dinosaur Cookbook.BOOKSELLER: The Dinah Shore Cookbook?

I wasn’t saying whatever they’re saying I was saying. I’m sorry I said it really. I never meant it to be a lousy anti-religious thing. I apologize if that will make you happy. I still...

It’s a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it’s one of the slowest songs I can think of. You’d have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor...

You don’t scare me, Cadence Jones. I’ve lived with crazy, I’ve ridden with crazy, I’ve vacationed with crazy, I’ve visited crazy in various hospitals, I’ve sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think...

110, 111 whatever it takes!”Michael Keaton character in Mr. Mom

You set fire to my house, killed my family, and ate my dog. But steal my boyfriend? That’s a step too far.

Another oral exam, huh?’ Peter said.’Shut up, Peter,’ said Valentine.’You should relax and enjoy it,’ said Peter. ‘It could be worse.”I don’t know how.”It could be an anal exam.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

Indifference is the revenge the world takes on mediocrities.

I don’t know why Kate was trying to impress him, as far as I could see the guy had all the allure and social grace of a psychotic slug with halitosis and a bad head...

She often felt like she had been cast in a supportingrole with the film that was Louise. And there was more melodrama to be found there than a full-scale Merchant-Ivory period production. Tonight, she was...

Everywhere that we looked, were objects & artifacts reminiscent of a bygone age. of war & destruction, of mankind’s determination to rule his neighbour, to prove how mighty he and his people are, yet a...

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did.

Nothing can be more notorious than the calumnies and invectives with which the wisest measures and most virtuous characters of The United States have been pursued and traduced [By American Newspapers]

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait — no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

Aim towards enemy.” – instructions on U.S. rocket launcher

I don’t “lol”. I tried it once but it just didn’t agree with me.

Frank couldn’t breathe underwater.But where was he?Percy turned in a full circle. Nothing. Then he glanced up. Hovering above him was a giant goldfish. Frank had turned -clothes, backpack, and all- into a koi the...

If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell

Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of...

Oh, Mel, don’t worry. I’ve been hunting with your husband—the deer are completely safe.

Again he shook his head. The world’s gone mad, he thought. The dead walk about and I think nothing of it. The return of corpses has become trivial in import. How quickly one accepts the...

I’m not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

Well, don’t expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were… what was the word… deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.

penilosophy.

MmmmmmI like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? Speaking? Yeah, I dig it

I envy the man to snatch him up. This will be the only time in life I’m siding with Freud and experiencing ‘penis envy’. There will never be a repeat. Can’t be associated with too...

You can take that needle out of my leg now. I’d like to pull up my pants.

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn’t obey the rules.

So you’re a Shadowhunter,’ Nate said. ‘De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.”Was that before or after he tried to eat you?’ Will inquired.

Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people

Putting a damp spoon back in the bowl is the tea-drinking equivalent of sharing a needle. And I did not want to end up with the tea-drinking equivalent of AIDS.

…And of course they’ll get their milk from us, because Gooch’s milk in the village really can’t be trusted. I do hope, Henry, the vicarage drains are all right if Martin is to go there,...