In heaven an angel is no one in particular.

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

My religious convictions and scientific views cannot at present be more specifically defined than as those of a believer in creative evolution. I desire that no public monument or work of art or inscription or...

The weak may not be admired and hero-worshipped; but they are by no means disliked or shunned; and they never seem to have the least difficulty in marrying people who are too good for them....

The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.

Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. May not one lost soul be permitted to abstain?

Gentle Jesus, meek and mild’ is a snivelling modern invention, with no warrant in the gospels.

Spisovateľ je človek, ktorému nestačia knihy tých druhých.

How we lavish our money and worship on Shakespeare without in the least knowing why!

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

Schools and schoolmasters, as we have them today, are not popular as places of education and teachers, but rather prisons and turnkeys in which children are kept to prevent them disturbing and chaperoning their parent.

You’ll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.

There’s only one way of escaping trouble; and that’s killing things.” Henry Higgins, Act V, Pygmalion

Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

I finished my first book seventy-six years ago. I offered it to every publisher on the English-speaking earth I had ever heard of. Their refusals were unanimous: and it did not get into print until,...

Life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible...

Patriotism is, fundamentally, a conviction that a particular country is the best in the world because you were born in it….

COKANE [looking compassionately at him] Ah, my dear fellow, the love of money is the root of all evil. LICKCHEESE. Yes, sir; and we’d all like to have the tree growing in our garden.

Nobody could stand an eternity of Heaven.

I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always...

The man with toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound.The poverty stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.

An author who gives a manager or publisher any rights in his work except those immediately and specifically required for its publication or performance is for business purposes an imbecile.

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

And if I am further pressed to declare straightforwardly whether I mean to disparage these authorities [who criticize Ibsen], I reply, pointedly, that I do. I affirm that such criticisms are written by men who...

A photographer is like a cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.

My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned...

When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. But when they are away, we console ourselves for their absence by...

At present there is not a single credible established religion in the world.

Cruelty would be delicious if one could only find some sort of cruelty that didn’t really hurt.

CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it’s my business to tell other people the truth; but it’s not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it:...

You see things; you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say ‘Why not?

Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity, and fashion will drive them to acquire any custom.

Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.

Heaven is the most angelically dull place in all creation

The American white relegates the black to the rank of shoeshine boy; and he concludes from this that the black is good for nothing but shining shoes.

Criminals do not die by the hands of the law. They die by the hands of other men.

Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me.

I’m not a teacher: only a fellow traveler of whom you asked the way. I pointed ahead – ahead of myself as well as you.

A tragic situation exists precisely when virtue does NOT triumph but when it is still felt that man is nobler than the forces which destroy him.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a...

Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that...

Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error.

Loyalty in a critic is corruption.

But I cant stand saying one thing when everyone knows I mean another. Whats the use in such hypocrisy? If people arrange the world that way for women, theres no good pretending it’s arranged the...

The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and all time.

You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.