I’m currently drinking a coffee cup full of yesterday and thinking about tomorrow. My past is so dark it makes me think my future could use some cream.

I’m Reginald Clark, I’m afraid of the darkSo please do not close this book on me.

Why fly in a space ship when you can just park it in my driveway? I’ll even move my tricycle to the bathtub, to heighten your showering experience. Who says I’m not romantic?

Unoka went into an inner room and soon returned with a small wooden disc containing a kola nut, some alligator pepper and a lump of white chalk. “I have kola,” he announced when he sat...

I don’t like to think of it as ‘stolen’. They have no proof that I didn’t plan on giving it back.””You’re kidding, right?”He shrugged. “You have no proof either.”She squinted back at him. “Were you...

Amy let him lead her to the dance area. She gasped when he immediately tugged her body against his. Clearly Erik had not learned the dance rules taught at St. Francis High School. He didn’t...

I believe men belong in the garage, because that’s where the dog food is stored. And the band is kept there. Auditions start after I move the car.

All hen are created equal but some have more feather than others.

The rooftop of the mouth is where the chest must sing love songs.

This is the pen that was first used to write down these words. This is history. This happened. Now, go write your own history. But use another pen, because this one’s not only super glued...

You thought I didn’t notice the way you two looked at each other? I may be old but I’m not blind. I remember thatfeeling. The spark, the electricity… ”I had to interject before I got...

Just because it’s old, doesn’t mean it’s gold.

It’s been my experience that people always assume that generalized anxiety disorder is preferable to social anxiety disorder, because it sounds more vague and unthreatening, but those people are totally wrong. For me, having generalized...

We came around the corner and stood in the doorway of what looked like a paint-testing ground. This was where we proved once and for all that we were good loving parents. We decided to...

18 is like two snoozes back to back, or the birthday of two clones, blindfolded, standing back to back.

I had a dream about you. I was drinking a cup of coffee, and you were a cup of coffee in the process of taking over a man. I thought I was consuming you, but...

The best man day in the world would involve building a bridge and then blowing up that bridge. Which is why you can’t make a better man movie than The Bridge on the River Kwai,...

There is a fascination here that holds rich and poor, strong and weak captive,not with chains and fetters but by an almost touchable solace…

…now Eli was my new neighbor. Which was fine with me because I sucked at Math. Math and I were not on speaking terms.

I drove your lunch to work, and I parked it in my stomach.

DI Cartwright: The cat is booby trapped? DI Quill: Welcome to my world.

Both things have pros, and both have cons, but I think the pros and cons equal out leaving me unequal to the task of choosing.

My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

I like to see an angry Englishman,” said Poirot. “They are very amusing. The more emotional they feel the less command they have of language.

But you’ve always used words so wordily in crafty defense of your Trinity, although He never needed such defense before you got Him from me as a Unity.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, a family is defined as two or more people living together who are related by birth, marriage or adoption. In other words, the U.S. Census Bureau is run by...

I drink sleep, but not like I drink coffee. I chug one and sip the other.

Labels are necessary, for dating purposes. I’m not talking about gay versus straight. I’m talking about milk versus its expiration.

If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.

Two things I learned a long time ago, Cate: Don’t hold a grudge longer than it takes to work your way through a pan of brownies all by yourself, and don’t begrudge someone an apology...

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

Anxiously, he touched the lump on his head again, then felt his injured leg, groaning. “The whole affair is a mystery to me,” he said. “Who would want to steal anything from me?” “Perhaps a...

Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.

So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you’ll...

When life’s got you down, keep your head up… you can’t see the ground anyway

It’s the bane of my existence.”- Beth and Jake

I felt like one of Apollo’s sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.

As a rule of thumb, hitchhiking is no fun. If you’re going to stand around waiting to move, you may as well get paid to hold a pawnshop sign.

If a snake was covered in musical scales, rather than nonsensical fur, then I’d like to pet it with my ears while I sleep for just a few more minutes.

Dragons breathe fire, but what if fire breathed dragons? I make love like that—instead of it being hot, it’s cold and scaly.

Persistent smile brings out hollow dimples, and persistent frowns brings out hollow wrinkles.

We shouldn’t judge people. But there’s a difference between judging and observing. And sometimes as we observe, our eyebrows become raised. Observation with an attitude, that’s what I like to call it.

An original idea. That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them.

In this sad world I can never be sure. Of that I am certain.

He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he’s good. And he’s right—he’s not good.

I stepped in gum. It was just floating on the water.

Who was the moron on the phone?””Carl Avery,” Kate said. “A long-standing client and potential felon.

As far as I’m concerned, if something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.