Some actors get fired up by the sound of the audience. I just want to retreat.

Just because I murdered a man—my boss—doesn’t mean I deserve to be fired. In fact, as I see it and saw it, I should be promoted for showing initiative and seeing an opportunity and opening...

Women, they’re great for keeping the bed warm and the coffee hot. They’re also good at other things, like my job, which is why I’ll soon be fired—which is a bit too hot for me.

Love is me plus you. But what’s with the midget in the corner recording all of our interactions? I thought I fired him yesterday.

I wore a long white dress shirt and no pants, so it looked like a white dress. I felt like a bride in love. Well, at least until my boss fired me.

It has been rumored that we have fired scud missiles into Kuwait. I am here now to tell you, we do not have any scud missiles and I don’t know why they were fired into...

It’s definitely a tough blow to your morale to get fired.

I have had hundreds of people work for me over the years, and I don’t think I ever fired anybody.

Get fired, no one will call you a quitter.

I am still in shock and awe at being fired.

A good server knows how to be seen, yet remain invisible. I was a great server, and I achieved invisibility by never showing up for work. My boss ended up firing me, probably over petty...