We made love like two shy people who acted like we’ve never acted in front of a camera before. Aside from the lead actor, I was also the producer, director, cameraman, and financier.

I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.

We all long for something. Midgets long to be long, but I long to belong.

You can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they do life’s menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor washing dishes, and I could immediately tell that he was an adulterer by...

I don’t care if some monkey is rippin’ your eyeballs out with rusty nails! YOU STARE UP FRONT AT ATTENTION! RIGHT THERE! IS THAT CLEAR!

Energy equals staff times the speed of life scared.

Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort

The two coolest names would be Stewart Stuart, and Stuart Stewart. For a woman, it would make normal sex feel like a threesome.

As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.

the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter.” Thanks, Wikipedia!

I don’t just watch TV all day long. I also listen.

Ginny!” said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. “Haven’t I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain?

Please don’t die.

It’s me,” a deep voice rumbled.The hands released me and I turned. There stood Derek, all six foot of him. Maybe it was just the thrill of seeing him, but he looked better than I...

There is wisdom in turning as often as possible from the familiar to the unfamiliar: it keeps the mind nimble, it kills prejudice, and it fosters humor.

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don’t.

The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell them to wait until they’re 18 to start living life.

On savings: A dollar here, a dollar there. Over time, it adds up to two dollars.

Alas! Earwax!

Motivational Secret of the Week. When the dancing starts, don’t worry about what others will think of you, just get up and leave.

I’d seriously contemplated a real collar – a sparkly green one – if only because I was sure it would offend his dignity.

Winter is nature’s way of sitting on the sofa and not doing a damn thing. When love grows cold, maybe it’s just impersonating January.

What’s your name?’ she asked, and surprised herself. But for some reason, she wanted to know.Dean’s brother—he hadn’t been just some nameless Bad Guy Number Four. This vampire wasn’t, either. He had a name, a...

I’m twice as old as she is tall. She’s half my age in height. We have a David and Goliath kind of love.

The duchess turned on Eugène with one of those insolent stares that envelop a man from head to foot, flatten him out, and leave him at zero.

Yeah, but the lost diadem,” said Michael Corner, rolling his eyes, “is lost, Luna. That’s sort of the point.

In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very bad in my own small way.I don’t think you should be so proud of that, though I am sure it must have been very...

When I am alone, my table manners are rather piggish, but i suppose that’s because I don’t eat at a table, I eat at my desk. Which could be considered a table, except we tend...

I like how cats’ ears can flip inside out. It’s as if they’re saying, Keep talking, human, but I’m not even listening.

He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap.”Ah,” he said. “Must deactivate the security….Turn around, please.””What?””Turn around, Claire. It’s a secure password!””You have GOT to be...

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?

See, far above arrogance and selfishness on the rankings of undesirable Lifestyle traits, topping the lengthy list of carnal sins, occupying its very own stratosphere of unforgivablereprehensibility, is lying. Without question, fibbing is the fastest...

Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore.

From Olsen’s Nation: “Through the power of our diplomacy, a world that was once divided about how to deal with Iran’s nuclear program now stands as one. Standing as one, the world now sincerely regrets...

Writer’s block is only a failure of the ego.

Izzy. Sweet, beautiful, but eternally strange Izzy.

To love is easy, to be in a relationship is extremely difficult.

I know all about insanity. It’s not that bad once you beat up everyone who teases you about it.

We love ourselves notwithstanding our faults, and we ought to love our friends in like manner.

Merlin’s beard.

I’d rather be weird than ordinary. Ordinary is so boring.

I like remembering her as she was—a fantasy of the future.

I don’t think we are cut out to be evil sorcerers, brothers,” said Fentongoose. “If we were truly evil, we would not feel such sorrow at the deaths of our friends. We would just go,...

Typical Xochi, leaving out important, death-related details.

The only woman I’d want to go on a blind date with is Helen Keller. Maybe we could meet for coffee and I could listen while she doesn’t all the talking.

Get it, Harry? We saw Uranus — ha ha ha —

Writing poetry and reading books causes brain damage.

Horst passed him a bottle he had picked up in his rapid trip from there to here. Remarkably, it’s contents had survived the transit. “Drink this,” he said, unmoved by Cabal’s anger. “You need to...

Don’t make me cover your face with a pillow until you see my side of things.””Isn’t that called murder?

The back door popped open, and Claire, fairy wings all a-flutter, pulled Miranda inside. It was like a military operation, only with one hundred percent less camouflage.