I’m going to go out on a limb and say that’s the best place to hang a noose. More politicians need to be sticking their necks out for us.

Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, “You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.

Home. The word circled comfortably in my mouth like bubble gum, swished around sweetly soft and satisfying. Home. Try saying it aloud to yourself. Home. Isn’t it like taking a bite of something lovely? If...

Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?

I ate leftover karate chops, before they could smash through the Styrofoam container holding them.

The paradise in women is not the v-shape manipulation between their legs, or the two lovely bombs, set on their bosom that can blast any strong, holy spirit filled individual, but that part of her...

Either you go to America with Mrs. Van Hopper or you come home to Manderley with me.””Do you mean you want a secretary or something?””No, I’m asking you to marry me, you little fool.

I serve the people. Am I a politician? No, I’m just a greedy and corrupt waiter.

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is...

I introduced myself as the man who’d introduce her to her future husband. Then I called over my clone, knowing full well that after they’d fallen in love and gotten engaged, I was going to...

Until work has reached its previous stage nympharium privileges are denied to all.

The Butcher of Babylon featured in over 500 porn films between 1974 and 1982, and was best known for his motto: Come for the butcher, stay for the meat.

Love means never to have to say, “That hooker meant nothing to me” – Jonathan “Jack” McVoy

Rob opened the door, and a tiny kitten ran out. It stopped to sniff Rob‟s ankle and arched its back, spitting tiny kitty defiance at him. Rob scooped it up. The tiny black bundle barely...

Let us find the dam snack bar,” Zoe said. “We should eat while we can.”Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?””Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face....

I went on a road trip with my cat, Cap’n. I would have let him drive, but he was drunk.

Oh God”, Nate dropped his head down on the arm of the couch next to Si. “Has my love life really been reduced to talking to my cat about this?” Si just licked his whiskers...

I am very much out of my element here. There are moments, listening to the conversations going on around me, when I feel I am going to lose my mind. Earlier today, I heard someone...

I’m feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another.

I run my household like a marathon. That’s 26.2 miles of me taking orders from my significant other, who has significantly more control over the relationship than I do.

You’re a stalker with hooves.””I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.

What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He’s a loser—that’s why he’s number two.

As we reached the wooded hill that led to the pipe, Cheater said, “Uh-oh.””What’s wrong?” I asked.”Is anyone here thinking about kicking the crap out of me?” he asked.”Not me,” I said.”Me either,” Lucky said.”Maybe...

Vampires have credit cards?””We’re undead, not Amish.

In my opinion, too much attention to weather makes for instability of character.

He was dashing. He wasn’t handsome—he was running.

Okay,” I said. “Just a normal afternoon and two normal people.”She nodded. “And so…hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?””Oh…”...

Cap’n just jumped on the bed and says we should take a nap. And who am I to argue?

I had a dream about you. You were two chickens away from being duck soup, and I was a fork and a knife shy of being able to eat you.

Don’t even think about it.””Well, when can I walk by myself?””When you get your driver’s license.””You always, always say that.” Dillie scowled at him. “That’s when everything happens.””It’s going to be a busy day,” Phin...

On the board, Mr. Beery had written “Those who don’t remember history are doomed to repeat it.” I wasn’t sure if this was meant to be inspirational, thematic, or a joke about making sure to...

I’m a party animal. And that animal is a bear, during the winter months.

Before I could lose my courage, I said, “Don’t I get a kiss for luck? It’s kind of a tradition, right?”I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the...

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person’s teenage years lasted well into their fifties.

I am often slow in catching up to the times, but even so, I still cannot even grip this idea: With nothing more than pitocin in your IV drip, you can sooner control the date...

I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

Dr. Pervy-PantsDr. DepravityDr. Ain’t-Puttin’-OutDr. Bossy-as-FuckDr. Obsessive-CompulsiveDr. KinkybonesDr. DeviantDr. Oh-So-Proper-I-Iron-My-JeansDr. Lick-My-BootsDr. Smug-as-ShitDr. Love-Me-Love-My-Butt-NozzleDr. Damn-Your-Dick-is-Motherfucking-BigDr. Full-of-ShitDr. Smack-a-LotDr. Ruined-Me-For-Anyone-Else

Whatever doesn’t kill them, makes them make reality TV shows…

Oh, Hazel is awesome,” Don Said. “She’s so nice! All the other campers are like ‘Go away Don.’ But she’s like ‘Please go away, Don.’ I love her!

A counterfeit is a knock off. A cat’s tail swiping a knickknack placed perilously close to the edge of a shelf is also a knock off. How do you think my heart got broken?

Feel free to become a slave to your own clone. And mine. Remember, you can never have too many lovers who look exactly the same as me.

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

You stupid piece of warm bacon.

The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had a little brother who was a midget, you could find him residing in...

Dave put a lot of thought into picking out the books his dad would like least.

I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals.

My fate is sealed, like a new jar of peanut butter, but that doesn’t mean it has to be crunchy.

I’ve noticed that when people are joking they’re usually dead serious, and when they’re serious, they’re usually pretty funny.

Henry KissingerHow I’m missing yerYou’re the Doctor of my dreamsWith your crinkly hair and your glassy stareAnd your Machiavellian schemesI know they say that you are very vainAnd short and fat and pushyBut at least...