Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as “Thank God its Friday” (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive “its” (no apostrophe) with...

Out of all the guys she could love, I am two of them. But she chose my clone over me and that hurts. And it feels good.

You weren’t being thick after all — you were showing moral fiber!

You will leave now,” said Grdankl the Strong. “Go! Do not be afraid! If you die, it is okay!

Despite your delusions to the contrary, swingers, by and large, are a civilized lot. We come in all ages, shapes, sizes, nationalities, and ethnicities. We have differing beliefs, varying opinions, IQs, and senses of humor....

My mother always used to say, “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.

Take a guy who can walk on water, who can raise people from the dead, who can look at you and tell you what you had for breakfast…if a guy like that can’t find twelve...

Your romantic effusions leave me breathless.

As soon as they grow that genitalia, intelligence goes right out the window and we’re left with this thing that just wants to stick it in any hole.

Senses of humor define people, as factions, deeper rooted than religious or political opinions. When carrying out everyday tasks, opinions are rather easy to set aside, but those whom a person shares a sense of...

Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.

I don’t just want to be the best in my field, I also want to be the greenest.

The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one!

Yeah, sure.

Bad improvisers block action, often with a high degree of skill. Good improvisers develop action.”(p.115)

Much of the Kama Sutra is like origami; I don’t quite understand all the bending that needs to happen.

What happened to your tan?”–Fang”It was dirt.” –Max

Skupljanje hrane nesumnjivo je bilo na prvom mjestu ženskih dužnosti budući da je taj zadatak održavao pleme na životu. Ni u jednom se trenutku pretpovijesne žene s djecom ili bez nje nisu oslanjale na svoje...

I prefer to let my voice do all the talking for me.

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them.

Finding the book was like kissing a lightning bolt.

You took your clothes off?””You didn’t notice?””No! Jeez Louise, I don’t even know you.””If you look under the covers, you’ll know me better.””I don’t want to know you better!””That’s a big fib,” Diesel said.

A peaceful wave came over me, and I thought, Thank God I’m holding my breath.

You mean other than the wings? I once ate nine snicker bars in a row without barfing. It was a record.

Never give up hope! If you do, you be dead already.

Love like you owe nothing, and pay in full.

Severe isn’t a word normally associated with a cold. Severe is for weather or third-degree burns…No one responds ‘severe’ when someone asks how her cold is.In fact, nine out of ten Americans respond to ‘How’s...

Big lots,’ I said, seeing the eighty-year-old oaks and shady lawns. The houses were set way back and had iron fences and stone drives. The harder to hear your neighbors scream, my dear,’ was David’s...

She’s a librarian, Sim said. They’re not teachers; don’t give you half as much hassle. If there’s a fire in the school and I’ve got to choose who I’m gonna save – a teacher or...

People as a rule do mean much more than they understand.

He runs his eye along the row of knives in their racks, the cleavers for splitting bones. He picks one up, looks at its edge, decides it needs sharpening and says, “Do you think I...

It was in this pub he’d learnt that, contrary to the belief of the majority of those laying bets, it is possible to flatten a hundred frogs with a hammer in less than thirty seconds....

A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as...

If that phone ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you” Randy Travis

Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint.

Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

I have nothing to hide, because I have nothing. Well, I do have love for you, but I keep that openly safe in your boyfriend’s heart.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Okay. I’m not a white male. At least, not predominantly so. And as I mentioned before, I’m in an environment right now where race is really important. See, Chinese men are not that physically intimidating....

When I was in the second grade, I used to think love was the feeling a man gets while riding a motorcycle and having a woman embrace him tightly from behind. Maybe I’m cynical now,...

That’s the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they’re all pussies, each and every one of ’em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How...

Humans had spent thousands of years climbing out of caves and building technology so they could reach the moon and live in caves again.

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced?

Love is like a river flowing through your heart. I’ll bring the boat, if you bring the bridge.

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.

I have only two wishes,” said Jean. “The first is for strong coffee, and the second is for stronger coffee.

A blanket could be used as a duvet, in the fight against elitism.

I like Dancing of Indian girls more than my parents’ prayers . Because they dance with love and passion . But my parents just say their prayers because they got used to it .

You were the one who threatened us with an Inquisitor,” the Bishop reminded him. With a smile.The Speaker’s smile was just as chilly. “And you’re the one who told the people I was Satan and...