Those who cannot dance, should not dance.

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

My mother always used to say, “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.

Mom has the Touch. She knows what flowers go with what occasions, what hors d’oeuvres work with what people. She believes passionately in the power of food to heal, restore, and stimulate relationships, and she...

It hardly ever works if they don’t know you’ve done it.

I make love like a half an hour minus 27 minutes. If you’re as bad in bed as I am in math, that’s roughly four minutes. And I do mean rough.

Senses of humor define people, as factions, deeper rooted than religious or political opinions. When carrying out everyday tasks, opinions are rather easy to set aside, but those whom a person shares a sense of...

I crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the garbage. Then I quickly snatched it out, because hell, I’d just tossed out a Frank Gehry knockoff. What you call trash, I call...

And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.

The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one!

Think that street lingo was the street lingo about eight decades ago, Hanna. So now it’s just lingo.

Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance?Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept.

Never underestimate the fury of an angry mother, Caspar. They’re the most vicious creatures in the world.

What happened to your tan?”–Fang”It was dirt.” –Max

My love is expansive. Your love is expensive.

I’m not the one going for a biology degree. I’m just a philosophy major who eats people.

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.

I look at the check once more and then fold and tuck it into my bra. It’s not every day a girl gets to be up close and personal with this much money.

Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.

And, beginning to grind his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovich admitted that he’d been a fool–but only to himself, of course.

You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.

I have a hangover and a headache. It’s called my conscience.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

Severe isn’t a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns…No one responds ‘severe’ when someone asks how her cold is.In fact, nine out of ten Americans respond to ‘How’s...

If you don’t realize a deja vu, you have to realize you’re creating a deja vu

Sometimes I notice I’m demented, especially at sunset.

He runs his eye along the row of knives in their racks, the cleavers for splitting bones. He picks one up, looks at its edge, decides it needs sharpening and says, “Do you think I...

Let’s get you into a room and conduct our own chemistry experiment,” he said against my lips.”Or maybe we’ll just find a table to bend you over, since chemists do it on a table… periodically.””Mmm....

We think a wise person is someone who solves problems. Truth is, a wise person is someone who avoids problems.

If that phone ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you” Randy Travis

Can you define “plan” as “a loose sequence of manifestly inadequate observations and conjectures, held together by panic, indecision, and ignorance”? If so, it was a very good plan.

If I were hairy, would you vacuum my chest before we made love? I’d probably have enough chip crumbs in it to feed the homeless, because I’m a charitable kind of guy.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

I once saw a baby make a boom-boom in his diaper, and I thought, I didn’t know infants could be terrorists.

The ‘coons had enjoyed a real party, and my trashcan had been the piñata! They’d obviously indulged in an evening of feasting on our wares and then staggered off the property loaded up with our...

That’s the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they’re all pussies, each and every one of ’em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How...

She’s a girl after my own heart. Food first, conversation later.

I had a dream about you. I walked by and you whistled like I was a piece of meat. And I was a piece of meat—I was a thin slice of ham. You were two...

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.

If I had three magic wishes, I’d use the first wish for one more, to replace the one I just wasted wishing for something I already had.

Every so often I would look at my women friends who were happily married and didn’t cook, and I would always find myself wondering how they did it. Would anyone love me if I couldn’t...

I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents’ prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .

Whats on my mind? I think the question is, where is my mind?

I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills.

He is not a man wedded to action, Boleyn, but rather a man who stands by, smirking and stroking his beard; he thinks he looks enigmatic, but instead he looks as if he’s pleasuring himself.

I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate.

Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.

They had not been long there before Lord Dumbello did group himself. ‘Fine day,’ he said, coming up and occupying the vacant position by Miss Grantly’s elbow.’We were driving to-day and we thought it rather...

I was just about to pull out the gun for you to play single-player Russian Roulette.

I like sex to be intense. I also like sex to be in tents.