Second: them poor things well out o’ this, and never no more will I interfere with Mrs. Cruncher’s flopping, never no more!””Whatever housekeeping arrangement that may be,” said Miss Pross, striving to dry her eyes...

If you’re going to love someone or something then don’t be a slow leaking faucet—-be a hurricane.

Ah, fish, there is no fareQuite like a flounder! They surely will not missA piece or two from stacks of sole like this;I’ll steal a few, but leave the lion’s share.Look! the lamplight on the...

Tohru: “Call a doctor, or a vet, or something! Mr. Postman! It’s terrible! You see?! They’re animals!”Mailman: “Well, uh, yes, they certainly are. Here’s your mail.”Tohru: “No, no, we’ve got to do something!”(Shigure in dog...

I had some Mexican for dinner. Who knew cannibalism could be so tasty?

In the spirit of slumber parties, I want to have a sleepover and invite only narcoleptics.

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.

I was tired of this silly joking about my ‘speaking countenance’. I could keep a secret as well as anyone. Poirot had always persisted in the humiliating belief that I am a transparent character and...

I didn’t see myself as the busty type. Too bad bodies are issued randomly, not selected to match your personality

Her clothes were half off—a sale, not a strip tease. Watching her shop was as hot as a fresh cup of coffee, and that’s why I had a wad of dollar bills.

Restraining, saving, assuring your checkbook balance…what does all taht amount to? If I go broke one day I’ll just take out loans

In my closet I have boxes and boxes of secrets. These boxes are all empty, and that’s how you know they’re filled with secrets.

Guacamole makes an excellent facial cream. It won’t reduce wrinkles, but I’d sure enjoy scraping it off your skin while you sleep, as I munch on nachos as quietly as I can.

Obama’s plan for “change”: Let’s do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn’t suck badly enough the first time!

Observation: I can’t see a thing. Conclusion: Dinosaurs.

PISTOL-Say’st thou me so? is that a ton of moys? Come hither, boy: ask me this slave in French What is his name.Boy-Ecoutez: comment etes-vous appele?French Soldier-Monsieur le Fer.Boy- He says his name is Master...

Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the machine accepts hugs.

The wise man sees the fool & laughs & the fool never knows why

Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet.

I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy.

I have been lately introduced to the famous Thomas Paine, and like him very well. He is vain beyond all belief, but he has reason to be vain, and for my part I forgive him....

…crackers…” a voice breathed out nehind us, “yesss…”Both of us turned, watching as Chubs twisted around in his seat and settled back down, still fast asleep. I pressed a hand over my mouth to keep...

He kills her in her own humor.

It’s not lit, it’s literature. Lit is something a book can be, after you’ve decided to burn it. (I suggest you start the fire with my book.)

Under capitalism, man exploits man; while under socialism just the reverse is true.

If I weren’t married, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d ask that girl out. But what can I do? I’m an honorable guy.

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.

Gavin, Logan, Calix. Was there a sale on trendy names when they were born, or something?

I’m not dreaming this, am I?” he asked.Dehvi lifted an eyebrow. “There’s only one way to know for sure,” he said.What’s that?”Go piss in the woods. If you feel wet and warm afterward, wake up.

We laugh, that we may not cry.

Love dances in my heart like a nudist in socks. Boy, that jig is awfully jiggly.

Pakistan not only means freedom and independence but the Muslim Ideology which has to be preserved, which has come to us as a precious gift and treasure and which, we hope other will share with...

The remote isn’t broke—it just needs batteries. Well, it’s the same with my love.

My capacity for happiness,” he added, “you could fit into a matchbox without taking out the matches first

Then Dad started going on about the complex geological formations in this part of the coast until Mum told him to shut up. But she was smiling when she said it. Lucy liked that.

That’s one of the remarkable things about life. It’s never so bad that it can’t get worse.

I don’t even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.

You’re late.” I stopped, my jaw open and slack, because I knew she was right. I was late—but for what? I was late for love.

Mmm,” said Ares, without turning his head. “This war on terror isn’t producing enough casualties. Bringing in Iran is the obvious choice, but I don’t think they’ve got enough fire power yet. I wonder if...

I’m sorry I hurt your hand…with my face.”-Bobby Pendragon

I’m proud to be a Mick, even though I’m not Irish My middle name is Mickey, though. Actually, I’m lying.

Optimism: That effervescent, blindingly- bright, perky, chipper, twittering quality you want to squash out of annoying people.

Most of the people I worked with in my old job were pretty cool. We used to go out drinking after lights out and the less pleasant members of staff would be the topic of...

When you are being judged by someone that has no idea who you are always remember this: Dogs always bark at strangers and usually there is always some wacko neighbor that wants to try out...

She just asked me to pick her up some tampons and a Yoo-Hoo.” ~Alex Sinclair

Poor Christopher-John had fallen into the hands of Miss. Daisy Crocker. I greatly sympathized him, but as in everything else, Christopher John tried to see the bright side in having to face such a shrew...

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.

If body language is 90% of a conversation, then obviously what’s being said is only half as important as what’s not being said. And what are you saying? I can’t hear you when my back...

I’m going to treat myself to one of these as a reward for not knocking himself unconscious with a skillet.

If you want to become a chemist, you will have to ruin your health. If you don’t ruin your health studying, you won’t accomplish anything these days in chemistry.{Liebig’s advice to August Kekulé.}