Beneath the people we think we are, there are funnier, happier, livelier people that we keep ignoring.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.’ But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you’ll have to go see the good doc anyway.

I had a dream about you. The ice melted so quickly in our relationship that I didn’t even have a chance to tell you I loved you. So I just sat there, alone, slurping up...

It would be especially comforting to believe that I have the answer to the question, What happens when we die? Does the light just go out and that’s that—the million-year nap? Or will some part...

Max, if you survive your final test, can you steal me one of those magic outfits for me?” I’ll try to get one for each of us. Hey! ‘If’?

I got excited when I saw a midget, and then disappointed when I realized it was just a child. Those things are so common.

She suggested we ‘crouch’ buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows.Now, my husband can’t see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes...

Skupljanje hrane nesumnjivo je bilo na prvom mjestu ženskih dužnosti budući da je taj zadatak održavao pleme na životu. Ni u jednom se trenutku pretpovijesne žene s djecom ili bez nje nisu oslanjale na svoje...

If there is no picture, there is no proof.

Cause she’s a piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye.” Farah laughed.

A brick could be used to enslave humanity. No wait, a brick can’t do that—but the Masons can.

For the time being I’ll be a being in time. And when I die, I’ll happily be compost for a greener world.

Eliot, huh?” she says. The thin fabric of her long T-shirt brushes my arm. “Is everyone in your family named for a famous symbolist poet?”No, I’m named for someone who was supposed to be in...

Never give up hope! If you do, you be dead already.

I had a dream about you. You had a wheelchair and I had a wheelbarrow, and together we made love the way the Panama Canal should have been made. We dredged up a lot of...

I have no culture, no humane harmony in my brains. I can’t live without a culture anymore.

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.

I don’t have time to kill you, and you don’t have time to die, because I’m not into redundancy, and you’re already dead.

But don’t worry,” she continued. “Most snakes don’t want to hurt you. If you’re out in the bush and a snake comes along, just stop dead and let it slide over your shoes.”This, I decided,...

It was in this pub he’d learnt that, contrary to the belief of the majority of those laying bets, it is possible to flatten a hundred frogs with a hammer in less than thirty seconds....

I had a dream about you. We sold love like a couple of roadside lemonade-stand vendors. Your love was organic, and mine was made with yellow tennis balls.

I’m fine,” Kate said. “In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better.””Bad deduction,” Jessie said. “If that were true, I’d be dating Harrison Ford by now.

A brick is a fraction of a building, and a brick is like a building—if you’re like an ant.

The peace corps looks like peace corpse, and death isn’t a very peaceful thought to me.

I hope that’s a good thing,’ I said, thinking he might say I reminded him of a film star- then we’d actually have something in common. I was hoping for Anne Hathaway or Julia Roberts,...

Okay. I’m not a white male. At least, not predominantly so. And as I mentioned before, I’m in an environment right now where race is really important. See, Chinese men are not that physically intimidating....

I finally figured out why Voldemort’s face is so flat. He ran into the wrong wall at the train station.

have i gone mad?im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.

A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used like a Wexlybexter Device (the one with the hand crank, not the one...

She said if you don’t dance and you wear no pants I will marry you. I said, I do.

That’s why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

I have only two wishes,” said Jean. “The first is for strong coffee, and the second is for stronger coffee.

My TV’s remote control didn’t have a source of energy, so I poured coffee in it. Now I can read any book I want.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on the slates. “What are they doing?” Alice whispered to the Gryphon. “They can’t have anything to put down yet, before the trial’s begun.””They’re putting down their...

I stood up in a flash and flushed a light shade of furious.

I tried to knock my wife up, but she’d only let me ring the doorbell. And she made me dress up like the pizza delivery boy while I rang.

That’s not normal.

Nowadays the standards had plummeted so far that I failed even at being a failure. I silently packed up. Nothing else was left. They had even robbed me of self-pity

Do not put statements in the negative form.And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that agreat deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.Never...

I had a dream about you. You had four legs like a cat has four legs like a chair has four legs, and I was looking for a place to sit. Then you meowed at...

He said that there would be more information available in the narthex. I leaned over to Matthew and whispered, “The Narthex? Isn’t that a Dr. Suess character that speaks for the trees??

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

Dream as if you’ll die tonight, and live as if you’ll sleep tomorrow. Let us make love sometime between the two.

Hate. Huh. He’d never hated himself. If anything, he’d always liked himself a little too much. Once, a human female had even accused him of picturing his own face while he climaxed. He hadn’t denied...

Truth: last week I online shopped too much. Then I ate 2 pounds of jelly beans to feel better about that. In fact, while I was trying to read soul-nourishing things all I could think...

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.

Blankets are good to carry around if you want to be able to quickly black bag someone.

I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to...

If I got a new heart with a heart transplant, I’d be forever grateful. Or at least grateful for the next 50 years or so.