How are you feeling?”I leaned away from him. “Gross.”Aiden frowned. “Gross?””I haven’t brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don’t come near me.”He laughed. “Alex, come on.””Seriously, I’m gross.” I put my hand...

Don’t fucking quote me!

—Then, said Cranly, you do not intend to become a protestant?—I said that I had lost the faith, Stephen answered, but not that I had lost self-respect. What kind of liberation would that be to...

The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at...

Nothing is more romantic than being able to park in a handicapped spot.”

I started out on a treadmill—and I just did my first marathon. And all while sitting in a wheelchair.

My friends never seem to yell at their kids. Even when their kids are behaving hideously, they pull them aside and say, now sweetie, you know you shouldn’t, blah, blah, blah. Please don’t yadda, yadda,...

It was a family joke that Lydia’s domestic tendencies were somehow misplaced when she was created.

[Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie’s function in his life. She was God’s joke on him.

The next morning I had Twentieth-Century American Poetry at MCC. This old woman gave a lecture wherein she managed to talk for ninety minutes about Sylvia Plath without ever once quoting a single word of...

I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming pool.

My name is Sam (my name is Am), and I am my own fan. I’m a clone of Jarod Kintz, and he supports my message.

I watch my feet as I walk along. Left, right, left, right, why is everything about politics?

If you enjoy sticking a straw in a dog’s ear, don’t sit next to the pooch with a milkshake.

John shrugged. “It always seemed silly to me to desire a woman who cannot converse any better than a sheep.”Belle leaned forward, her eyes glittering mischievously. “Really? I would have thought you’d prefer such a...

She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach’s Air on the G string.

And if Germans do have systematic minds, this is just as likely to be because their exceedingly erratic mother tongue has exhausted their brains’ capacity to cope with any further irregularity

Write your goals down on a sheet of paper. That way you can easily flip the page over and ignore them.

I restrain myself from following orders—especially restraining orders. I’d like to remind my dad that my love is longer than 500 feet.

Love, it’ll make you feel better before it’ll make you feel worse. So it’s like inverse medicine.

She was of traditional build herself, but her figure was largely concealed by the folds of a generously cut shift dress made out of a flecked green fabric. It was like a tent, thought Mma...

All I’m trying to say is that if you’re not willing to observe this, if you’re just going to condemn it, you’re never going to see it. It’s there, whether you like it or not....

Wesley went everywhere with me from then on. I even wrapped him in baby blankets and held him in my arms while grocery shopping, to keep him warm during the first cold winter. Occasionally someone...

Have a little sociological beano. As you said – in sociology one can do anything and call it work.

A triangle has three points, just like the number of horns my ex had (she was 50% more evil than Satan).

When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first taking off my bunny ears.

Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was before my time too, because I didn’t have a watch, and I hadn’t been born yet.

Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat.”I grinned. “I’ve noticed.”Reyn’s face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. “It’s an equestrian term.””Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.

It’s just another of Robin’s sayings. Like, ‘Holy strawberries, Batman, we’re in a jam! Or, Holy Kleenex, Batman, it was right under our nose and we blew it!

As Richard has pointed out on several occasions, I subscribe to the irregular verb theory of life: I am a trained investigator, you have a healthy curiosity, she/he is a nosy parker.

Someday is not a day of the week.

I never saw quite so wretched an example of what a sea-faring life can do: but to a degree, I know it is the same with them all; they are all knocked about, and exposed...

The speaker was so boring that he put me to sleep. But he didn’t stop talking, so I had to wake up and tell him to keep his voice down, or stop talking altogether, while...

I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).

It seems only fair,” Matthew continued. “A bit of karma, if you will.” He twirled the stake again. “Shall we see how long you scream?””Are you ever going to shut up?” I snapped, fear and...

I’m a guy.

Here’s to our enduring sisterhood. May it bind us together more tightly that the Lycra in my Spanx underpants.

JP shouted, “TELL THEM WHAT YOU JUST DID TO EACH OTHER!””Um,” I said.”We kissed,” the Duke said.”That’s kinda gay,” Keun said.”I AM A GIRL.””Yeah, I know, but so is Tobin,” Keun said.

I’m taller in tolerance than I am in height. Barely. I’m only 6’3, so I apologize for not being more understanding.

A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth...

I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none of the politicians. You can burn my house, but don’t you dare burn my coffee.

Let’s carpe the hell out of this diem.

A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel’s End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door...

See, I’m a great believer in the power of negative thought. And in an age of affirmation, of self-help and self-love, of the rebirth of wide-eyed idealism and the power of positive thinking — I’m...

I alternate between feeling sympathetic toward humanity and being a misanthrope. When I’m sympathetic, it usually means I haven’t been around people in awhile.

Love has a sound, if you know what to listen for. It sounds like silence, surrounded by blindness. It’s the Helen Keller of emotions, at least for me.

I toss and turn so much in my sleep that the very act of sleeping must be exhausting for me. Sleeping makes me want to sleep even more.

Orafoura said to give love to the dragonflies. But only after you kill the dragons. And the flies.

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

Besides my professional goals, I have a couple of private ones, my man. One of those is to pet a kangaroo before I leave Australia. I understand there’s lots of Eastern Grays around this area....